demonboy

sometimes on the tumblr app you click on an image to see it fullscreen and it will give you a completely different image it has sourced from the fucking aether. i hope they never fix this because i got flashbanged with an image of scooby doo calling me a ‘raggot’

One day ur a suicidal 15 year old and then suddenly you wake up and you're 22 years old and genuinely debating the merits of iceberg vs romaine lettuce in the salad ur making. Life goes on ig

Being an adult will have you unironically craving a vegetable

scientists are trying to discover something harder than getting out of bed to go to work in the morning. and dont make a fucking penis joke ok they already checked everyone’s dick and it doesn’t even come close

love the word fruitless. arguing with you is like if there was no apples involved whatsoever

you're bountiless you stupid bitch

jerking off is gay because you’re the same gender as yourself

DO NOT DOWNLOAD TUMBLR it will install a virus on your device called tumblr

we need more fat fitness instructors and I'm dead fucking serious

The 'ingredients you can pronounce means it's healthy' line implies a world in which the kind of nutrition a person requires scales with their biology education and grasp of phonics. Which isn't true, of course, but sure would imply some interesting worldbuilding if it were

they're called "bootlickers" because when there's a boot stomping on their neck they lean forward to kiss it

as soon as i clicked post i realized damn that's such an evocatively erotic description, i should be using this sort of language about noble kinksters, not wasting it on class traitors

you could be licking the boot of a magnificent leather mommy or daddy and instead you're slobbering over billionaires and cops? who aren't even gonna call you a good puppy after screwing you? hobbyless behavior