entp

Not getting out of bed - with bpd, depression is a reoccurring mood. Social withdrawal - we are champs at perfecting facades. don’t always have the energy for it though. Self-destructive behaviours - sometimes needed to escape those 4-5 intensity emotions.  Being ‘clingy’ - fear of abandonment. love addicted. not knowing how else to care about people. Forgetting things - emotional impermanence. we lose perspective of things we did if its associated with something painful (aka all things, all things are painful).  Getting upset about everything - impossible to see the good in anything unless someone sucked the cognitive dissonance right out of our heads. in other words, splitting–it’s a thing.  Bad self-care- see: depression is a revolving and reoccurring mood. Promiscuity  - see: needing attention because we don’t feel like “real” people.  ‘Weird’ or ‘unusual’ triggers - sorry if you hate the word ‘trigger’, but that’s exactly what this is. emotional ptsd. how else would you explain, “oh fuck, that song reminds me of when _____. welp. time to dissociate. haha i’m not here anymore. haha, i don’t feel anything.”??? Needing validation - we want attention to feel like people. we need validation to feel like good people. 

WISH I FIGURED THIS SHIT OUT A DECADE AGO. 

Not everything is your fault. You’ll mess up sometimes, but so will everyone else.

Leaving a discussion to stop yourself losing your temper or getting triggered is not ‘losing’. You are just trying to be responsible and healthy.

You are not manipulating people by asking for support when you feel bad.

Denying the parts of yourself that you don’t like will not make you the person you want to be.

Ignoring emotions you don’t like will not make them go away. The fastest way to deal with them is to accept that they’re there.

You can learn to survive on your own.

Don’t get fooled by this. People who are dealing with a lot of pain, guilt, concern, shame, and fear don’t take it out on their closest ones. People who are aware of what compassion is wont yell at you for not taking enough of their feelings into account. People who are living with pain and regret don’t look fucking smug and self-important all the time! People who live in shame wouldn’t risk hurting you and increasing shit they’re feeling ashamed about! People who are hurt and living in a lot of pain wouldn’t just go and try to make you feel awful about yourself too! They wouldn’t make inappropriate jokes or call you names or try to convince you that if they feel bad, you need to feel bad too, and if they are doing that, then you are not supposed to take their feelings into account anymore! 

valuing you based on how much pain you can endure

valuing you based on how much you’re willing to sacrifice for them

praising you only when you give them what they want

praising you for enduring pain

praising you for forgiving them

encouraging you to take on more pain

saving their admiration for you only for times when you forgive them and tolerate what they do to you with a smile

waging their attention and demanding favours in return

insisting you should be honoured to be in their company

insisting you owe them for their time they spent with you