I wonder about the incidence of self-harming behaviors in schizoids. Because it's already a stigmatized topic that people with common and "acceptable" mental illness rarely speak of, but with the nature of schizoidality, obviously there's no information out there.
For the stereotypical perception of self-harm-- suicidal, self-loathing, a punishment, done while crying in the bathroom-- it makes no sense that a schizoid would do it (unless other factors were at play), as suicidality is not really related to the condition, neither is low self-esteem or self-hatred.
But it seems a lot of atypical reasons for self-harming are fitting with schizoid traits, too.
Expression of mental suffering through physical injury; it is very difficult, as a schizoid, to both experience feeling, understand the feeling, and express it. Many experiences are intangible and have no words available one could use that would make someone else understand. This is distressing. In this distress, it may seem desirable to have short-term relief in representing it on one's body with injury.
Dopamine-seeking behaviors; this might overlap with the fact that I have several prominent traits of antisocial personality disorder, or was violently abused at a young age, but often things feel like they're "not enough", not extreme enough, not exciting enough, not dangerous enough. Medically extreme forms of self-harm (i.e. causing serious, life-threatening damage) could, at times, seem like an option to counteract the feeling of numbness.
Having something to take care of; with dissociation from one's own body, it can be difficult to eat, shower, or sleep enough. For me it can feel nebulous as to what my body wants outside of a general need for something. Having an injury to focus on as it heals may feel like a more clear path to take in taking care of one's body.
Self-differentiation; anyone with prominent scarring or any visual abnormalities does know how differently you'll be treated for these things you cannot change. Conversely, schizoids are treated differently for behaviors, affects, needs, and thought processes we may not be able to change; one cannot un-make a schizoid. So it may feel like a way to visually represent one's distance to others, or even keep them at a distance by appearing obviously unwell in a way most people do not know how to approach.
Secrecy and choice; this is the big one for me. This is why I started self-harming as a child. It was something secret I could hide on my body. I was suffocated by the world around me and had no privacy even with my own thoughts. My body was visibly altered by others through physical violence and I felt like it was not my own. Causing injuries to myself, that I chose, instead of someone else inflicting them, made me have a sense of control; effectively hiding them and 'flying under the radar' made me have a sense of privacy, something that was all to myself, a ritual I did that none were aware of but me.
I don't know... this is just a thought. I hope maybe there's someone who can find relatability or understanding in this.
And, understanding why you do a harmful behavior is the first step to changing it. It is a maldaptive coping mechanism; something that hurts you, but it helps enough that you keep doing it despite the detrimental effects, so clearly there's a need it's fulfilling. If you can fulfill the need other ways, the harmful behavior can be eliminated.
For example, expressing oneself through more abstract forms like writing about characters instead of the self; finding safe ways to seek thrills, or simulate them; gaining the freedom to have one's own space where there is plenty of privacy and one may choose to do anything they wish.
annaxmalina
jacobvanloon
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stormborns
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