I lost my old blog

Hey, no homo, but I am sitting on the broken swing set out back in the perfect, quiet, 2:00am blackness and picturing the softness of your voice and the darkness of your eyes with such perfect and terrible clarity that it feels like I'm choking on my own heartbeat.

Now I'm eating croutons straight out of the bag.

Still no homo ?

I'm gonna level with you, friend: I am eating these croutons gay style.

that post about “you get bandits when you cut soldiers loose without pay” reminds me of the Thirty Years War, because one could say that beneath all the religious schisms and diplomatic jockeying, the heart of the thirty years war was “what happens when you have a state with just enough capacity to raise massive armies but without enough financial capacity to actually pay those armies” and the answer is that the line between professional armies and roving gangs of bandits disappears and every time you try to raise an army it just becomes another independently acting wildfire devouring the countryside. No matter how bad things get, every day I wake up and thank my lucky stars that I do not live in 17th century Europe. Or 17th century China. Or the 17th century Americas. Or basically anywhere in the 17th century.

thinking "everyone can tell im bad at this" as i stand completely motionless doing nothing in public

gonna start saying “you couldn’t make x movie today” but for reasons unrelated to political correctness

you couldn’t make Home Alone 2: Lost in New York today because the strict airport regulations put into place after 9/11 make it nigh impossible for a child to simply walk onto the wrong plane

You couldn’t make American psycho today because Christian Bale would actually kill Jared Leto for real

not now kitten, mommy needs to get up off her ass and overcome her fear of writing poorly because it's better than not writing at all.

"Love/sex is what makes us human" Wrong. It's the obsession with rectangles. look around you and count the number of rectangles you see.

my fav relationship ship dynamic is where it doesn't matter if you call it platonic or romantic or queerplatonic because they always act the same in every type of relationship. and the way they act? fucking weird.

Why bird do this?

Woodcocks and a few other species have mastered this bounce-step in order to trick worms and other Arthropoda into thinking rain has come by sending rhythmic vibrations through the soil as they walk. Many bugs surface during heavy rainfall to avoid drowning, hence why the sidewalks are always littered with earthworms during and after a storm.

If you walk with rhythm you will attract the worm.

No fucking way

I love how some fics are called shit like "They Only Shoot The Birds Who Cannot Sing" and it's like the most insane porn you're ever read and then some fics are called Spit On Me and it's 18,000 words of the most achingly id-scratching prose you've ever read and they're both. They're both so fucking good. thank God for fanfiction.