It's Life Notes

Hi from Los Angeles

Good news is you're really achieve your dream and stay in US, to pursue your education and also your career. Bad news is you're still trying to find the job, you're still trying to find your partner. Life is not easy huh? It's 2026 already, you've been through all the things. Struggle, Happiness, Survival etc etc You proud of yourself right? Yeay!

Let's talk about love How's your love life going? I know your still don't have boyfriend yet since 2012 and now 2026. You're focusing on your self and your self development. You're not really available actually because you also close with other men. You're trying to understand them. Even now you already change your type, you are fall in love with the foreigner. Not a men from your place. You're changing a lot, you're different in good way. But what is not changing is you're not really open to your mom and dad. You never told it to your parents. You know what? next time if you're in relationship with a men (hopefully soon) you need to open to your parents, you need to say that you actually seeing him, you got with him and you travel with him, just be honest. Showing that you are ready to get married and build your family by your own. I don't want to do something that bad to just get the partner. I want still respect you, God. So please guide me through this and don't let me to be lost in the dark. I know You're kind, and always protect me God. So please help me to go through it. I love you, God. "Will I ever get married? Will I have my own children? Does my husband love me so much? Can I get a relationship just like what other people have? Can I pursue my own happiness? Will I ever be a wife? Will I ever get pregnant? Will I ever cook for my husband?" I have to be patient and have faith with God that He already arrange everything for me. I love Him and I will wait His time while also prepare my self. Let's talk about Career

Now you're looking for job after graduation from university in States. This wholesome experience and this is good start for you. It's difficult but this is not impossible. Don't give up and please always praying eventually you will be there. Arrived. Got new job and you will be happy again. Fight for it! I would say, please enjoy every moment of it, God will guide you the light. May, 28, 2026.

I know this may be your hardest time, this time that you may feel difficult is normal, you're only human, you have feeling and you don't know everything. The good news is you're strong! (yeay!) Thanks for always being strong and still productive until now. Life is so unpredictable, you meet people that you never think he's gonna your dream man. You cherish every moment with him, you're happy and that's good. However your episode of happiness can come to end. Maybe God knows there is something not good on this person so if you still continue with him, it won't let you go anywhere. I think you should be aware and grateful that, this is part of God's to protect you. You always trust God's timing right? I know you've survive this far because you're strong. So don't give up on God's mercy and blessing. You're in the right path. If right now, you're unsure about life, you feel like you've achieved everything in life but still you have some emptiness in your heart because you don't have family. That's your homework to ask it to God you know that, in the past, you always skip if everything went bad about relationship part, you never give your time to thinking about it. I hope now, you're aware that you need to fixed it and as for your payment you need to use your time to pray to God and sacrifice your bedtime so you could be focus in asking to God. Another thing, just focus on what should you do. Don't worry about what will happen next. DON'T LOOKING BACK! you know you went through everything, you can finished everything you've started. Remember, "God never let me down with no reason, God must be have purpose. You're nice and you're talented. You can going through this, you can nail it!" I believe you can...... Someday you will married and have you're little family. Until that day coming, you just don't give up. Always stay true to your self. God is always besides you. ALWAYS. Best,

Dear myself,

I know it’s been a hard year for you. You don’t know what will happen in the future, all your plan seems failed, you only have strength to build it again and again. You have to realized that, you are alone, you don’t have loyal family that will always accompany you. You don’t have that. You should learn how to be strong with yourself. How to always stand up whenever you down, you couldn’t rely on anybody. But remember you should always be faithful to God. Hold on your time will come, eventually. The happiness will coming in your way. 

Sincerely, 

Dear my self, I know this vvveerry hard for you. But let’s do this! YOU CAN DO THIS! Let’s finish what you start. 

Sincerely, 

My pray is simple, hope this year will give me surprises! It’s 21th August 2021. I’ll meet the person who will be my soulmate, get my master degree and scholarship. The next year gonna be my new journey. Hopefully, God will blessed my wish and make it come true. Dear God, I am with you forever and after. You know me better than myself and I trust you for choosing who’s the best partner for my life. 

