Important Nightmares

it's a good thing mensah is already married with kids by the start of all systems red because can you imagine trying to make a new longterm relationship work when you have to explain to potential partners that murderbot will be there. no not romantically or sexually. but it is there.

I think the "pre" and "post" parts in "preposterous" should cancel each other out but everyone else seems to find my idea completely erous

boyfriend says I have to post something festive for christmas, so just sharing that one time he got his English mixed up when seeing Santa in a shopping mall and he shouted at the top of his lungs "oh!!! whore whore whore!!!"

this is a common occurrence, yesterday he asked me why a cushion said "fuck it till you make it" and a nearby store assistant nearly wound up on the floor she was laughing so hard

Tonight's alltimer was "the alarm went off at work so everyone had to ejaculate"

auto immune disorders happen when the immune system ignores regulatory factors and begins attacking healthy bodily tissues, due to what scientists refer to as "sheer love of the game"

i've always wanted to visit the beautiful city of chicago because i love their citation style

we bought a shirt at a thrift store that says "best mom in louisiana" for some reason (as a reminder we are in midwest germany) and now my spouse keeps walking around the house wearing it and saying shit like "WHO STANDS BEFORE THE GREATEST MOM OF LOUISIANA?"

Sometimes it's not "your fault" but it's still "your problem" because nobody else can fix it.

you don’t realize how important lunch is until you’re wandering around thinking about how unloveable and untalented and uniquely cursed you are and then it’s 4pm and you finally eat lunch and you go Oh. oh right.

lot of people commenting on this post like "who eats lunch at 4pm that's a terrible time to eat lunch" yes. that is the point. 4pm lunch is inadvisable. 4pm lunch is not the ideal. 4pm lunch makes the mind demons real.

how am I supposed to go to the supermarket without cavalry support

the road OUT of hell is also paved with good intentions. That’s just kind of the main road we’ve got

People think hell can afford TWO roads? In this economy? You're taking the Good Intentions Highway both directions, mate.

In 2026, the chicest thing a gay actor can do is never explicitly come out as gay but also make it abundantly clear that he is. Coming out is too modern. Staying closeted is too old fashioned. But this method merges contemporary freedom with Old Hollywood glamour and allure, and it weeds out the dumbest people who truly don’t get it. I call it the Pascal Method.