anisogamy-critical feminist | tech-bro-coded lady | trans-detrans solidarity | the complete realization of the desiderata implicit in these body-despising values | the smile on your estradiol | highly masculine right-brain systems thinker disconnected from Nature | yes there is textiles, hair, and anatomy discussion on this blog too because reasons
the standards are so different for men from women on clothing it's insane. the fact that I care about how my clothes fit and dont wear sweatpants unless I'm at home or at the gym makes me "well dressed" when for a woman that's like bare minimum to not be a slob.
At somewhat formal events it feels like I have a choice of clothing options which can go in a washing machine and can vary based on weather conditions, while men need suits, which can vary somewhat based on weather conditions but will never have short sleeves.
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based on reports of trans people trying gender hormones for the first time, it seems that gender hormones are very psychologically active. You'd think that this would make men and women extremely different psychologically (image a world where estrogen had the effects of adderall or alcohol).
However, individual responses are different enough that you can't make judgments like "obviously, women are happier than men; they are taking the happy hormone (progesterone)"
this post has been up for five hours and has two notes. i think tumblr shitcanned it because it has pictures of women wearing bras on it. very cool. no censorship message, just vanishing it
AHHHHHH someone put all the info from the now-extremely-hard-to-read, 10+ year old bra post into one nice infograph! THAT POST WAS MY BOOB BIBLE. Yay Boob New Testament!
further FYI: it is EXTREMELY common for breasts to be different shapes and different sizes. if you find that your breasts are different to the point that it's hard to find a bra, if your cup sizes are extremely different, you may find that masectomy aids are helpful - ranging from variations on bras to partial forms or shapers!! a lot of insurances in the US will aid with cost if you ask your doc for a script, and a lot of docs are willing to write that script bc not only is breast support critical, the emotional impact is no joke. you don't have to have had a mastectomy to use these aids!! it's ok!!
here's one place that will let you see what is available but there are a number of sites -
also ms-demeanor mentioned this recently but the ABraThatFits reddit scene can sometimes make it seem like if you dont fit the recommended bras or they aren’t comfortable for you, its because there’s something wrong with you. that is absolutely not the case. sure sometimes you can fuck up taking a measurement but also you know what makes you comfortable and what doesn’t. in my limited observation, these posts above are most helpful to medium and large size breasts and can be (not always) less helpful or pointless for very small breasts. idk i just wanted to make it clear: you do not need to wear a bra unless you *want* to, are being forced by circumstance to do so (such as clothing surveillance or policing at work), or need it for support or functional/medical reasons.
So much of the crazy gender binary standards are calls entirely coming from inside the house. Often calls coming from inside the house incorrectly insisting what someone outside thinks.
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ppl without meds: wow…. i can't imagine being dependent on medicine... pills every day? injecting myself every week? how tragic
ppl who need meds: holy fuck they invented the solution to my problem and i literally just need to take magic tiny rocks and inject some substance every week. oh my god. i get to feel better in literally any capacity. holy shit
ppl who need meds but can't access them/meds for their thing don't exist yet: holy fuck I wish I had tiny magic rocks or injectable substance or cream or gel or potion or implant to take at whatever rate necessary to fix my problem. I'd kill to take that every day/week/etc forever if it would fix my thing
at a place i used to work one of my coworkers said something along the lines of "would you really want a pill ruling your life?" and in that moment i knew he had never known what it's like or how much effort i have to put in to function "normally". like yeah, sure, i want a pill ruling my life, whatever, if it means the fucking disorders that plague my every waking moment chill out a bit. i got medicated for depression about 2 years after that conversation and i cannot overstate just how much it's helped me to just be stable. like i still have shitty days, and i still have depression, but it feels less like i'm drowning now. so again yeah if i had the option of feeling the way i used to everyday forever and taking one (1) small pill everyday, i'll take the pill every time.
the pill is not in charge! the pill gets dragged along to where I want to go. what rules your life are medications that need to be refrigerated or kept in some other stupidly narrow temperature range.
The state *especially* does not need to assign you a gender, nor does it need to keep inalterable record of it btw. That's not the more woke option, it is just as bad.
