rambles of an inattentive lawschool student

My doctor's office messed up. They were supposed to send my prescription to the pharmacy the other day, but they forgot to do it. Today I went to the pharmacy to pick up my meds but my prescription had not come in. They gave me the meds, but they told me to contact the doctor's office so they could still send the prescription to the pharmacy. 

There is a little problem though, I always get Concerta and the pharmacy usually orders it so it's delivered the next day. This time my prescription didn't come through so they had no idea that they had to order it. So instead they gave me a generic version because they didn't have Concerta,  and we all know generics suck, it was not even significantly cheaper, only 2 euros. But I had the choice no meds or generic meds and considering the amount of things I have to do, it was an easy decision.

Back at home the child-proof cap of the pill bottle turned out to be pretty adult-proof as well and I spend the better half of ten minutes trying to get it open. After 10 minutes I managed to open it and the pills were completely different from what I expected. The shape was different and they were very small.

I was already skeptical about them but I took one anyway and I don't know if it was my imagination, but the pills made me feel weird. At work I had no focus and for over five hours I felt like I had to lay down and take a nap. I didn't really have any energy  or focus and I felt somewhat weak. I wasn't tired at all before taking them because I had slept for 11 hours. Now, 8 hours after taking them, I don't feel like they're still working, but I feel somewhat ''normal'' again.

I will have to wait and see how they will make me feel tomorrow. Maybe I'm just not feeling well or maybe it's related to something else. I'm going to try it for at least two weeks and if they don't seem to work I will ask the doctor to give me a new concerta prescription.

Of course my last post was not effective at all! Little one decided that she had spent enough time in her mom's womb and decided that her due date was going to be the perfect birthday! 

She's tiny and cute and absolutely perfect.

You're probably looking at the title and think: how can add cost this girl a lot of money?

Yesterday my day started out as any other day. I woke up late, I talked to a friend on Facebook and I decided to go grocery shopping. I had a fair amount of cash in my wallet and I intended to pay cash. Unfortunately there was really long line at the cash checkout, so my impatient self decided I wasn't going to wait for that and I took the card checkout line > BIG MISTAKE NR.1. 

I went home, parked my bike went inside and put the groceries away. I realized I had a problem with my bike so I decided to go to the bike repair. It was a minor problem that was easily fixable. Even though I knew they probably wouldn't charge me anything I decided to bring my bag with my waller, just in case they would charge me > BIG MISTAKE NR.2.

At the bike repair the were able to fix the problem within a few minutes and of course they didn't charge me anything. I went back home, parked my bike and of course I forgot to take my bag out of the basket on my bike > BIG MISTAKE NR.3.

90 minutes later I left my house to go to work and I realized my bag was still in the basket. So I checked if everything was still there. Guess what? 65  euros was missing from my wallet. My wallet was still there along with all my cards, but the money was gone. You can't see through the basket so you have to stand over the basket to see that something is inside.

It's awful for me because I work really hard for that money. I'm a student and I can barely pay my bills. I have to work 6 hours for that money and considering I work 18 hrs a week, a third of my weekly income was stolen from me. What's even more frustrating is that it happened on the closed property in front of my building, and I live right next to where I parked my bike . It's only accessible if you have a key or if someone let's you in, so in all likelihood it's one of my flatmates or their visitors that stole my money. I did hear a group of people talking at some point near my bike but I didn't think anything of it because I did not realize my bag was in there. It might very well have been the point when my money was taken from my wallet. I do have an idea who it was.

It was stupid to forget my bag but that can happen when you have attention issues (also when you don't have attention issues but it happens more often if you do have them). Just because someone leaves something unattended, it doesn't give you the right to go through it and steal from them. That's what really angers me.

I filed a police report, but because it was cash I don't think I will ever be able to proof that it was actually taken, but I filed it anyway even if it was only for the record. I also asked the local butcher across the street if they have camera pointed towards our gate, but they don't have camera's facing that way. I am going to talk to my neighbors about it though.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail the exam but that's okay because I can do it again next year. I'm just gonna try and see what kinds of questions they will ask, so I will know what to expect next time. Also, I can find out if three hours is reasonable time for me for this exam, or whether I will need a time extension.

