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@illnessposting
mostly a vent sideblog. i talk about being mentally ill and physical chronic illness.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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it's so weird to finally have markers that something is actually wrong. not just like externally visible symptoms or subjective experiences, but to have gone to the ER for an asthma attack and had my venous oxygen and CO2 levels actually show up as low despite pulse oximeter readings looking normal. to see actual laboratory evidence that yes i was having trouble breathing even though they gave me two nebulizers and prednisone. to see that my blood glucose was extremely high even though i hadnt eaten for over 12 hours, and ask the attending nurse/PA/doctor/not sure what they were about it and learn that oh yeah thats normal and nothing to worry about but it IS a sign that the body's in distress, that i was actually having a hard time breathing, it just doesn't really indicate much else. to have extremely high blood pressure for me (when mine is usually low) and high neutrophil levels and a 1.7 degree F increase in body temperature over the course of a few hours while in the ER, indicating my body was actually in fact in distress. and that I wasn't making shit up and i wasn't "forcing myself to wheeze" like the initial doctor treating me noted on my chart while trying to discharge me before taking labs (literally filled out discharge paperwork, and it was handed off to me after a separate nurse talked to me and ordered labs which actually fucking showed something was wrong).
they dont actually explain what was happening, but they showed definitively that i was having trouble breathing. and that i had high neutrophils when i didnt a month ago, and that could be an indicator of neutrophilic asthma which would fucking explain why steroids arent working to control it, that's a known problem. and that my temperature and blood pressure actually went up significantly while i was in the ER. i have actual evidence now beyond trusting that a provider knows that you cannot "force yourself wheeze" in your lungs. my body was acting like i was having a hard time breathing because I fucking was.
at least they didnt label it as anxiety, i know they do that a lot, but i'm so used to medical bullshit that i dont actually freak out about it. which may be why the first doctor claimed "no chest pain" even though the chest pain on the right side of my body when I breathed deeply was the reason I went to the ER, because that was new and abnormal and my rescue inhaler didn't do anything. it didnt sound like i was in distress bc i wasn't talking a lot, because i was focused on breathing so i don't get fucking brain damage from hypoxia, and you didn't ask me if my chest hurt. the whole reason i was there was because it hurt to breathe at all and i had to manually force my lungs to expel all the air. i'm not going to mention every symptom I have unprompted when I have to time my breathing to be able to talk. when every other provider that interacted with me went "oh i hear it" about the wheezing when I wasn't taking deep breaths and you didn't, I think that just means you're not a great doctor.
either way, I have evidence. blood tests don't fucking lie, even if doctors do. my asthma is not well controlled, this is the second asthma attack i've had this year, and it's getting worse. now i just need to find a doctor who can figure out why the fuck it's getting worse.
by the way, the only times i've ever gone to the ER were for asthma attacks! severe ones, where i took my inhaler and a bunch of allergy meds and it still kept getting worse! this is the first time they've ordered blood tests and lo and behold, evidence that something was fucking wrong!
btw this blood draw was AFTER I'd already started feeling some improvement and then it got worse again. I still had the chest pain. they discharged me without retesting to see if the levels were normal or without any additional intervention beyond the nebulizers and prednisone, with a methlyprednisone prescription, after an extensive discussion with the doctor who very clearly was like "yeah idk what else we could even do for you here aside from more nebulizers" after i expressed concerns about it getting worse again once i left. pulse oximetry never dropped below 95% while they were drawing blood for this - the lowest I saw it get the whole time I was in the ER was 89%, while I was talking to the first doctor and hadnt gotten any medication yet. and yet clearly the venous oxygen levels showed something weird and abnormal was happening.
so why the hell didn't they do more testing?
when someone dies because this ER sent them home without doing basic due diligence, i will not be surprised. your reaction to someone very clearly in some amount of medical distress because their body is consuming more oxygen than they can adequately supply should not be "welp, we gave a bronchiodilator and steroids, that's all we can do!" it should be FUCKING FIGURING OUT THE CAUSE. They didn't test my sputum to see if it was neutrophilic asthma, which should have been the obvious next step! i don't have a medical degree and i could figure that out from basic googling of what high neutrophils mean during an asthma attack! I had to ask them to run swabs for COVID, RSV, and influenza because that was the first thing they did in my previous ER asthma visits and no one ever swabbed me when I came in on Tuesday!
