#iceddeath ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ━━ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎TRISTAN KANE ROZANOV ; with ice in his blood, consequence in his hands. Raised by locker rooms and late nights, by pressure that teaches you how to endure and how to destroy. Power defense for the SEATTLE KRAKEN. He moves through the NHL like a controlled collision — trusted, feared, decisive. The rink made him powerful. The silence afterward made him dangerous. ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎‎ ‎‎

I. FULL STORY ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎‎‎‎II. MY HUSBAND ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎‎III. MY ANGEL ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎IV. PINBOARD

own character, german/english, only 21+, open for plotting, trigger warning for sensitive subjects: alcohol + drug abuse, guilt, lost, anger issues, corruption

Honestly? For almost two weeks now, we have known that our love has grown once again. That a new chapter of our lives has begun, a chapter that feels twice as big, twice as exciting, and somehow even more beautiful than anything we could have imagined before. And honestly? I still can't quite believe it. It still feels like a dream to me. A perfect dream that I never want to wake up from. Sometimes I catch myself looking around at our life and wondering how any of this could possibly be real. Because everything we have built together feels like something I once only wished for in my quietest moments. And yet here we are, living it. Walking this journey with you through every high and every low, every challenge and every victory, is all I have ever wanted. Having you beside me, holding my hand through every chapter of our story, is all I have ever needed. No matter what life throws at us, there is nobody else I would rather face it with than you.

To our little girl.

Today marks one month since we became husband and husband. And honestly? It still feels unreal to me, like we are living inside a dream we simply never woke up from. But this is not a dream. This is our reality. I married the love of my life, the man I desire more than anything in this world, the most important person I have ever known. I know you always tell me not to thank you, but I will never stop being grateful for you. I am grateful for you more than I could ever explain. You walked into my life and pulled me out of the darkness I had been trapped in for so long. You brought light back into places inside of me that I thought would stay broken forever. Every single day, you continue to show me how deeply and endlessly you love me, and do you know what all this time together has taught me? Every moment we have shared, every memory we created, every obstacle we overcame together, it all proved one thing to me: we were always meant to find each other. We were always meant to survive everything side by side. Before you, I never believed in fate. I thought destiny was nothing more than wishful thinking, something people said to comfort themselves. But then you entered my life, and suddenly everything I once doubted became real. Meeting you was fate. Loving you was fate. The way we found each other, the way we love each other, the way we saved each other, none of it was accidental. It was written for us long before we even realized it ourselves. You truly have no idea how proud I am of you. And even more than that, you have no idea how proud I am to be the man standing beside you. The man you chose. The man you love so completely. That alone is one of the greatest honors of my life. You make me happy in ways I didn’t even know were possible. A kind of happiness so overwhelming and consuming that sometimes I still struggle to believe it’s real. And if I had to live this life all over again, I would choose you every single time. I would walk through every painful moment again and again if it meant that, in the end, the road would still lead me back to you. I still remember the fear that surrounded us in the beginning. The fear of being seen, of not being publicly out, of what the world might say or think about us. But there is one moment I will carry with me for the rest of my life: the moment you kissed me on the ice in front of everyone, in front of all those cameras, without fear, without hesitation. In that moment, everything changed. There was no more hiding, no more pretending, no more fear of loving you openly. And it became one of the most beautiful moments of my entire life. Because in that moment, I realized that loving you would always be worth every risk. You are not only my husband. You are my light. The person who pulls me back out of the darkness every single time it tries to consume me again. You remind me every day how breathtaking life can be, how beautiful love can feel when it is safe, pure, and real. And I am not exaggerating when I say that you saved my life. Because you truly did. You saved me in every possible way a person can be saved. And that is something I will carry gratitude for until my very last breath.

