itsaraptor

Their first egg this year was laid on Valentine’s day, incidentally.

Yaaaay! they’re back!

IM ASKING NOW

People shouldn’t have to go through this, though.

Correct. They should not need to. But they aren’t going to be able to vote to help change that they currently need to unless they do. It’s a fucking Catch-22.

i hate cheaters

tumblr's "year in review" has done nothing but alert me that I operate in an unnoticed dark corner of this hellsite

“Hello and welcome to my Tumblr. Here you probably won’t find any basic info about me like my name or what I usually like to do, but you absolutely will find all my deepest darkest secrets and emotions along with my body measurements”

the wise man at the nudist beach, when discovered by an acquaintance, covers not his dick but his face

i feel like diogenes fucking ghostwrote that last bit

“you’re so polite!” thanks, I am afraid of you.

My favorite thing about Cheddar the dog is that either Holt or Kevin named him Cheddar and I honestly don’t know which option is funnier.

third, equally funny option: his name was already cheddar when they adopted him. both of them think it’s an absurd goddamn name but neither of them know you can just change an animal’s name if you don’t like it. no one ever told them and they’re both much too proper to even conceptualize this notion on their own. the dog was named cheddar and that’s very unfortunate but cheddar he will remain. 

fourth, they were aware you could change an adopted animals name but let it remain Cheddar out of respect for his ‘birth’ parents

Fifth, they named it after the historic village of Cheddar, Somerset in England, unaware people will associate it more with the type of cheese

Sixth, they named him after the hard cheese from Cheedar in Somerset, England due the fact there are both orange and off-white types which parallels their pet’s coloring and Kevin and Raymond both appreciate the nobility of a product which is a cornerstone of a multibillion dollar cheese industry and has a history going back to the 12th century and furthermore

Seventh, Cheddar is the only type of cheese that they both love.

Eighth. Cheddar was Kevin’s mother dog, she chose the name and Kevin, dutiful son that he is, took him off her hands when she developed an allergy to dog dander at 78. Can you imagine? What unbridled weakness, and at her age. You see, Santiago, this why early exposure to allergens of all types is crucial for healthy antibody development and why I made a point to have as many encounters with low-level toxins as possible before my immune system was finished developing. You know, now that you and Peralta are discussing reproducing, you should really consider

This entire thread reads exactly like a conversation that would happen at the precinct before being interrupted by captain holt