The whole reason I had to go to the ER, I would venture, is because their hospital system doesn't have a fucking asthma specialist! When i was referred to their outpatient pulmonology clinic because my asthma is still getting worse despite my PCP's best efforts, I got sent to a doctor who primarily treats COPD patients. She told me that since I was already on high dose inhaled steroids and didn't otherwise qualify for biologics (would need to be prednisone dependent for 6 months), she didn't know how to help me. This is literally the only hospital system in the county and they don't have a doctor who knows how to treat what is, on paper, uncontrolled moderate asthma? come on.
Like it took a few minutes of googling the abnormal shit on my blood testing for me to figure out the obvious suspect here is neutrophilic asthma - I had clear signs of systemic inflammation including the temperature increase + upper airway/back of throat stuff that was contributing to the wheeze even once my lungs felt okayish again. Neutrophilic asthma famously does not respond to steroids or bronchiodilators the way other types do.
also this is not the first time i've had high neutrophils on blood testing, it's just the first time they've cropped up since i moved to this state. But I've had randomly high neutrophils a few times before with no sign of infection otherwise, and I've had normal levels many other times I've gotten CBCs.
it's so weird to finally have markers that something is actually wrong. not just like externally visible symptoms or subjective experiences, but to have gone to the ER for an asthma attack and had my venous oxygen and CO2 levels actually show up as low despite pulse oximeter readings looking normal. to see actual laboratory evidence that yes i was having trouble breathing even though they gave me two nebulizers and prednisone. to see that my blood glucose was extremely high even though i hadnt eaten for over 12 hours, and ask the attending nurse/PA/doctor/not sure what they were about it and learn that oh yeah thats normal and nothing to worry about but it IS a sign that the body's in distress, that i was actually having a hard time breathing, it just doesn't really indicate much else. to have extremely high blood pressure for me (when mine is usually low) and high neutrophil levels and a 1.7 degree F increase in body temperature over the course of a few hours while in the ER, indicating my body was actually in fact in distress. and that I wasn't making shit up and i wasn't "forcing myself to wheeze" like the initial doctor treating me noted on my chart while trying to discharge me before taking labs (literally filled out discharge paperwork, and it was handed off to me after a separate nurse talked to me and ordered labs which actually fucking showed something was wrong).
they dont actually explain what was happening, but they showed definitively that i was having trouble breathing. and that i had high neutrophils when i didnt a month ago, and that could be an indicator of neutrophilic asthma which would fucking explain why steroids arent working to control it, that's a known problem. and that my temperature and blood pressure actually went up significantly while i was in the ER. i have actual evidence now beyond trusting that a provider knows that you cannot "force yourself wheeze" in your lungs. my body was acting like i was having a hard time breathing because I fucking was.
at least they didnt label it as anxiety, i know they do that a lot, but i'm so used to medical bullshit that i dont actually freak out about it. which may be why the first doctor claimed "no chest pain" even though the chest pain on the right side of my body when I breathed deeply was the reason I went to the ER, because that was new and abnormal and my rescue inhaler didn't do anything. it didnt sound like i was in distress bc i wasn't talking a lot, because i was focused on breathing so i don't get fucking brain damage from hypoxia, and you didn't ask me if my chest hurt. the whole reason i was there was because it hurt to breathe at all and i had to manually force my lungs to expel all the air. i'm not going to mention every symptom I have unprompted when I have to time my breathing to be able to talk. when every other provider that interacted with me went "oh i hear it" about the wheezing when I wasn't taking deep breaths and you didn't, I think that just means you're not a great doctor.
either way, I have evidence. blood tests don't fucking lie, even if doctors do. my asthma is not well controlled, this is the second asthma attack i've had this year, and it's getting worse. now i just need to find a doctor who can figure out why the fuck it's getting worse.
