Rating various boyfriends
Werewolf Boyfriend: Looks intimidating but is actually a big softie. Always showers you with compliments. Cuddly. 12/10 but -1 for clogging the drain a lot. 11/10.
Vampire Boyfriend: Fashionable, high maintenance. Kind of pretentious. Goth, but his hands are cold because he’s dead. 6/10 due to unsatisfying hand holding.
Orc Boyfriend: Strong and beefy. Keeps you safe. Very good at cooking steaks. Will catch the spider and put it in a cup to carry it outside. Can reach high shelves. Loves to talk about how big and sexy his partner is. Bumps his head on doors. 13/10
Sasquatch Boyfriend: Gentle, nature lover, probably vegan. Uses a lot of toilet paper. Doesn’t know how to get on his email. Very shy. Amazing in bed. Sometimes tenderly slips a beetle into your hand to show you how much he loves you. 12/10, points deducted for being blurry in all your photos
Elf Boyfriend: Pretty. Has a skincare routine. Very polite. Likes houseplants. Smokes pot because no one has the heart to tell him humans do it because it gets them high. Keeps being unintentionally elitist. 7/10
Goblin Boyfriend: Small and cute. You can give him piggy back rides. Large ears for active listening. Likes the peddler’s mall. Hates minimalism. Will take you out to squelch in mud and stare at mushrooms. 9/10, some points deducted for not being familiar with soap as a concept
Merman Boyfriend: Sensitive. Pretty eyes. Will let you nap on his tummy as he floats on his back in the pool. Goes with the flow. Doesn’t exactly have a foot fetish but keeps complimenting your feet specifically in front of people. 9/10
Dragon Boyfriend: Sugar daddy. Hot AF. Charismatic. Likes to buy you gifts, especially jewelry. Never throws anything away, ever. Enjoys flying at sunset and campfires. Won’t fit in your shower. 9/10
Mothman Boyfriend: GREAT ass. Introverted. Soft. Fuzzy antennae you can stroke. Likes to stay up late watching movies. Will carry you gently to bed if you fall asleep at your computer. 11/10
Angel Boyfriend: The prettiest boy. Pure. Skin always radiant. Great singing voice. Not sure where he’s keeping all his eyes when he’s not in true form. Sometimes unable to be comprehended by the human mind. Only likes classical music. Can’t spoon him because the wings get in the way. 7/10
Demon Boyfriend: Hot. Edgy. Great in bed. A bad boy. Can be a dick. Always there when you need him as long as you have the right materials to summon him. Can’t steal your hoodies because of the horns. Doesn’t have hoodies you can steal because of the horns. 9/10