tugging on the drawstrings of his sweatpants while he moans lowly into your mouth. he shuts the door with one arm while the other holds you up against him. he knows you don’t like to touch communal spaces, no matter how clean your gym may be. so jason holds you up against him, pulling your weight back into him over and over. moving your hips until you’re grinding back against him while his hands on your hips keep you firmly planted there. though he second guesses himself still and he watches you intensely.

“are you sure you’re good ma? we can go home.”

you shake your head vigorously, tugging at the hair on the nape of his neck to bring his mouth closer to yours. “i’m not waiting jay.”

when you fucked like this, it was an out of body experience.

mostly because jason held your weight and his own like no problem and there was nothing to dwell on but how it felt. he places a large palm over your mouth when he guides his length through your soaked folds. dragging it up and teasing before pushing inside like he belonged. he let you moan into his hand and watched your eyes roll back in your skull. he shushes you by your ear.

“i know baby, i know.” groaning out quietly as he prods to fit himself in. “fuck— you’re so tight.”

tears prickling at your eyes already, you shake your head slowly while his hips make slow circling movements. “it’s cause you’re so big.”

jason smiles wide, hips thrusting in a little meaner as he watches you try grind back against him, but still not to the hilt yet. “yeah? i’m big? but you like that shit don’t you?”

you’re nodding through the haze of pleasure, nails gripping his back as he continue fucking you slowly through it. not even fully inside but giving you half just to pull it away. it was like being manhandled in the gentlest way possible. his strength unmatched and his body intentional, grinding his hips back into you over and over just feeding a few inches before taking it away. waiting to see you whisper in his ear that you need more, desperation evident.

then he waits until he sees the tears by your eyes start to dissipate before he gives you anymore. feeding another inch inside you, his eyes dropping to watch him splitting you open. but even after taking him before this, you weren’t used to his size.

“jay, it’s too much.” you gasp out, the feeling overwhelming. “it won’t fit.” too much and not enough at the same time.

“you’ve done this before ma.” jason tsks, “and said you could handle it. so you can take it yeah baby?”

his voice deliciously sensual already. you cave immediately. your lip trembles and you nod to let him continue. immediately you moan out loud enough for someone to hear and jason clasps his palm right over your mouth again. but he doesn’t coo you through it, his eyes stay piercing yourself and his rhythm picks up and pushes himself deeper. choking on his own spit at how you felt around around him but his hold on you remained tight. he stays buried for a minute to stare at you, watch you catch your breath and adjust to his size.

“can you move please?” you’ll ask breathlessly and he’ll shake his head.

“remember what i said baby. deep breaths.” mimicking what he meant, he watches you. breathing deep and letting it out harshly. when you copy him he smiles. “there you go ma.”

then he shifts his hips again and you lose your train of thought. more intense than it usually is, every movement he makes feels like it drags through you. like you’re pulsating around him and he purposefully continues. but his hands still on your mouth when he realizes that you’re close and he pushes further like he could reach the depths of you. kissing your cervix effortlessly while he moves you head to bite at his shoulder. cause it only felt like the good kind of pain, he’d say.

jason would feel his high approaching and whisper sweet nothings in your ear, reminding you how much he loves you like he wasn’t taking you apart without breaking a sweat, yet. his flush top with the perfect curve, hitting sweet spots everytime. it was a good idea to make you bite down on something.

groaning into your hair, he lifts you sloppily up and down on him, creating the perfect friction. he almost whines when you clamp around him and whisper that you can’t hold on.

he pants by your ear and his voice is huskier than when he’s not like this. “gonna fuck you so full. take you again when we’re home.”

entirely feral just as you are for him, jason caves and sputters when you wrap your legs around him tighter. he’s just as gone as you and you’re practically begging him to follow through on his words. when you finally let go, that’s when he does too. shooting rope after rope and painting you deep from the inside. like the most beautiful and precious thing he’d ever held, he holds you through it.

his hips with a mind of his own, continuing to thrust up into even when your legs wobble around him. he keeps one arm around your waist, firm and stable while the other rests on the wall to keep him upright as he loses himself completely. still sloppily pushing back into you when you whimper and drop your head against his. that’s when he finally stills and pulls your hair gently, just enough to see your face again.

then he kisses you with all the sweetness the world has to offer. he deepens it as he eases you with both arms now, and keeps your legs around him so you don’t fall. letting lips trail down to your neck to leave gentle bites.

when the door gets knocked on hard, the voice that followed made both of your faces burn. suddenly it occurs to both of you that anyone could’ve heard you. roy’s voice is whisper yelling but you’re sure anyone could’ve heard him with how thin the walls are.