Dear my self, 

4 June 2021

It’s reaching in the middle of year.... you’ve been through a lot of things. Something that you never asked, you’re surprised with that. Yes.. you never expect about it. You finally can move on! you meet men which you never expected to be fall in love with. You’re happy now.... but still confuse with his feeling. you’re afraid if it is will turn the same as before. You can’t do anything but only asked God. 

I hope you will always get the best. you’ve been doing great so far.... it’s okay to use your own pace, to trust your guts, your feeling. You know what the best for your self. I hope in the end of this year, you will find your love, you will find your soulmate you’ve always waiting for. 

Love,

3rd January, 2021..

23.18 pm

“Prove them wrong...”

I know that takes a lot of energy but prove them wrong! You almost there, keep trying and believing

“Promise to yourself that you will never ever again thinking about other people business into your burden and though. Because what’s other people issue is none of your business...”

xx,

3 January, 2021

Dear myself, 

Happy New year 2021! I know 2020, is a rough year for you... you’ve been through a lot of struggle. You are not satisfied with your life,everything seems like messing up. All your struggle is like resulted nothing... & what’s the hardest thing is you have no one besides you. You only struggling alone. But you must be proud of yourself, you are strong & brave! You’ve come to this far! You are a great person!!! It’s okay if other person did not see it as progress or something that is good. IT’S OK! Because you are not living to please everyone. You are live for living your dream. Only you who knows yourself the most.

I know you are often sad or even cry a lot in the late night. I know you have many dreams but now you have no there yet. Only time will answer.. No matter how hard it is... what others people said, it is difficult or not, don’t listen to them. You must believe in yourself, you can do it and you almost there....... I hope that you will always remember your dream. You’re struggle and all your sacrifice you’ve just done... 

Although no one besides you now, no one in your side, but you still have God. It’s the way you learn how to be mature. Everything is going to be ok.... all is well :) 

You can do it! You can make it comes true!! Just trust the God, He always be there for you...... 

with love, 

june 2020, 

I thought family is the one who always give warms 

I thought I have family that will always be there 

I thought I could share everything with family,,

I thought I will be alright if I have family

but 

it only exist in my thought 

I could not have it all..

I am so grateful for what I have now,

family & friends tho’ its not as beautiful as people said

I have fear to get insulted with people

you know i don’t trust people because that the things that I could find in my family

I feel enough with it

I always thought that I only stand by myself, no one could help except my self

So, I’ll feel so comfortable with the person who I could rely on, up until now I couldn’t find it :) 

God...

Thanks for make me alive

Thanks for the lesson 

Thanks 

love, 

I am finally get my energy back to take back pieces of my heart and charging my energy.... to build my own dream, to build my empire! 

Here’s some interesting quote: 

- You didn’t come this far to give up, even when it feels hard, even when it feels uncomfortable (keep pressing on). all your work is going to pay off. 

- If you give up now then what were you even fighting for? 

- Do it  for your future self :) 

- Excuse don’t make results 

- Are your excuses more important than your dreams? 

- Believe you can and you’re halfway there!

- You do not just wake up and become the butterfly. Growth is a process!

- Stop worrying how it’s going to happen & start believing it will.

Keep going!

Sincerely, 

You know when writing this I just realizing something that shocking me which also made me really disappointed. I just realized that my friends who sticking with me around and whom I trust since longgg, who I shared & talked about everything.. that person is the one who giving me negative vibes instead. When I have dream and there is guy who came closer to me that person always saying the negative things which make me things I don’t deserve it, I am too low and that too high. Also, I don’t have capacity in that and bla bla blaaa another negative vibes which I JUST REALIZE IT NOW.. but still I am grateful about that. 

-------------------------

The moment when I realized about it, I commit to my self to erase that negative things and leave my negative group. I commit to my self to be the new me, the new person. I try to change my whole soul surrounded with positive vibes. 

I believe in destiny and I trust this word “if something meant to be it will be”. I have many friends and I always hear their story on how they meet their plus one.  I am bad in this things, it always be my biggest fear because I am afraid if I will hurting people, I am afraid if I could not satisfying my partner and another my insecurity that always pop up in my mind.