I live in the city centre and a few older friends invited me to have drinks with them, they're all older (1 guy 2 girls). One is like forty, the guy is 27 or 28 and the other one is one year older, so 24. I had drinks with them, I drank 3 wine and I was slightly intoxicated because I didn't eat in over 6 hours, but that's not really a problem because I knew I would be able to get home. 

After 90 minutes, two guys we didn't know appeared at our table asking questions and stuff. So my 2 female friends decided to switch roles while I was awkwardly sitting there, so when the guys (especially one of them) found out that they weren't in for fun, they turned to me. I tried to get rid of them but they ended up standing at our table for thirty minutes, and I felt really uncomfortable. Eventually they left and we decided to go home.

I live only two blocks from the place where we were but I was pretty uncomfortable walking home on my own, considering that those guys had just left and I had no idea where they were. I live in the city centre and there are always people there but not only ones with good intentions, so I really didn't want to walk home alone because the rapers are gonna rape no matter what. Even if I live only a block away there is still a chance that something bad might happen, I pass a few deserted places and alleys, so I really wasn't comfortable walking home.

I asked my oldest female friend to walk with me, she told me she would walk with me and my other female friend decided to go to another club because she knows everyone, but at some point she decided to go home as well and when I asked them to walk me home....

....they all fucking refused.

I was really angry because one had promised and on his way home the only guy literally passes my house, same goes for the other girl. So I asked themagain  to please walk with me and my older female friend was like: ''No because he (the guy) is having knee surgery on friday'' And I was like ''What does that have to do with anything? His surgery is 6 days from now, not today''.

But they all refused so I got angry, one wanted to hug me but I refused. I gave them the finger and I walked home on my own. I didn't get raped (of course not) but I was feeling really uncomfortable knowing the two stalker guys could  still be around and knowing my friends refused to walk me home, when they would pass my house is on their way home. They didn't even have to take a longer way home.

I might be overreacting, but in my opinion this really is fucked up. One of my friends told me to walk me home and the other one decides to go home and all of a sudden no one is able to walk me to my house which is two small frickin blocks away. Imagine: I was somewhat intoxicated (something that I wouldn't have done if I were with persons that I don't trust), these are my friends, I trust them and then they just don't even care if I get home safely. This is not what friendship is about. I mean, come on, am I that unimportant or meaningless to them? This is not friendship. Even if the chances of getting raped are small, they still should have made sure I got home, considering my house is on their way home and the fact that I was pretty tipsy (being tipsy is my own fault but it was inside my comfort zone at that moment because I trusted them). 

I am so tired of insurances.

Every year there seems to be some reason to change my healthcare insurance. I'd rather just stick with one and the same insurance for a few years but every year they decide to raise the insurance premium and usually they change important things, disadvantaging my position. Duh, because that's what insurances do. 

So this year I had every intention to keep my current insurance but they decided to raise the insurance premium with over 10 percent. I wasn't too happy with that, considering that I was already paying over 100 euros a month (they increased it from 104 to 118). There's  also the thing where they decided not to enter into a new contract with my local hospital, so if I will go there I will have to pay the bill myself, unless it's because of an emergency. Honestly, it's kind of stupid to pay more money for my insurance when I can't even go to my local hospital. 

What also pissed really pissed me off was the fact that they are being really disadvantaging towards people with ADHD. Ritalin is covered by the primary insurance because it's cheaper but Concerta isn't because the government's thinks that you should just take 3 or 4 ritalin a day instead of 1 concerta. Of course that's because Ritalin is ten times cheaper.

My additional insurance package does cover Concerta and other medicines that aren't directly covered. I was looking at the other policies my insurance is offering and a couple expensive ones said that they were covering a particular amount of money for medicines that aren't covered by your primary insurance, unless it's adhd medication. 

That pissed me off so hard. What are they trying to accomplish here? Are they trying to tell us that there's no need to cover these medicines because they think we don't actually need them? Like wtf. I was really angry about that, because they made it seem like ADHD meds are not important enough to cover.

If it costs them too much money to cover it, I'd suggest they complain with the ministery of health that these meds should be covered by the primary insurance, even though Concerta is more expensive. For me personally it works much better than Ritalin and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who feels this way. Because apparently there are so many people who take it, that the insurance doesn't want to cover it anymore because they think it's too expensive. 