“please stop fucking so i can change outta my trunks. i’m chafing over here.”

as if every part of him had grown, he laid his weight just over you, not crushing but enough that you could feel the difference. his heavy palms pushing your legs over your shoulders, pressing down like he belonged there. his lips trailing over the shell of your ear, praising you for taking him like this. for letting him in so deep. grabbing at your thighs and just pushing them higher and higher. he always loved a mean mating press when he was bulking. and fuck, so did you, mewling when he buried himself to the hilt. scratching at his back when he folded you just right. crying out his name with every movement he made because it was just so damn good.

the first time, he looked at you wide eyed, pulled back a little just to make sure he wasn’t hurting you. repeatedly asking, “is that painful?” and “i’m so sorry sweets, we can stop.”

to which you immediately wrapped your legs around his waist, his stomach slightly poking out and hugging your chest. looking up at him with tears in your eyes, but definitely not because you wanted him to stop, “no! it’s good, it’s really…really good,” biting your bottom lip.

he still looked at you sideways and decided to let you on top, thinking giving you a little more control might be nice. then you straddled him, holding onto his big beefy shoulders, and struggling to take him all inside without his help. you let out sharp involuntary whines. bouncing and squeezing him tightly within your slick walls. he cups your ass and keeps you still.

“baby, are you sure you’re okay?” he asks again, ever the sweet man he was.

you nod again, leaning down in exhaustion and slight humiliation for being unable to handle him on your own.

breathing his name out softly, “it’s perfect, you’re perfect. i just need your help.”

he knows it too, nodding and helping you back onto the mattress. taking his time at first, slowly easing you into it. then when he finally gets you under him again and he realizes that you really couldn’t fit him all on your own, he smiles. he doesn’t just give you that same charming and cheeky smile, but he gives you one reminiscent of the devil that finally gets you to give in to temptation. when he finally sees how much you like him like this, he’s entirely feral.

“fucking love this don’t you?” he groans out, heavy and tender in his thrusts, “you’re so sexy, fuck, i’ll bulk all the time if you like it this much,”

lips attaching to your jaw, kissing and sucking harder than he usually does. one hand kneading your breasts like damn stress balls and you can’t help it, moaning out like a pornstar.

he laughs at your neediness, “feel good sweetheart? feels good when i’m riiight,” dragging his palm up your stomach and touching the spot he repeatedly hits over and over, “here.”

then he’ll manhandle you onto your stomach, pulling you up by your hips and have you arch just right for him. he used the opportunity to slip back inside with ease and drive himself back home. his groans are even more animalistic, panting harder and gripping tight in a way that you knew would leave bruises. but you didn’t care. you couldn’t care less if anything and all he wanted was to make you feel good, repeating what he notices you like.

when he pulls you up so your back is to his chest, you mewl his name and wrap his arm around your neck. he understands it immediately, keeping you in a headlock and fucking into you deeper. watching your face contort into blissful pleasure and moaning with you because all it did was drive him wilder.

it’s too much and not enough at the same time. you have nothing to say, no words to express how he was making you feel. all you could do was claw at his forearms and push back into him, chanting his name like prayer, over and over.

he hisses dirty words just by your ear, leaving open mouthed kisses along the side of your face, “gonna fuck you so dumb, you know that? imma ruin you pretty baby.”

god, you loved bulking season.

You watch him frown a moment, and you know something's bothering him. You wouldn’t pry much, “Bubba, we gave you the key so you didn’t have to climb in through the window. Especially in broad daylight.” 

“I don’t like the way the man at the desk looks at me, and the window is much faster.” his arms cross as he slouches in his chair.

You gnaw on your lip, worried you’ve upset him more. You set the book down on Jason’s back, his breath still steady, “I’ll have Jay talk to him. Nobody is allowed to make you uncomfortable.”