by the way, the only times i've ever gone to the ER were for asthma attacks! severe ones, where i took my inhaler and a bunch of allergy meds and it still kept getting worse! this is the first time they've ordered blood tests and lo and behold, evidence that something was fucking wrong!
btw this blood draw was AFTER I'd already started feeling some improvement and then it got worse again. I still had the chest pain. they discharged me without retesting to see if the levels were normal or without any additional intervention beyond the nebulizers and prednisone, with a methlyprednisone prescription, after an extensive discussion with the doctor who very clearly was like "yeah idk what else we could even do for you here aside from more nebulizers" after i expressed concerns about it getting worse again once i left. pulse oximetry never dropped below 95% while they were drawing blood for this - the lowest I saw it get the whole time I was in the ER was 89%, while I was talking to the first doctor and hadnt gotten any medication yet. and yet clearly the venous oxygen levels showed something weird and abnormal was happening.
so why the hell didn't they do more testing?
when someone dies because this ER sent them home without doing basic due diligence, i will not be surprised. your reaction to someone very clearly in some amount of medical distress because their body is consuming more oxygen than they can adequately supply should not be "welp, we gave a bronchiodilator and steroids, that's all we can do!" it should be FUCKING FIGURING OUT THE CAUSE. They didn't test my sputum to see if it was neutrophilic asthma, which should have been the obvious next step! i don't have a medical degree and i could figure that out from basic googling of what high neutrophils mean during an asthma attack! I had to ask them to run swabs for COVID, RSV, and influenza because that was the first thing they did in my previous ER asthma visits and no one ever swabbed me when I came in on Tuesday!
The whole reason I had to go to the ER, I would venture, is because their hospital system doesn't have a fucking asthma specialist! When i was referred to their outpatient pulmonology clinic because my asthma is still getting worse despite my PCP's best efforts, I got sent to a doctor who primarily treats COPD patients. She told me that since I was already on high dose inhaled steroids and didn't otherwise qualify for biologics (would need to be prednisone dependent for 6 months), she didn't know how to help me. This is literally the only hospital system in the county and they don't have a doctor who knows how to treat what is, on paper, uncontrolled moderate asthma? come on.
Like it took a few minutes of googling the abnormal shit on my blood testing for me to figure out the obvious suspect here is neutrophilic asthma - I had clear signs of systemic inflammation including the temperature increase + upper airway/back of throat stuff that was contributing to the wheeze even once my lungs felt okayish again. Neutrophilic asthma famously does not respond to steroids or bronchiodilators the way other types do.
it's so weird to finally have markers that something is actually wrong. not just like externally visible symptoms or subjective experiences, but to have gone to the ER for an asthma attack and had my venous oxygen and CO2 levels actually show up as low despite pulse oximeter readings looking normal. to see actual laboratory evidence that yes i was having trouble breathing even though they gave me two nebulizers and prednisone. to see that my blood glucose was extremely high even though i hadnt eaten for over 12 hours, and ask the attending nurse/PA/doctor/not sure what they were about it and learn that oh yeah thats normal and nothing to worry about but it IS a sign that the body's in distress, that i was actually having a hard time breathing, it just doesn't really indicate much else. to have extremely high blood pressure for me (when mine is usually low) and high neutrophil levels and a 1.7 degree F increase in body temperature over the course of a few hours while in the ER, indicating my body was actually in fact in distress. and that I wasn't making shit up and i wasn't "forcing myself to wheeze" like the initial doctor treating me noted on my chart while trying to discharge me before taking labs (literally filled out discharge paperwork, and it was handed off to me after a separate nurse talked to me and ordered labs which actually fucking showed something was wrong).
they dont actually explain what was happening, but they showed definitively that i was having trouble breathing. and that i had high neutrophils when i didnt a month ago, and that could be an indicator of neutrophilic asthma which would fucking explain why steroids arent working to control it, that's a known problem. and that my temperature and blood pressure actually went up significantly while i was in the ER. i have actual evidence now beyond trusting that a provider knows that you cannot "force yourself wheeze" in your lungs. my body was acting like i was having a hard time breathing because I fucking was.
