its still a reoccurring thought of mine that if i killed someone i dont know if id feel anything , and when i was into learning about serial killers they almost always had the same childhood, same mental problems, same asociality, similar memories even. everything as me. i feel, shamefully, connected to some of these people. maybe i am depraved and devoid of humanity

non-schizoids trying to comprehend that szpd isnt a variation of social anxiety

My friend discusses their suicidal thoughts with me occasionally and has admitted quite a few times that I’m a big reason why they reconsider plans/ that they feel loved by me and it’s really important or whatever, but if I can be completely honest I kinda don’t care… I mean, I do, I want them as a living person to continue being that way and It’s a tragic waste when anyone dies in my opinion, but… it kind of just feels like information as much as anything else. “The sky is blue, I have red hair, I want to kms.” It has no greater or intense emotional value to me. I guess it would be a sort of waste of time to make myself feel guilty about that because they feel better either way right? I guess it’s just funny to think that I’m so hidden that people I don’t even like the personality of much are staying alive for me because from their perspective we’re “best friends.”

szpd culture is thinking everyone around me is emotionally immature for [ checks notes ] experiencing emotions at a normal level & in a way that affects them ( i say as i feel only like one emotion clearly & the rest is just fog ).

✦    Apoidpathy

i don't need people. i need to stop being a people