And today is not only our one-month anniversary as husbands. Today, our little daughter is already three weeks old. These last three weeks have passed so incredibly fast, and I still can’t fully believe she is really here with us, filling our lives with so much love and warmth. Hearing her tiny happy sounds while she looks into your face, seeing that little smile appear whenever she sees you, it melts my heart every single time. She absolutely lights up whenever she sees her daddy, but do you know what is even more beautiful? Watching you light up when you look at her. I always knew you would be an incredible father. From the very beginning, I knew it deep in my heart. But actually seeing it with my own eyes, the way you hold her, the way you look at her, the tenderness in your voice whenever you speak to her, it is something entirely different. Sometimes I just sit there and watch the two of you together, and my heart beats so fast. Eddie, being your husband and the father of our daughter, our child, is the greatest pride and joy of my life. And somehow, even now, after everything we have already shared, my love for you continues to grow more and more every single day. I genuinely don’t understand how it’s even possible. It feels endless, like there is no limit to how deeply I can love you. I hope these words can show you at least a small part of what you truly mean to me, even though no words in this world could ever fully describe the depth of my love for you. I love you more than I will ever be able to explain. I will love you until the end of this life and in every life that comes after this one. You and I were always destined for each other.

Happy 25th birthday, idiot. You should be here for this. Third birthday without you and somehow it still feels unreal, like you’re just late, like my phone’s eventually going to light up with some dumb message making fun of me for posting anything emotional in the first place. I still hear you everywhere. In old songs. In late-night drives. In laughter that sounds a little too much like yours. It’s strange how someone can be gone for years and still exist in almost every part of your life. We spent our whole childhood side by side. Same bruises. Same chaos. Same house that felt too loud some nights. Us against everyone. Against dad. Against the pressure. Against the world, honestly. And no matter how bad things got, I always knew if I looked beside me, you’d be there. That’s the part I still haven’t gotten used to. Looking beside me and not finding you anymore. A lot has changed since you left. I’m married now, to the love of my life. Still weird to say that out loud, because it still feels like a dream. He saved me from drowning. Eddie would’ve loved you like you would've loved him and you absolutely would’ve been a terrible influence on each other. I can already hear both of you teaming up against me just for entertainment. You would’ve spent the entire wedding making sarcastic comments while pretending you weren’t emotional about it. And now I have a daughter. She is the purest little sunshine you've ever seen. Because she has this smile that would’ve made you instantly obsessed with her. And I know for a fact she would’ve had you wrapped around her finger within a day. That’s the part that gets me. Knowing there are versions of my life you were supposed to exist in. Versions where you’re standing next to me in family photos. Versions where my daughter grows up hearing your laugh from the next room. Versions where she knows exactly who her uncle is instead of only hearing stories about him. But I’ll make sure she knows your name. I’ll make sure she knows you were my brother before you became my loss.

I want to use this post to thank you. Ever since you stepped into my life, you turned my entire world upside down, but never in a negative way. You changed everything for the better. You brought so much light, warmth, and happiness back into my life. You gave me my light back when I thought it was gone forever, and you showed me just how beautiful life can truly be… how beautiful love can be when it’s real, honest, and unconditional. You are not just my husband, Eddie. You are my home. You are my safe place whenever life becomes too loud and the storms inside my mind try to pull me under again. You are the one person who can calm those storms, the one person who makes everything feel quiet and peaceful again. No matter where we are in this world, as long as I have you beside me, I feel at home everywhere. Home was never a place to me until I found you. Home is you. Everything we have been through, every challenge, every difficult moment, every lesson, it was all worth it. Do you know why? Because every single step led us exactly to where we are today. And standing here with you now, I wouldn’t change a single thing about our journey. The last few weeks have truly been the most beautiful weeks of my entire life. First, we got married in Bora Bora, and it honestly felt like the purest dream come true. It was more magical, more emotional, and more perfect than I could have ever imagined. And only a few days later, I got to celebrate another beautiful day with you, your birthday. But truthfully, that day felt more like a gift to me, because without that day, without your existence, I never would have had the chance to meet the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. And the beautiful moments didn’t stop there. For the past two weeks, we have been holding this tiny little bundle of our love in our arms, in our home, and my heart has never felt fuller. Liya is truly the missing piece we didn’t even realize we were waiting for. She completes our little family in the most perfect way, and I cannot put into words how grateful I am for that. Thank you for giving me a love so pure, a life so beautiful, and a family I once only dreamed about. You fulfill so many of my dreams every single day. You treat me like I am the most precious person in this world, and for such a long time, I never even believed a love like this could exist. I never thought I could deserve something this genuine, this deep, this safe. But you prove me wrong every single day. You show me, over and over again, that I deserve to be loved exactly the way you love me. You understand me in ways nobody else ever could. Somehow, you always know exactly what I need before I even realize it myself. We complement each other so perfectly in so many ways, and every time we share those small little moments that remind us we were always meant to find each other, my heart still starts racing like it did from the very beginning. You are my everything. My greatest love, my soulmate, my once-in-a-lifetime kind of love. In this life, and in every life that comes after this one, it will always be you. I love you, Eddie Jair Rozanov.

