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[no beers in] do you think im ever going to belong somewhere

Does anyone know what I’m supposed to be doing for the rest of my life can someone tell me pleaseeeeeee don’t say whatever I want. #notsure

hey. dont cry. i'm going to kill you, okay?

Shout out to anyone else who is also deeply depressed and completely faking giving two sh*ts about this Holiday season thinking it’ll spark joy or eventually hit you and you’ll actually feel the spirit — but you just don’t. Whether due to grief, heartbreak, loneliness, illness or otherwise. Or even all of the above! You’re not alone. Many of us are just going through the motions. 💜

anyone else feel like there will always be a veil of separation between them and the rest of the world and that they’ll never actually be understood or is that just me

ngl it really sucks when every day of your life is centered around your shit mental health

i feel like there's a big room inside me filled with a darkness that swallows everything. there is only darkness inside the room, i don't know if that's all there ever was or if there used to be something else but it disappeared into the dark. i don't know if it started out as a speck the size of a fraction of a sand particle and expanded over time, pushing out and overtaking space, or if it was always there and just was quiet before, meak and quiet. quiet and meak. but right now it is large and dark and unignorable. i can feel it gaping inside me, threatening to overtake more space if i don't keep it in check. it would just be taking it's course if i let it seep out of the room and rebuild its walls to take up more space. it can fill up my chest cavity with this cosmic numbness and it would be no more malicious in doing so than microorganisms breaking down a corpse. numbness, unfeeling, apathy, cold. not sharp, biting cold, just the absence of heat. the knowledge that something isn't there.

i wish i could explain how exhausting it is to exist when your brain never feels like home. like i’m always visiting, never living.