I had this dream once unicorn.

stay fat and sexy, people in my phone 🫶🏻🫶🏻

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okay then it is rec list time! (you will notice that few if any of these have a year of publication that begins with a 2, because fucking Toby Keith and Alan Jackson and their fucking 9/11 songs changed the entire genre.)

Johnny Cash, "Man In Black"

I wear the black for the poor and the beaten down

Living in the hopeless, hungry side of town

I wear it for the prisoner who has long paid for his crime

But is there because he's a victim of the time

Reba McEntire, "The Night That The Lights Went Out In Georgia"

That's the night that the lights went out in Georgia

That's the night that they hung an innocent man

Well, don't trust your soul to no backwoods Southern lawyer

'Cause the judge in the town's got bloodstains on his hands

Carrie Underwood, "Two Black Cadillacs"

Two black Cadillacs driving in a slow parade

Headlights shining bright in the middle of the day

One is for his wife

The other for the woman who loved him at night

Two black Cadillacs meeting for the first time

Alabama, "Five O'Clock 500"

It's that five o'clock 500, and I run it every day

Pick-up trucks, cars and buses, all in my way

We've got Darrel, we got Dale

Richard, Mark, Rusty and Jeff

Oh, the boss just dropped the green, we're on our way

It's that five o'clock 500 every day

Charlie Daniels, "The Devil Went Down to Georgia"

Johnny, rosin up your bow and play your fiddle hard

'Cause Hell's broke loose in Georgia and the Devil deals the cards

And if you win you get this shiny fiddle made of gold

But if you lose the devil gets your soul

"Sixteen Tons", originally by Merle Travis; this cover is by Southern Raised; see also covers by Tennessee Ernie Ford, Johnny Cash, Geoff Castellucci, and LeAnn Rimes and the Gay Men's Chorus of Los Angeles

You load sixteen tons, what do you get?

Another day older and deeper in debt

Saint Peter don't you call me, 'cause I can't go

I owe my soul to the company store

Dolly Parton, "9 To 5"

9 to 5, yeah, they got you where they want you

There's a better life and you think about it don't you

It's a rich man's game no matter what they call it

And you spend your life putting money in his wallet

Trisha Yearwood, "XXX’s and OOO’s (An American Girl)"

Phone rings baby cries TV diet guru lies

Good morning honey

Go to work make up try to keep the balance up

Between love and money

Martina McBride, "Independence Day"

Well she lit up the sky that fourth of July

By the time that the firemen come

They just put out the flames and took down some names

And sent me to the county home

Now, I ain't sayin' it's right or it's wrong

But maybe it's the only way

Talk about your revolution

It's Independence Day

Shania Twain, "Man! I Feel Like A Woman"

I'm going out tonight

I'm feelin' alright

Gonna let it all hang out

Wanna make some noise

Really raise my voice

Yeah, I wanna scream and shout

No inhibitions

Make no conditions

Get a little outta line

I ain't gonna act politically correct

My favorite of the “I killed my husband/boyfriend/best friend’s husband and I regret nothing” energy songs (also known as revenge country) is Goodbye Earl by the Dixie Chicks:

And “My mother wore her miniskirt to a PTA meeting and DRAGGED the biggest names in town for slutshaming her” is a reference to Jeannie C. Riley’s smash hit Harper Valley P.T.A.: