Surely saying “I’m gonna die” like a mantra when I’m stressed has no negative impact on me

I love tumblr more than IG bc IG feels like I’m posting looking for a job but on here it’s like I already lost the job and my wife and the house and I’m just sitting on the curb talking to myself

hard cider was invented when someone decided to make beer that tastes good instead of bad

stupid fuckin post. People have been making beer since before they even knew how to write and you think that they don’t like the way it tastes?

damn all that time and it still tastes really bad. huge L tbh

nobody else doing it like me. particularly because the way i’m doing it is needlessly difficult

“You can’t fix him” I don’t wanna fix him! I wanna FUCK him! I’m a pervert not a psychologist!

beautiful women will be like “i baked a cake” and you will say “oh ? what flavour is it” and they say well its a honey rosewater apricot pistachio cardamom vanilla fig jam earl grey poppyseed orange blossom extra virgin olive oil chiffon sponge soaked in raspberry elderflower champagne lipgloss pomegranate matcha ginger blueberry cherry blossom magnolia petal almond passionfruit persimmon syrup with whipped amalfi lemon limoncello ricotta goats cheese honeycomb black pepper bergamot lemon thyme lemon balm rosemary chantilly whipped cream cream cheese feta cheese italian meringue frosting . like ok. i want to spend the rest of my afternoons walking around inside your beautiful mind like a garden

a friend with a boyfriend is a type of dead wife

Anybody else love making coffee and doing fuck all

spring is so crazy you go outside and youre like damn its green

you actually don't have to go on dating apps to find girlfriends. many beautiful women are waiting for you on rocks out at sea

ⓘ This user is a malicious entity made of seafoam.

Out of my way, bothersome footnote, I'm about to get it

I will serve cunt again just give me a Minute

econony is fucked as hell so i’m going to try a bunch of gas station boner pills and start a class action lawsuit against which ever one hurts me the most badly