Evidence

Executive dysfunction comes from a lack of available dopamine. Common advice is wrong. You need to provide your own dopamine before you can start. Otherwise you're trying to run your car on empty.

"But what if I still don't do it" well you already weren't getting it done anyway. Now you have a little treat. Try again later.

You deserve kindness and care even when you aren't being productive.

just so we’re clear, because i think someone could get that impression from these tags, oxytocin is NOT an opioid drug. oxyTOCIN (hormone, the subject of this post) and oxyCONTIN (opioid drug) look very similar and sound very similar but they are not even vaguely related despite nearly being anagrams

it is not an opioid or a painkiller. oxytocin is a hormone and neuropeptide that is involved in the way mammals form social bonds with each other. it cannot cross the blood-brain barrier, so when you take it orally, it ONLY affects your body, it does not affect your brain. thats why it’s in nasal spray form in these posts. in obstetric medicine, oral or IV oxytocin is used during labor to increase uterine contractions, because in the body it is also involved in childbirth (both the physical act of giving birth and in boding with your baby/tolerating the people around you while you are in labor)

researchers have noticed for a long time that oxytocin levels in autistic people are generally very low, which in my opinion is exactly what autism “feels like” in social situations: ie, you are ambiently aware that hugging, physical touch, conversation either intimate or smalltalk level, and just being in proximity to people you care about should feel nice, everyone else seems to be having a good time, and they cant all be faking it. so what’s my problem? why does it stress me out so badly to be around people i actually want to be around and whom i trust and love? what am i MISSING that other people have? well, it might be the oxytocin for a lot of us. again, the studies on autism are 99% on “curing autism in children” and no one is interested at all in running research on improving quality of life in autistic adults, so the research we have on this is really stupid. but it offers some insight. autistic children given oxytocin nasal spray seem to respond with what you would expect from increasing someone’s low oxytocin levels: less social stress, better verbal fluency around people, better mood around people, etc.

For the ND folks who are content with their experience, then great. This post about this particular individual’s experiences is NOT attempting to for anyone into attempting the same thing with their own particular brand of ND. What this post IS doing, though, is chronicling the results of a neurodivergent individual who felt that their “condition” was dysfunctional to their own lived experience, and chose, for themselves, to try this treatment. They *wanted* to try it, *because* they felt there was something maladaptive about how they interacted with the world.

This post is NOT saying, “all autistics should try treating this condition with this!” Because there’s plenty of ND folks who, if they don’t *enjoy* their life experience, at least don’t feel “broken”.

But what folks need to understand is that there ARE some ND folks who DO feel that they are broken, and they should have the opportunity to get information - such as actual documented experience from someone who has attempted a treatment they are considering - about options to address the parts that feel “broken” to them.

And before anyone jumps in with, “well they just shouldn’t feel broken! there’s nothing wrong with them! It’s just *different*!” Yes, and no. Some folks have been encouraged to see themselves as “broken” by peers and family who have made no attempt to understand that there really *isn’t* and issue with the fact that they do certain behaviors, or just experience life differently… because to some people, anything “different” is inherently broken.

But other folks DO feel “broken”, because of the dissonance between how they experience life, and how they see others experiencing life… and it isn’t up to you or me to invalidate those feelings. They don’t need such a patronizing and quite frankly insulting infantilization of their own feelings. If the individual has psychologist who is assisting them, then it is the psychologist’s job to *help the individual* determine what those feelings are, and then to *help the individual determine what to do about those feelings*. Not you. Not me.

You don’t get to tell them that their experience just needs acceptance and isn’t debilitating to them any more than you get to tell me that my migraines aren’t debilitating to me. It all boils down to “stop thinking about if something is wrong or right, and start thinking about if it is harmful.” Did this individual’s decision to seek treatment for something that *they* thought needed fixed harm anyone? Nope. In fact, this individual seems pretty chuffed about the results.

Now this *would* all be different if the person had been involuntarily committed by well meaning (or not) but ultimately ignorant family and then this treatment was *forced* upon them. But that isn’t what is happening here, nor is that what this post is espousing, and anyone who attempts to say otherwise is either dangerously stupid, or maliciously misconstruing the information presented… for whatever agenda.

But there's something.

He was raised by an autistic mother, back when it didn't exist.

He isn't the kind of person to say I love you, or initiate a hug. He can't talk about the things that hurt him.

But I know him and I understand him.

So I hug him goodbye. And he hugs me back.

He takes care of my mom. Through her cancer diagnosis and chemo. Through her losing her sister, taking care of all the paperwork. Taking care of his younger brother, after a reconciliation. He redresses my mom's wounds with care. Sure, he can't give instructions because he's impatient af. But he'll teach you how to do it, not just do it for you.

He will install your bathroom cabinet and sink bc the contractor will charge too much and he can do it.

He will send me discount codes for the diy stores.

I know he cares. And I've learnt how to talk to him.

as long as you smile and nod, people are satisfied. it’s just to show that you are nice and there with good intentions. we’re small in a big world and have to rely on other people to be decent to us. so we do our little human dance to each other to say, “i’m not here to hurt you. here’s something we have in common, like the weather or sports or itchy sweaters, so we both know we’re on the same team. we both agree on a basic fact, like that it is rainy or that being itchy is uncomfortable, and this proves we can get along. i’m being light-hearted and non-threatening right now.”

small talk isn’t to get to know a person. it’s just a greeting to affirm you’re buddies in the universe.

time + work = healing (a soft sequel to this comic)

for example.

-car maintenance. a noble knight would never allow their steed to languish without proper care.

-laundry. a squire must maintain the wardrobe for themself and their knight and work hard to prove themself.

-exercise: a knight must train to keep their skills sharp and maintain their strength and stamina.

Step 1: Add some silly rule to the task to make it more interesting and whimsical.

Step 2: Pretend Sam Reich just told you to do it.

Here are a few examples that have worked for me recently.

Random bloke: Maybe if you walked more you wouldn’t be so fat

My sister stops dead, stares him in the eye and goes: Is everything alright at home?

I’ve never seen a man’s face turn to horror so fast

"No," I said. "That doesn't work for me. If you're unwilling to honor the deal we made, I'm not buying a car from you."

Well, they talk for a living. So they talked. Here I am, a young woman on my own, and these two men at the dealership are giving me all the reasons they couldn't possibly honor the deal we made yesterday.

So I sat. I didn't say a word. I just stared at them.

They kept talking, trying to get a reaction out of me. After about 10 seconds, they abandoned all pretense of logical arguments and started hammering pathos. They weren't even buying my old car from me for the dealership; it was a personal favor for which they were using their own hard-earned money to help this poor guy at church who just got out of rehab and his house burned down and his children exploded and his dog left him for another man, etc etc

I didn't say a word. I just stared at them.

They began falling apart. They continued trying to hustle me, but their confidence left them. I think they might have been sweating.

Friends, I was staring silently at someone while inwardly flailing desperately to come up with a response to something they’d said that wasn’t overly rude but also was holding my ground. In my mind, I was being hellishly awkward. I couldn’t summon any charm, I couldn’t figure out a sentence to string together. Silence spooled out horrifyingly between us as I got farther and farther away from being articulate and became more and more flustered by this failure to respond. From the outside, I guess, I just looked like a stone cold bitch waiting for them to get their shit together, lol.