But I didn't wear any. So I kept telling people that I wasn't wearing any make-up and I gave them strange looks.

After going home I realized that I was actually wearing eye pencil. Oops.

So I made a complete fool out of myself today by saying that I wasn't wearing make-up when in fact I was wearing make-up. Lol.

Lately I've been wondering whether my meds are still effective enough for me. Ever since taking them, my focus didn't improve as much as I hoped but at least it did help my memory a little bit. After taking them for over a year, I'm starting to notice that they don't last as long as they are supposed to and that my focus is not all that great. I seem to be unable to do the easiest tasks.

I am taking concerta 18mg once a day (which isn't really a lot considering my height and weight) and I'm wondering whether I should increase my dose to either 27mg or 36mg or that I should leave it the way it is. I've heard that 27mg works differently from 36mg and that the side effects are worse. Then again, 36mg is a higher dose and might lead to worse side effects as well...

But now the windows are open and it's really cold outside and now it's cold inside as well and I can't get into my bed without getting white feet. Oops.

I also made a thread ball lamp but it hasn't dried yet and I can't get to my ceiling to hang it anyway because it's too high.

The weather is changing and it's starting to get really cold outside. I have a cold at the moment and I'm sneezing every ten minutes and my nose is either full or everyhting is coming out, it's just awful. Last night I didn't get much sleep but surprisingly I'm not really tired.

My central heating is great but I don't want to leave it on at night, so I don't, that's why it's so cold at night. So today I bought an electric underblanket, I'm going to try it out today. I hope it will succeed at keeping me warm because I need a good night's rest because I need to hand in a ten page paper before tuesday afternoon and as of this moment, I have zero words.

ME.

I'm really fucking things up lately. I had written one of my exams down in my organizer and because I'm busy as hell with working to pay my rent, I didn't really check my e-mail and the course info of the class. Today I decided to check the location of the exam and it said october 23rd, October twenty-fucking-THIRD, that was two fucking days ago.

I missed my exam because I wrote down the wrong fucking date. 

What makes it worse is that I was really intending to take this exam and get a good grade for it. Next possible exam date: may 2015. 

It is my own fault, because I should have double checked and I've not been taking my meds on a regular basis and my mind is one big foggy mess at the moment. Shit like this was bound to happen. 

Because I decided not to do the other exam, I have earned ZERO credits in the first 9 weeks of grad school.

On a more positive note: I had my bachelor degree graduation yesterday, so that was pretty awesome.

I have a freaking bachelor of law degree and I'm unable to write exam dates down correctly in my organizer.

*Headdesk* *Facepalm*

Grad school is hard. I have my first exam monday and I am going to fail, I already know that. I've missed four out of seven classes and I forgot to order my international law documents. Hopefully I can buy it in the store on monday, I really hope that they aren't sold out. I've been working between 18-23 hours a week and that's why I'm falling behind on grad school. I've been putting most energy into my other class, which is much more interesting.

I was supposed to go to the doctor to get the paperwork for my time extension but my doctor can be a dick and so I've been putting it ahead of me. Because of all the delays in my application I was told that I wouldn't get my time extension in time, and knowing that, I decided not to go to the doctor (yet). I should though because I need extra time on my exam and I need to discuss my meds as well since they're not doing what they are supposed to be doing and it's making me sloppy in taking them.

I know I'm supposed to complete grad school within a year, but I've decided that I am going to give myself the time that I need. If it will take me a extra semester, I don't care, even if it takes two extra semesters.

I'm doing okay in one of my classes but the other one is just too much. I need to memorize a lot of case law and I can't even bring my case law bundle to the exam and I cannot refer to case law in my law book. To make matters even worse: Out of the five weeks I've had, I'm five weeks behind because I have to to so much reading.

This weekend I will try to catch up on everything a little and hopefully that will make things better.

In the other class we had to play court and I was one of the judges. I think it went well and I don't think I got negative feedback, I'm also working with 2 students that are waaaaaay smarter than me for the assignments and they have brilliant ideas. Compared to them, I'm stupid. They are nice about it though and they give me feedback in a positive way. 

Instead of saying: you're doing it wrong. They say: What if you would do it like this or that. They are very nice.

Honestly, I am a bit tired, but that is also because I'm working twenty hours a week and that is a lot, but I need to pay my rent.