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@inevitableenquere

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i think being proud of where you come from is one of those things that becomes fun the more specific you get. like "proud to be english" bad rancid vibes. makes you sound like the kind of person who rants about immigrants. "proud to be from yorkshire" better vibes. i cannot deny the yorkshire cultural heritage. "proud to be from pocklington" absolutely fucking hilarious please never let anybody kill your pocklington pride.
i love the USA: weird vibes. dont trust that.
i love muskegon michigan: you are experiencing a kind of personal joy that i can and will not take from you
A comic about a dream I had about a snake
that is the face of a man worried he will be next
Good news, he was not next! In fact, she accepted him as her mate, he learned the crane mating dance and now every year, he artificially inseminates her with crane semen to expand the very endangered crane population. True story.
Sorry, he WHAT? Imagine being this man's boss and having to sit him down like. Listen. Brian. We need you to fuck the bird. You have to act like you're excited about it.
crane husband.....
this is the diametric opposite of all those awful swan wife stories and i love it.
(WalWaPo makes you jump through like three separate hoops before you can read the article, so I will share some of the highlights:
Walnut was born in a species-recovery breeding program in the 1980β²s.Β The program had crane chicks hand-raised by human volunteers, and at that time they did not fully understand the measures necessary make sure that the chicks do not imprint on humans and retain their identity as cranes.Β Β
As a result, her keepers believe, Walnut does not recognize other cranes as members of her own species.Β Β
It has not been proven that Walnut killed her previous suitors; however, there is a persistent rumor in the white-naped-crane-conservation community that she did.Β Β
Because this species is highly endangered, and the gene pool of the captive population is small, itβs pretty important for the survival of her species that Walnut A) mate, and B) not kill a bunch of other cranes.Β Β
The actual name of the keeper is Chris Crowe.
They both arrived at the Smithsonian Conservation Biology Institute in 2004.Β Β
Walnut immediately began paying special attention to Chris--and ignoring the eligible male crane in a nearby enclosure.Β Β
Walnut initiated their courtship, performing the opening moves of a mating dance.Β Β
Chris realized that if he reciprocated the mating dance, it might be possible to artificially inseminate Walnut with her participation and consent.Β (The process normally involves restraining the bird.)Β Β
It worked!Β Β
Chris and Walnut have had five children, who were raised by other crane couples at the facility--sometimes the biological dad and his mate--both because itβs unclear whether Walnut would accept the chicks as her own, and because Chris is not equipped to be a Crane Dad.Β Β
However, the Institute provides her with artificial eggs to sit on, and Chris takes his turn looking after them.Β (This would not work with real eggs because he canβt sit on them properly, but Walnut seems to feel that he is on the job if he just stands over them.)
Chris accepts that he is pretty much married to this bird.Β White-naped cranes live to be about 60, and they mate for life, so he knows he canβt retire while Walnut is alive.Β (At the time of the article, Walnut was 36, and Chris 42.)Β Β
Legit cannot pick the funniest part of this
she has not been PROVEN to have killed her exes, but there is a PERSISTENT RUMOR (really officers she's simply DEVASTATED, she sobs, wearing a new feather boa unfortunately resembling her most recent deceased husband)
His name is Chris CROWE. (Mrs. Walnut Crane-Crowe?)
the mental images of a whole human man learning and performing the crane mating dance, and "sitting" on artificial eggs so she thinks he's performing his duties as a husband and father (and apparently OBJECTS if he does not?)
"chris, buddy, you gotta marry the possibly-murderous crane lady for the GOOD OF THE SPECIES." (alternately: "chris, my man! good news! we found you a very interested lady! She's 36, she's very spirited and independent, she holds a very important and rare status in her society! ...Is there a downside? WELL...")
chris sits any potential human partners down, like "my love, you must understand before we wed,,, i am already... Attached" (camera drifts wistfully to the above photo) "Lady Walnut and I have an,, Understanding... the relationship is open, but very committed"
just had to explain this post to my father bc he thought my stifled laughter was a signal of illness.
well done, everyone, good game. hit the showers.
Not only is he 'married' to walnut, this has apparently happened SEVERAL times, so he has MULTIPLE crane wives, none of which know about any of his other crane wives. This man is, for some unknown reason, irresistible to cranes
the βthis content has been removed for violating Tumblrβs Community Guidelinesβ notice really adds a lot of flavor to this post and somehow makes it MORE obscene than whatever that actually was
World Heritage Post
I regret being the bearer of bad news, but I thought it should be shared that Walnut passed away in January of this year (2024). There's a lot of mixed info about the lifespan of cranes (due to people misunderstanding what a median is...) but the average for most species I know of is 20-30 years (in the wild if nothing eats them/they don't die young), and 30-45 in captivity, with the oldest known white-naped crane having loved to be 46. Given that she was 42, this old gal did good, and I'm certain she will be missed by folks here.
Fly on forever Walnut Crane-Crowe
I love my job, but reblogging employment jelly for someone else I love.

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your friends love you, your brain is just mean
Some malls in China introduced βhusband storage podsβ as a place for husbands to relax while their partners shop. These pods often come equipped with comfortable chairs, video games, and entertainment systems to keep them occupied. This concept gained attention for being a creative solution to make shopping trips more enjoyable for everyone involved.
my nothing
laptop overheating?? pour water on it to cool it down!
i trusted you
Do not trust people like me.Β I will take you toΒ museums, and parks, and monuments,Β and kiss you in every beautifulΒ place, so that you canΒ never go back to themΒ without tasting meΒ like blood in your mouth.Β I will destroy you in the mostΒ beautiful way possible.Β And when I leaveΒ you will finally understand,Β why storms are named after people

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I told my little nephew that I'd wave at his airplane when it flew over my house today, and he very calmly and politely explained that it wouldn't be possible to see me due to the limitations of human vision. I said he just had to squint real hard, and he took a deep breath and went into the toddler version of "see, what you're not understandingβ"
Everyone please look at this snapping turtle, walking to the pond outside my house, still groggy from a 6-month nap.
the music made this one of the most hilarious things i have ever seen, thank you so much.
GJJGJRKGNH THE MUSIC GOES UNDERWATER WITH THE TURTLE
sound on sound on sound on
The absolute contempt for these locks is palpable.
hope is a skill
hope is a weapon you are trained to wield
favourite additions
You cannot hide this in the tags, bestie. This is too lovely to keep a secret.
8/27/2023
i suggest hope
^ Every revolution starts with hope.

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Oldest human footprint discovered, made 153,000 years ago in South Africa.
Oldest human footprint in North America, made 21,000 years ago in New Mexico, USA.
Oldest human footprint on the Moon, made July 20, 1969 on the Sea of Tranquility, Earth's moon.