If the point of state ID was to contain arbitrary medical information that might be useful, they'd ideally offer you the opportunity to list more stuff, not just sex and organ donor status.
this is what hair salon people sound like when they're putting together books of example haircuts. and you're like "okay, but i have actual short hair" and they're like "well then there's One style and it's the pixie cut, unless you want to get into the men's haircuts".
I accidentally did a Wikipedia binge about 1st wave feminism and fashion and stumbled upon the 1890s bicycle suit. Do people know about this? Why didn't anyone tell me about this? This is dope as hell.
Wikipedia talks about the bloomers and the leg-o-mutton sleeves, but I'm also noticing a lot of these outfits have absolute supervillain lapels, which I also like a lot.
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gender essentialism is soooo funny bc it's like "this is what women are like" and you're like "I've met women and many of them, if not the majority, have not been like that" and it's like "well women SHOULD be like that" and you're like "why should women be like that" and its like "because that's what women are like"
my favorite is "women are like that" "I've met women, not all are like that. I'M a woman and I'm not like that" "yes well it's because some women are more masculine than others in their mind so they fit more with ways all men are like"
A Belated Retrospective on "I Sexually Identify As An Attack Helicopter"
Obligatory disclaimer: critiquing a work on the basis of beliefs it seems to reveal does not mean that the critic believes it is morally acceptable to mistreat the author of said work. It is not, in fact, morally acceptable to mistreat the author of said work.
The first thing the reader learns about the narrator of the short story "I Sexually Identify As An Attack Helicopter", by Isabel Fall, is that it* sexually identifies as an attack helicopter.
The second thing the reader learns about it is that its body is "an XX-karyotype somatic female".
In a vacuum, this choice doesn't mean much of anything. There is a deliberate contrast (reinforced half to death in the story) between the nurturing softness expected of the feminine and the inherent violence of a machine like an Apache attack helicopter. The motif is deliberate, sprinkled into every paragraph, in the same way that an early-transition trans person will reflexively point out (in their mind or out loud) everything that makes them feel like they are in essence their gender, every way that they didn't fit in their old role that was assigned for them, every incongruence.
It becomes a little more interesting once one observes patterns in the way that the narrator describes its gender, though. It tells that becoming an attack helicopter was a deliberate choice; that this choice was born out of resentment for the womanhood forced upon it. It describes womanhood as characterized by fear; of surveillance, of violence, of impotence. It characterizes its transition as one from a societal patient to an agent. Is this a meaningless decision?
But what an agent it is. The story makes no bones about this being the wrong choice; the mission that it has been set is to blow up a high school. It does not view this as simply carrying out orders; it views inflicting death and imperialism on the part of a dying state as an integral part of its being, as its calling, its purpose. It has transitioned from the face of the "innocent dead" to their nightmare. As skillful as the narrative is at getting the reader into its head, there is not a single moment when it presents this as a morally ambiguous act; there was no belief in justice in the narrator's choice, never the slightest question that it was simply doing what suited it personally best. Is this a meaningless decision?
Neither is. But the narrative plays coy with its thesis; snippets of the narrator's military gender studies class... "If gender has always been a construct, why not construct new ones?" it says. In the world of the story, the work of generations of queer activists against the pressures of societal gender essentialism led directly to the production of new weapons of war. In the epilogue, the narrator's gunner detransitions. The narrator tells us that this is a necessary new queerness, that maybe you, the reader, can see the narrator's gender as a perversion of liberty that generations fought to gain. It tells us that it has tried to show us who it is, that it has tried to leave us without judgement, so that we can form it for ourselves.
"I sexually identify as an attack helicopter" is a phrase born from a specific context. Maybe you've been conditioned to think about it as a meaningless snarl phrase against transgender people sensu lato. Tell me, then, what image does the phrase "blue hair and pronouns" conjure up in your head?
Our narrator chose on a whim to become an attack helicopter, even though it had not considered itself to be anything besides a woman before. Our narrator's body is "an XX-karyotype somatic female". Our narrator believes that gender is a construct, that there is no essence within us that makes us who we are. Our narrator's transition is a vehicle for it to acquire agency. Our narrator tells us to imagine it as no longer a member of the "innocent dead"; the inhabitants of the stock phrase "women and children". Our narrator says that it is still in some ways a woman, when it comforts its copilot.
