By the Light of the Night

my friend told me last night that he gets girls to come back to his place by telling them “oh i can’t wait to go home and have some stew” and “i’m so hungry, good thing i have stew at home” and it’s worked every time

bro the worst part is last night i went to his place and it’s 11pm and i’m sitting there eating fucking stew like god damn it worked on me too

"You snooze you lose" anti nap propaganda, changing it to "you snooze yaaaaayyyyyy yippeeeee"

this could be the snart of something big

let them speak

like i’m picturing him being really careful and looking at it and carrying it exactly like this while walking or riding through the woods and across rivers and up mountains and through valleys and he doesn’t drop it even once except at the very end where he tidily drops it into the volcano. frodo sam and the crew and even gollum wholly undisturbed. sauron can’t find him bc of the meditative aura surrounding him which is generated by his immense focus on not dropping it

World's most tense egg and spoon race

women who aren’t even 30 yet

leonardo dicaprio type of post

the other night i tried to make a curry and i got chilli burns all over my face, so i thought to myself ‘hang on, doesn’t milk soothe chilli burns? it does’ and i couldn’t google because i couldn’t see so i just had to blindly feel my way to the fridge and pour out a bowl of milk, and then plant my face in the bowl of milk, anyway at that point the rice cooker went off and triggered a power surge which turned my electricity off, which i didn’t notice at first because i had my face in a bowl of milk and when i did emerge from the dairy prison i thought i had gone blind with chilli burns. so no i don’t really cook much.

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

: <- a bite mark

easy website

me calming down my vampire horse named website

The order of the songs feels like my menstrual cycle

Oh finland thank you for understanding this was the 69th eurovision