RMH
🪼
izzy's playlists!
Stranger Things
#extradirty
Game of Thrones Daily
★
h
official daine visual archive
Mike Driver
JVL
The Stonewall Inn
Product Placement
$LAYYYTER
EXPECTATIONS
ellievsbear
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Keni
Not today Justin
taylor price
seen from United States
seen from Italy
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from Thailand
seen from India
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from Canada
seen from Colombia
seen from Australia
seen from Australia
seen from Australia
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Hungary
seen from Hong Kong SAR China
seen from United Kingdom
@olfpoststoomuch
ok new blog that probably nobody will see but i'm still a real person and i'm not a bot and you can follow and ask but i have unlocked a new genre of thoughts i won't have on my main so here i am, i don't mean to offend anyone, i don't mean to assume, i don't mean anything and i don't really want anything tbh i'm just here ok
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
szpd culture is having simultaneous multiple thoughts in response to stimuli. my mind looks like a choices exam. let me illustrate an example:
event: person is obviously seeking validation from me
answer a) gross. this is the lowest tier of social interaction types. social slop. stop using me.
b) validation? from me? wow, people concern themselves with my opinion. i’m basically god. i love getting in the vibe and flow of things while knowing how fake they are.
c) indifference. i’m aware of the above answers, but let’s be real - if i acted too strong in either direction i would put myself in situations I wanna avoid. also I don’t actually think those things, there are just specters who want to take control of my mind palace.
i usually choose c
i hate asking people for things so much that it's a genuine professional and personal problem. i don't want to make anyone feel like they are obligated to answer and i also don't want to seem like i am trying to put work onto someone else and i also don't want to seem like i need constant help and i also also don't want to make it a big deal and draw attention to myself but how can i make myself a secret if i have to ask a question? i annoy myself so much like what is even my problem. i am not afraid of judgement i am afraid of being the center of attention and making people sort of rush around to aid me in some way. this applies to doctors too in my head. which is so stupid. this is so stupid
why do i always talk in like, a casual version of attorney talk. like im always in a court room... i try to cover every possibility of accidental deceit or i speak in an intentionally vague manner so that i dont have to specify and so that it "technically wasnt lying". constantly suspicious and covering my tracks for no reason lol. i just come off as strangely unsure and weird.
i get embarrassed at my vent posts sometimes but i will keep them on here to remind myself how temporary my feelings are
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Schizospec culture is being so bad at dialogues and social cues you make people deactivate with your words without saying anything malicious 👼
visiting other people's apartments is crazy work because there is nothing like that to show you how empty you are and so is your life. what do you mean this person moved in like a week ago they already decorated and they bought new stuff for it and whatever. they aren't even fully unpacked yet. i have been in the same apartment for 2 years and all i bought was a lamp
makes my blood boil when i send something to someone as a notice and they take it as a chance to open a conversation. i always make it clear when there is any info that concerns another person. i also always make it clear that i will let them know when i have more info that concerns them. if i did not mention it, it does not fucking concern you. why are you asking me random shit? i get so tempted to just point them back to the previous fucking message where i clearly stated i will tell them when i have something to tell them. i am not telling? let's do a little brain exercise and figure out what that might mean, hm??? i hate how nosy and overstimulated people are. like those tiny annoying dogs, like if i just look at them they can no longer contain their excitement and they start yapping bullshit. maybe i wouldn't be so reclusive if people weren't so annoying and too invested
at a very "i will eat the same thing every day or i will not eat" time in my life
I remember being 7, looking at my mother and realizing that she'd had me for too long. Thinking I was lucky she even wanted to keep me up until now. Thinking that 7 years was a long time to want something. Asking myself if I had any toys I still loved after 7 years. That 7 years was a very long time for one thing and that I got tired of things even faster than that
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
everyone in my life always telling me i am so well-adjusted and that i have a well-regulated nervous system or a good mental health because i don't have strong reactions and i deal with stressful events "easily". also because i am not attached to material goods and my mood is never wildly shifted when something doesn't go as expected. but like, that's just my gaping hole where a personality and human desires were supposed to be. yea i don't get thrown off if something disappointing happens because i wasn't really expecting anything in the first place. yea i don't get hooked on shopping sites etc because next to nothing activates the reward circuit in my brain anymore. when i feel a dopamine rush i feel disgusted right afterwards. don't get me wrong i would actually kill myself if one minor inconvenience made me spiral on a daily basis or if i couldn't stop worrying and ruminating on things that i can't change. however it would be nice to be able to convince people that, you know. this is not healthy. you should not aspire to be like me
anyone else fantasises about being put into some sort of semi-conscious state where you can just kinda exist but not have to actively experience anything
Avolition and no sense of importance will actually kill me because every time something is due or I should have something checked out or I have an important event coming up, I... Just don't do anything about it. Then eventually it gets so late I sometimes (if I'm lucky) get a jolt of adrenaline and I feel like throwing up, but then very quickly (minutes...) I realize. This doesn't matter! Nothing matters! I don't matter! But like, the thing does need to be done... And I am not doing it...
When I walk outside the door I don't want there to be anyone expecting me to be home.
Maybe I'm just going to a job
Or maybe I'm just going for a walk
But maybe I'm taking a trip to the other side of the country and will only be back in a week or so
Or maybe I'll only get home the next day because I decided to spend the night in the forest or something
No expectations and no questions please.
I just have to accept that isolating myself is the only way to avoid feeling isolated.
Paradoxical feeling of being at ease with physical isolation but hating the feeling of being othered; connection only found within myself and lost when among others.
Never lonely, always alienated.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
I have been suicidal for a long time, but I don't know at what point it actually began. I know there was a point in my life, likely exclusively childhood, where I wasn't suicidal and I harbored a common fear of death and dreams of the future.
In middle school there was a time with my first toxic friendship where that girl wanted to be the mentally ill one with all of the problems and for me to bend to her will and regulate her emotions or else I was a villain, but at that point I'd still not experienced as severe depression that I would end up developing further on.
At this point I might as well just say that I've been suicidal my whole life, which is close enough to the truth. I don't think I was ever truly happy even as a kid. There were always things that were just wrong, with me, with everyone else, that seemed to carve a gulf between myself and any ability to live with any normalcy.
The real reason I probably can't pin down a specific event to cause my sincere lack of desire to live is probably because it is significantly more passive than others who experience suicidal ideation. There's obviously spikes of misery at certain points but it's more of a persistent undercurrent of misery than an aggressive overt need to end my own life.
Just some thoughts, I suppose.