That is to say, of course, that the narrator is exactly the type of person who the snarl phrase is aimed at. A nonbinary person who transitioned away from femininity and towards a gender not recognized by wider society not because of a deep, internal sense of identity, but by choice.
In a different story, told differently, this might indicate agreement with these beliefs, the perspective that perhaps what counts as "gender" truly is flexible, but that we cannot allow our movement to be co-opted by powers that wish to misuse its ideology.
This is, however, a story where the narrator blows up a high school.
Its thesis, despite coming from the perspective of its transgender author, is as follows:
*Aircraft are sometimes referred to as "she", much like ships; this is less common than for ships in general, and is significantly more common in fixed-wing aircraft than in rotary-wing aircraft like the narrator. I choose to use "it" here based on the latter.
It's insane that you're expected to HAVE to gender someone whenever you refer to them in the third person.
Singular they was meant to be and (and mostly still is) the way to refer to someone without gendering them! using singular they was the 'it's too hard to make a new gender neutral singular third person pronoun catch on, lets just use singular they, we already use it for unknown gender and have for ages, it's the most feasible way' compromise.
calling someone 'they' is not misgendering them, it's NOT gendering them at all. it's going 'i'm not telling you what gender this person i'm referring to is'.
maybe it's because i don't know their gender (classic use case), maybe it's because i don't want you to know (i've done this when i'm talking about cis friends to family who think men and women shouldn't be allowed to be friends), maybe i just don't think it's relevant to the conversation at hand, maybe it's because they're agender or nonbinary or their gender is complicated (the people who say 'my pronouns are they/them').
maybe it's a losing battle, and the use of singular they has shifted from all the people in the last category that we really do need to come up with a new word if we want to refer to people without bringing up people's gender in english.
But i think it's unreasonable to go 'i'm not someone in that last category, so you are never allowed to talk about me without explicitly mentioning my gender in any conversation you have with anyone ever'.
@the-grey-tribe relevant to discussions we've had before.
I think one of my current frustrations with system of oppression based frameworks, as someone who does want to understand and address some problems they were developed to theorize about, is how they seem to make people worse at understanding regional differences in hostility towards different groups and to end up with generalizations about how much the problem happens that are like, it's Mad Max out there. Like I'm not claiming this is insurmountable as a problem with these frameworks, but if you read a bunch of super abstract stuff about our oppressive society, in my experience your brain starts assuming that like, every micro level social environment is just utterly hateful because we're all nested inside a set of systems that are utterly hateful. And like, all institutions that have an impact on the world are assumed to be equally oppressive in some sense. When my hashtag lived experience is that I'm in in California and go to a school that is very Woke. There's a lot of problems here, it's not a pacifist commune, but whenever a trans person from Texas or just someone raised by more invasive bigot parents tells me what's going on I'm like whoa.
New form of identity politics about the unique abjection of the transSouthern experience that us Yanks will never understand. How dare a person from California speak on it... How dare we use the suffering and oppression of Southerners to our benefit and so on. We're disproportionately represented everywhere in trans advocacy.
And like, I would bet one hundred USD that trans people in the South are more likely to experience specific types of negative social treatment and have worse outcomes on various fronts. Maybe that's actually an income level thing. But I would assume that some differences exist even when you control for it. It's totally ripe for discourse, just not sexy-- yet.
And this is also why I'm frustrated by how much ink was spilled on how like, maybe the real bigots are liberals from Portland, let's zoom in on the small ways people are boorish and obnoxious in our gender studies seminar. Like I get it, the hypocrisy sucks and venting is a normal human response, but it feels so totally Obama era.
Personally, nobody has ever been outright homophobic to me in my entire life, just sometimes obnoxious about gender nonconformity. Which is pretty different from how people talk about things.
Like, looking at the "straight privilege knapsack":
I could go for months without being called gay if my girlfriend was not amused by calling me gay.