at least they didnt label it as anxiety, i know they do that a lot, but i'm so used to medical bullshit that i dont actually freak out about it. which may be why the first doctor claimed "no chest pain" even though the chest pain on the right side of my body when I breathed deeply was the reason I went to the ER, because that was new and abnormal and my rescue inhaler didn't do anything. it didnt sound like i was in distress bc i wasn't talking a lot, because i was focused on breathing so i don't get fucking brain damage from hypoxia, and you didn't ask me if my chest hurt. the whole reason i was there was because it hurt to breathe at all and i had to manually force my lungs to expel all the air. i'm not going to mention every symptom I have unprompted when I have to time my breathing to be able to talk. when every other provider that interacted with me went "oh i hear it" about the wheezing when I wasn't taking deep breaths and you didn't, I think that just means you're not a great doctor.
either way, I have evidence. blood tests don't fucking lie, even if doctors do. my asthma is not well controlled, this is the second asthma attack i've had this year, and it's getting worse. now i just need to find a doctor who can figure out why the fuck it's getting worse.
the amount of care and attention the human body needs is disgusting

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i've normalized symptoms you've never even heard of
being the only person under 30 in a doctor's office sure is fun sometimes (i am chronically ill)
head hurts. whole body hurts but head especially hurts
fuck with your blog heavy. I like how open you are about having issues in your head. keep it up
im so fucking tired ugh

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
oh so thats why i was so angry when i was 13. my meds weren't working. i dont think ive felt like this in a very long time.
i mean that and the fact that I was dealing with so much bullshit. I deal with less bullshit now but I forgot how.... good? empowering? it can feel to be angry.
I'm underreacting. I'm underreacting to a lot of things recently. I certainly don't miss that, the lack of response to all sort of stimuli.
Real pain is dressing less alt to pass better
stomach hurt. dont know if it's bc i ate too much fat and/or sugar, or corn allergy
its kinda like trans rights 101 that cis women are generally treated better than trans men we have lost the plot i fear
People on reddit are so sad and despondent, accepting their fate and not fighting their insurance on anything and that's why their prescription costs are so high. Tumblr disabled people- spiteful at minimum- will argue with the insurance until it accepts the claim properly simply for the love of the game
Hot tips:
Read your insurance handbook
Laugh at it for the audacity
Read the secret employee policies you can find via google because security is shit, and highlight keywords needed for approval
Research "how to get X thing approved" both general and your specific medication/service
Look up templates that people used to get approved with
Show to doctor as well as explain each step that will be required
???
Profit
Ancient disabled wisdom: There is no Can there is only How
(if they keep fighting you go to the news/your governor/other representative. Complain like you deserve the thing you're after because you do, and you're making things easier for other disabled people in the process.)
see the problem here is that you need to have energy to do things to fight with your insurance company. the primary symptom of my array of chronic illnesses is that I have no energy and doing literally anything sucks the life out of me, including but not limited to:
the physical muscle movement required to speak
staying awake
reading and writing emails
standing to perform basic self care tasks like eating, using the bathroom, and getting water
eating and digesting things
standing and walking places
etc. i can barely keep myself alive much less have energy to do the things I need to to keep my body functional enough to do things like arguing with an insurance company.... like retrieving the meds i already have coverage for so i'm in a healthy enough physical state to even make a phone call.
I do not have someone who cares for me who can do this shit on my behalf. i have fought my insurance company before when they denied coverage for something on a blatantly illegal basis (straight up discrimination) and when they decide to continue being assholes about and deny appeals, your only option is the legal route. something I didn't have energy for then and don't have energy for now.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
becoming increasingly convinced that i have an undiagnosed motor neuron or neuromuscular disease. something is fucking wrong. i have way too many neurological symptoms plus muscle function/flexibility/control issues for this to just be dysautonomia, and my symptoms do not seem reflective of the state of my autonomic nervous system.
Hey if you have chronic pain, you gotta remember that the cognitive load of dealing with that is exhausting. Just that alone. Never mind what else you've got going on.
You're not lazy or being dramatic; you're overloaded.