Sunshine boy!

I don't care much for akatsuki sitcom antics EXCEPT. In relation to Itachi Kisame Deidara and Tobi. Deidara HATES both Uchiha and thinks that Kisame is the only respectable guy here. Kisame doesn't like Deidara because both Uchiha are the only people on this side of the continent he gives half a shit about (his best friend and his weird ward, respectively). Obito is having the time of his life hanging out with literally his only friend, his adorable grumpy cousin that he has to keep an eye on but has enough self preservation not to talk to, and the single most amusing person in the world to fuck with. Itachi listens to Kisame and likes him well enough maybe, but mostly he's just dissociating at all hours UNLESS Tobi opens his fucking mouth and then Itachi uses every ounce of 16 y/o autistic girl swag possible to psychicly induce heart failure. Doesn't even notice Deidara is there most of the time, even though Deidara spends most of his time talking shit about Itachi. This obviously only pisses off Deidara more, making Kisame more annoyed at the blonde and Obito infinitely more amused, rinse and repeat until they spiral into attempted murder over literally nothing. Smashcut to Hidan three rooms away fucking an 80 year old bounty hunter next to the corpse of a ritual sacrifice hearing them yell through the walls and going 'thank Jashin I'm normal'.

i bring a sort of "this character is canonically malnourished and would gain at least a couple pounds during their hypothetical healing arc wherein they get better" vibe to the function that people dont really like

as my final act of love, I will swallow every "please stay" and turn it into silence so you don't feel trapped by my ache

itachi uchiha really is such a Character. he became a family annihilator at age 13 he joined the ninja cia when he was even younger hes a terrorist but not really he hasn’t slept in one thousand years he has a weird will-they-won’t-they thing going on with his serial killer coworker who also just happens to be a shark he’s a pretty boy he speaks in a permanent monotone hes been coaxing his younger brother into murdering him for a decade as part of a torturous rube goldburg self fulfilling prophecy contraption he created out of what he thinks is genuine love and affection he’s basically the single most adept user of mindfuck maneuvers in the world he’s the most haunted teenager to ever live he’s got a bunch of crows that follow him around he’s practically unbeatable in combat he’s terminally ill he’s going blind he’s coughing up blood like a frail maiden with tuberculosis he’s twenty-one years old and somehow in between all of this bullshit he manages to paint his nails a muted shade of lavender and keep his hair silky smooth. like man…. what the fuck else is there

and in death, itachi didn’t die as a ninja of the leaf, an uchiha, or a missing-nin. he died as sasuke’s brother.