"it's so fucking over" yeah dude it's 11pm it's the end of the day it's time for you to go to bed. and tomorrow you'll be so fucking back because you'll be awake. go tuck yourself in dude you'll be ok

having unwashed hair will have you believing shit like i can’t be saved

unhappy side effect of "morally ambiguous" being treated as the pinnacle of writing is that you will often be made to experience what a not so talented writer with big aspirations thinks is morally ambiguous

I kind of miss the impulsivity that certain spaces used to allow. oh you want a hair cut today? hairdresser in the corner can fit you in before her 2 o’clock. tattoo of a cobra… sure leg or arm? even concerts, back when you could go to the box office thirty mins before any show. not saying these things don’t exist at all, but everything feels booked five months in advance and 10x more expensive

fellatio sounds like a supporting shakespeare character rather than oral sex on a penis to be honest

I hate when I get two problems in a row. They’re all gonna think I’m making it up.

[clearly experiencing symptoms of mania] oh i get it! im finally normal!

It's nice that loud noises don't stick to clothes like smells do. That would be really bad if they did.

coach put me in. not to make anything better but just change the situation a little bit

As a principled feminist I'm often tempted to say shit like "are men capable of higher thought" but then I have to remember not to perpetuate gender essentialism and change it to "why do men choose not to think about anything"

scientists are experimenting on cross-breeding a crab and a cheetah; things could go sideways real fast