Breaking down the walls...

if you're scared that owning your disability or trauma or mental illness is trying to be "special" in some way, im gonna say something both very mean and very kind. this shit isn't special at all, go ahead.

you’re going to hurt people in life. it’s unavoidable. apologize and do better next time.

it could be worse. at least i'm not 17 again. or 16 or 15 or 14 or 13 or 12 or 11 or

text reads: "you're struggling to make the change because the old behaviour is still meeting a need. instead of shaming yourself, identify the deeper need and allow it to exist. then get curious about a new way to meet it."

While it’s true that healing is your responsibility, it can feel invalidating when people say that. So, if you need to hear it, it isn’t fair you have that responsibility because of what someone else has done. It sucks and it isn’t fair. And it’s okay to acknowledge that.

like it took me so long to start breaking out of the social skills mindset of social interaction as a performance i was putting on for a grade & remember to ask. well do i even like the person did i enjoy how our interaction went

only message I have for my child self is that obedience will not save you or protect you in any way it will plant rot inside you that will tear away at anything good you might have had inside you, that the only way you can sustain joy in the world which you don't care for yet in its fullness is to reject it in every one that demands it without question. yeah I know you hate me for giving up on the straight and narrow.

I'm realizing that the question I need to be asking myself often isn't "do I feel like doing x?" but "will doing x make me feel better?" Because even if taking that shower or going for that walk or sitting down to draw or showering or eating or cleaning isn't what I'd prefer to do in the moment, it's very likely that I'll feel better afterwards. And maybe that matters more than whether I initially feel like getting started.

@a-captions-blog 🙏🏽 ❤️

[Image descriptions: A black and white comic depicting two ghost-like people whose only facial features are large round eyes. One is on their knees crying black tears, which pool around their legs. The second person stands in front of them in an alarmed stance. ‘I’m tired,’ the first says. In the first of three boxed-in panels, the crying person stands in a growing pool of their tears as the second person reaches towards them. ‘I can’t,’ the first person says. In the second box, the black pool has reached the crying person’s shoulders. They say, ‘I want to stop.’ The word ‘stop’ is in white in the black pool. In the third box, the person has stopped crying and looks distressed about the pool. They raise their arms up in front of them. Three successive black boxes show the person’s hands disappearing into the pool. The background becomes predominantly black. The person is seen falling through darkness. Within two boxes, the second person looks to their right with their hands up and then looks to their left, with marks showing movement in that direction. At the bottom of the black panel, the second figure is seen diving with their hand outstretched. The second person reaches the first, who is floating facedown on the white border of a small sub-panel. At the bottom of this sub-panel, the second figure embraces the first. The background becomes predominantly white. In a black box, a closeup is shown of the second figure hugging the first with their eyes closed. They say, ‘I can’t promise that it’s gonna be ok.’ In a second box, just the second figure is shown as they say, but we’re gonna take a rest.’ At the bottom on the white background, a single figure is shown hugging themselves with their eyes closed. Text reads, ‘and we’re gonna keep going.’ In the bottom right corner is the artist’s watermark, @YeehawPim \End description]

THIS CAN BE HARD TO DO. Especially if the tendency not to do this has crystallised and petrified and solidified and scabbed over and all that sort of thing; you are allowed to find it hard to do and you are allowed to try it just a bit at a time and you are allowed to forgive yourself for trying to do this and maybe not making it this time give yourself a break and don't rule out giving it another go.