I am not asked to think about why I am a lesbian,
or generally to speak for all lesbians.
People do not ask me why I chose it, or why I disclosed it, or insult me about my orientation.
If people have made assumptions about my sex life I haven't noticed.
I have not been accused of pushing my orientation onto others.
My friends and family all know and they're chill and I never expected them to not be chill.
I have not worried about problems going home from meetings.
I think my orientation got covered in sex ed but I don't remember. It didn't show up in English class books that I remember but that was not in my top 10 complaints about English class.
People don't define me by my orientation.
When I have problems I need not ask of negative situations whether it has sexual orientation overtones.
Nobody noticeably reacts when I hold hands with or kiss my girlfriend.
I did not grow up with games that attack my sexual orientation.
People mostly don't use terms for my sexual orientation to describe things.
My employers have never cared.
I guess I can't count on representation in all media but I don't care that much. Like, it would be nice if Terraria had gay NPCs, but it only has a few NPCs who express attraction, so it seems not crazy for all of those NPCs to be straight. It would also be nice if random pop music was gayer but it doesn't matter that much and, you know, it would also be nice if random pop music wasn't about relationship drama and the club.
Also, my femininity ever gets challenged but mostly because I get into stupid arguments, nobody in real life would feel comfortable doing it.
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if the only men you know are scumbags then you should look into changing the social spaces you inhabit.
The majority of men are basically, like, fine, but it's a well-documented observation that people will tend to stick around with people who hold similar values etc. This is called "homophily" in the social sciences.
So you get these calls for men to "call out" their friends who make misogynist jokes but well... most of the men who will actually hear that message are already not friends with the men who make those jokes, BECAUSE they find men who make those jokes odious.
Decent men and scumbags tend to self-sort into distinct social scenes. This isn't absolute, there are mixed groups, but it can lead to specific scenes or subcultures where all the men are shit heads. If you are finding yourself surrounded by such men consider taking up new hobbies and expanding your social circles. You may have to go out of your comfort zone.
There are factors that bring heterogenous groups together -- work, school, university, to the extent that it's actually succesful political activity -- so it's not like you can have a life totally seperate from the bad guys. This isn't some solution to all life's problems. But I am telling you that if you think some abhorrent behaviour is something the "all men" do then you are wrong, and should consider whether you can change up your social surrounding so you are no longer exclusively associating with shitbag men. This doesn't solve sexism but it probably gives you, personally, a better time.
I don't want to say "it's the most woman thing in the world to worry that you look like a man," but every time I see a girl go "ah, what if x makes me a man" I'm like .... that's some certified woman shit you just said there. that's some bonafide dame posting right there.
and like I don't want to say it Like That because saying it Like That leaves in some fucked up implications. Like. Being confident in your body doesn't make you any less of a woman. Not caring if you look like a man or not doesn't make you any less of a woman. Not all of womanhood is suffering. Etc etc. But like...given, I guess, the fact that woman is treated as an underclass in this society, a narrow category where the goalposts are always moving and where "being a woman" is seen by society as some kind of wretched work in progress where you at once have to pour hours of effort into embodying a truly unreachable ideal all while making it look effortless.........................
I really truly feel like there is a significant overlap between cis and trans women that is like, oft overlooked in terms of, like, "oh fuck what if I don't look like a woman enough/what if I'm not performing womanhood enough/what if I'll never be a desirable woman who people want around + are attracted to?" I have to assume the reason this overlap is oft overlooked is just straight up transmisogyny - the idea that trans women have "something" to fear, that cis women deeeeep down magically have some sort of "intrinsic" woman essence. it seems that trans girls tend to be told their reason for "failure" is that damn "male" socialization/chromosomes/whatever else, while cis girls are obviously not told they are too "intrinsically male" to be girls. But cis girls still very much have like...a majority of the same brainrot, even if their "failures" are not blamed on some sort of "intrinsic maleness." All women have -- or have experienced others try to instill it in them, at the very least -- this widely permeating fear of not appearing "woman enough." Misogyny comes for us all. All women are taught to pick at themselves endlessly. girl you are so woman rn
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