Were Are You My Mr.Darcy?

ok that's awesome

UUYFIGGYUFTUTUY YCJCUTD WHAT?! FUCK NO

you will recover!!!! you are recovering!!! recovery takes time!!!!! recovery is not linear!!!!!

I wish everyone with eczema, psoriasis, dry skin, and other skin issues that become worse in the winter a very moisturized, comfortable and painless time.

I pull off my share or more of enviable puns, though I say it myself, but sometimes I get so jealous

hey since i’m occasionally giving out adult advice. anyone wanna know my very adult and very boring and very sensible suggestion for grief gifts for friends and family when someone close to them dies

honeybaked ham delivers

a fun new conversation I get to have with customers at my work is when they pull up to the window and ask why the drive-thru line is taking so long, and I say “sorry, I’ve got 3 people doing 7 people’s jobs right now” and they say “well why aren’t there more of you there, this is ridiculous” and I say “everyone else who was scheduled is currently under quarantine because they tested positive”. and the customer says “but you weren’t exposed to the people that have it, right?” and I say “no I saw them yesterday because they weren’t allowed to call out until they had a confirmed case,” and the customer says “well then you shouldn’t be serving me!” and I go “haha, I know right? anyway that stupid drink you saw on tiktok is going to cost you 8 dollars” 

another fun conversation is when they pull up to the window (not wearing a mask because no one ever does in the drive thru) and I ask if they’re doing anything fun today (because according to retail companies customers are very much like newborns in that if you’re not watching them carefully and making sure they’re entertained the entire time they’re in your line of sight they might choke on their own spit-up and die) and they reply “no, I actually just had to go and get tested and it TOTALLY sucked, so I thought I’d treat myself afterward and come here”. and then they smile as if there’s nothing wrong with that. and I can see their smile through the completely lack of a mask they’re wearing. and I close the window and walk away. 

shoutout to whichever brave soldier called the health department on my district and got me put into two overlapping quarantines thanks to multiple exposures 

stay home mfers, wear the fucking mask, stop treating the food industry workers as robots. Who TF thinks its ok to go to a drive through when you just got tested? as soon as I suspected exposure I went into self-quarantine until my test results came back negative. be smart about it. To anyone in the food service industry (or other jobs that aren’t kind to their workers) I’m sorry you have to put up will bullshit on all fronts.

My favorite part of Hanukkah season is hearing about how Jewish grandparents fucked over Nazi soldiers whenever possible in so many lovely ways.

Here is a story. My great Uncle Max was in a concentration camp. His was a work camp where they worked people to death. Max was a teenager. he used a rock as a pillow. Max was made to mix concrete for bunkers to protect the Nazis. Max Mixed it very wrong to make sure the bunkers would be built, but then fall apart. Who knows how many nazis he killed but I like to think it was a lot. Happy Hanukkah 

It’s been said before but I love that She-ra has a sparkly pink character named Glimmer and her mom has to say “no violence” before letting her outside

And she did not listen even once.

glimmer wakes up every day and chooses violence

Every day my joints are shocked and disgusted that I would use them for their intended purpose.

when i was a kid i used to think Elvira was Dolly’s alter-ego 

: D