[I captured the moment of our first morning in our home we build together with our love.]

Happy Birthday to the love of my life, my husband, my soulmate, my person, my babes.

You are, without a doubt, the most incredible thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life. And I truly cannot put into words how deeply I love you, they will never be enough. No matter how hard I try, no matter how many times I say it, it will always fall short of what I actually feel for you @goldenroz.

It’s been two and a half years. Two and a half years without your voice, without your stupid jokes, without you barging into my space like you owned it. I count the time in seasons, in winters, in games played and games survived. And somehow it still feels like it happened yesterday. And at the same time, it feels like a lifetime ago. There hasn’t been a single day where you didn’t cross my mind. Not one.

I still can’t quite believe that we’re actually here, standing in this moment, in this chapter of our lives, together. A few years ago, you stumbled into my world so unexpectedly, and even then you had this way of turning everything upside down in the most beautiful way. Every single time our paths crossed again, something shifted inside me. It was never random. It was never meaningless. It was always you. And now, it was finally our time. No more almosts, no more missed chances. And honestly, Eddie? Choosing you, choosing us, was the best decision I have ever made.

Loving you is the easiest thing in my life. Showering you with my love comes so naturally. It doesn’t feel complicated. It doesn’t feel forced. It doesn’t feel like work. It just… is. Loving you feels natural, like something my heart knew how to do long before my head caught up. I love pouring my affection into you, reminding you how much you mean to me, being soft with you. It makes me happy in a way that feels calm and steady. You brought so much light back into my life. Real light. The kind that slowly fills up the darker corners without me even noticing at first. You brought laughter back in moments where there used to be heaviness. You brought excitement back. Hope. Warmth. And I don’t think you even fully realize how much that changed me. And the best part? You love me unconditionally. I could quit hockey tomorrow and I know you would still be by my side, supporting me and continuing to love me. The fact that we get to share our passion and complement each other so well in that way, truly understanding how much time and energy this sport can take, is a beautiful bonus. But the greatest bonus of all is your love. You truly are my dream come true. You show me how much you love me, and you make me feel it over and over again. It’s so easy to let myself fall with you, to give you glimpses into my mind without being judged.

And I love you deeply for making sure Elliot is still part of my life, part of our life. That means more to me than I can ever fully explain. You don’t avoid it. You don’t get uncomfortable. You make space for him. And that kind of love, that kind of respect for my heart, is something I will always cherish. He would have loved you, I’m sure of it. Just as much as I do. And let’s be honest… the two of you absolutely would have teamed up against me and teased me nonstop. I already know I would’ve been outnumbered.

Thank you for loving me the way you do. For choosing me. For standing beside me. I can not wait for all the moments still ahead of us, the quiet ones, the loud ones, the chaotic ones, the beautiful ones. I can’t wait to build memories with you, to grow with you, to continue writing our story together. I love you, Eddie. More deeply, more fully and more certainly than I ever thought possible.