I think about how Ilya has had to make his way through life mostly on his own since he was twelve years old, about the, how he moved to a new country as a teenager and was immediately thrust in front of a camera without knowing the language or how to cope with his newfound fame. I think about the preconceived notions of Russians and how, in the absence of being able to accurately communicate (both because of the language barrier and his repressive upbringing), Ilya decided to or was forced to lean into that stereotype. I think about how soft Ilya allows himself to be with Shane, about how he takes care of him, about how silly and goofy he can be, how he's sometimes just a grown kid, how other times he's the only person who can shut Shane's brain off. I think about how kind he is, how caring, how deeply he feels, how incredibly empathetic he is. I think about how wildly Shane loves him. How there literally never could have been anyone else. I think about how incredibly hurtful it is that no one trusts Shane to make his own decisions about his own fucking life and how much it hurts seeing the coldness the world regards his partner with. I think about Shane getting home and walking straight into Ilya's arms, after having to (once again) justify his love for the best man he's ever known, allowing himself to take comfort in his warm embrace, even when it feels to Shane like he should be the one providing both comfort and shelter.

Just a few favorites from my HUDhands album

Masculanized an Asian character

Became a heartthrob as a POC

Gave an award-winning performance for a neurodivergent character

Is dating a woman after playing a gay man

Gets just as much praise as his white costar

Doesn't censor himself to fit in

Hey friends, and friends of friends I'm hoping this will reach!

As those who follow me know, I am deep into pre-production on my first short film, "Order for Owen," which I wrote and will be directing with the support of Bay Area production company Tricky Ink Productions, under their Training Ground Films initiative.

"Order for Owen" is about Owen, a young, Asian-American, trans man, who is just starting to go out in the world using his newly chosen, gender-affirming name. He debates whether or not to come out to his housemate, Ty, who he secretly has a crush on. Meanwhile, Ty is doing some self-discovery of his own.

Pre-production has been a major learning experience, both for myself and this young production company I'm working with. As a result, we are officially launching our fundraising campaign a bit late in the game.

The good news is, the initiative has fiscal sponsorship through Redwood City-based film organization BraveMaker, which makes contributions to our campaign tax deductible.

If you or someone you know (it's Pride, hit up the allies in your life!) is interested in supporting us:

⭐🌈 DONATIONS CAN BE MADE HERE 🌈⭐

And more information on Training Ground Films can be found here! (This includes info about the initiative, the first short they made, and my short!)

And whether or not you are someone who can contribute to the campaign, spreading the word is so meaningful to me too.