cool cool cool

Omg I took the Covid vaccine and now my dick looks bigger?? Anybody else experience this?

I'm a healthcare worker and getting the vaccine gave me D cups

my ass is huge after the second dose

What’s funny is that this actually happened. 

I’m unfamiliar with this story please elaborate

Finnish soldier gets separated from the rest of his unit but he’s the only one carrying the emergency amphetamines for the unit, takes too many and goes on a one man rampage for like 2 weeks straight giving the opposing Soviet soldiers nightmares for decades. Oh and he did it all on skis. 

Did he survive?

Yes, during his methed up 2-3 week rampage he got injured by a land mine, travelled 400km on skis, and only ate pine buds and a Siberian Jay that he caught which he ate raw. When he made it back to Finnish lines he was taken to a hospital where it was found his heart rate was nearly 200 beats per minute and his weight had dropped to 43kg (94.7lbs).

Those are the eyes of a man who has seen god and laughed

Important distinction, it wasn’t “amphetamines” like Adderall or Vyvanse or something, it was Pervitin, prescription grade methamphetamine.

One of the few times it's 100% perfect to have an older white dude with a beard mansplain to a young girl.

Except that is not mansplaining -- mansplaining is a man, assuming he knows everything better than women simply by virtue of being a man, trying to explain something he doesn’t know that much about to a woman who is expert in that area.  This is a man sharing his knowledge with a woman who has clearly demonstrated she has no idea what she is talking about.  That’s just called explaining.

when your cat licks his paw…then rubs his head with the paw… wow….that’s his shmapoo and conditioner…..

you know who’s gay? paul the real estate novelist who never had time for a wife and davey who’s still in the navy and probably will be for life

New headcannon: everyone in that song is gay except the Piano Man who has no idea he’s playing at a gay bar and the staff and regulars have a betting pool on how long he’ll take to finally figure it out. So far John is ahead.

“The manager gives me a smile ‘cause he knows that it’s me they’ve been coming to see” also implies that the Piano Man is possibly an incredibly attractive but oblivious himbo, and if you listen to the rest of it imagining that, this all fits a little too well.