His frown deepens, “That won’t be necessary. The window is fine.”

“Damian, what’s going on?” you question because you don't think his sad face has anything to do with his means of entrance.

He's quiet for a moment, glaring at the coffee table, “Father and I are arguing again.”

You wait a moment, thinking he’d give you more. He doesn’t.

“I’m sorry,” You tell him rather than asking for more. He looks up from his glaring at the coffee table, “What can I do to help?”

As much as there were times you wanted to beat Bruce up (a very bad plan considering he’s Batman), you understand that he is Damian’s father. You could at least offer your support to Damian.

Damian stares at you, seemingly caught off guard, then he asks, “May I stay here?”

You smile at the question, “Of course, bub. That’s why we got the two bedrooms.”

Your smile sinks, “We haven’t gotten a bed for the guest room yet.”

“That is alright. I can sleep on the couch. It looks far more comfortable than the ones Todd keeps in his safe houses,” his eyes drop to where Jason sleeps on top of you. He hadn’t moved the entire conversation, eyes closed, breath even. After a moment of quiet, Damian adds, “That was meant to be an insult, Akhi.”

“He’s sleeping, Damian.” You duck your chin to kiss Jason’s crown, hand combing through his hair.

“Todd is not a heavy sleeper. He has been listening, have you not?” Again, Damian waits for an answer that never comes. Your nose wrinkles with laughter.

“Bub, he’s the heaviest sleeper I know. It’s impossible to get him awake.”

Damian shakes his head, then stands walking over to you both. He pokes at Jason’s cheek. In response, Jason’s face scrunches… and then he relaxes much like usual.

“Impossible,” Damian mutters, “You’ve broken him.”

You snort at the comment, “Hey now.”

“It is a compliment. I’ve never known Todd to truly sleep. You have once again broken him of his bad habits,” Damian nods in approval.

“Sure,” you smile, “since the couch is occupied. You can sleep in our bed if you're tired.” 

Damain stares at his brother for a moment longer before he nods, turning to slip down the hall. You watch him kick off his shoes, a resounding thud as one hits the wall. You bite your tongue to stop the scolding words that want to leave you. 

Tomorrow, you reason. You can tell him not to do that tomorrow. For now, you resettle under Jason and pick your book back up. Finding your spot and returning to reading aloud despite Jason being asleep.

----------

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Masterlist

now barefoot, you soundlessly walked further into your place and grinned like a fucking dork to find your favorite person in the entire world in your kitchen. his back was turned towards you as he stirred something on the pan. his broad shoulders were a sight for more respectful eyes, personally you were gawking like a freak. he was wearing an oversized muted red sweatshirt, paired off with his godsent grey sweatpants. the domesticity of it made you weak in the knees.

you knew that he knew you were home and right behind him. you've never known someone more scarily aware of their surroundings. though jason had once told you that he cannot always tell who is behind him, he just gets a sense that there is company. like an alarm going off. that never happened with you. he said he had your tells memorized, so instead of his muscles tensing or seizing up, you saw the exact moment all the tension left his body. like he felt finally safe.

your hand snuck into your totebag and you shot a polaroid of him once the camera was out. he was just so perfect, oh gosh. you put the camera down on the kitchen counter and walked up right behind jason.

your arms snuck around his middle and you squeezed him close hard, burying your face into his back and breathing him in. you loved how he smelled when not surrounded by guns and violence. like books, and something earthy.

“there, i’m home now.” you said, smiling like a fool into his back.

jason huffed a laugh, turning the stove off and spinning around to face you. his hair was in its usual messy state, the white streak almost falling into his eyes, “welcome home,” he shook his head, smiling, and leaned down to kiss your cheek.

your jaw hung open in offense and he rolled his eyes, leaning down to leave kisses up your neck and jaw before he finally gave your lips a chaste kiss.

“better?” jason asked, his hands slipping down to hold your hips.

you nodded immediately, “heaven.” you gave him a thumbs up, and he lowered his head to bite on the pad of your thumb. you yelped, but before you knew it, he had your thumb past his lips, and soothed the bitten spot with swirling licks. his blue eyes were locked onto yours the whole time, maintaining eye contact. you laughed, slipping your thumb out of his mouth and resting your face into his shoulder, practically giggling.

“gah,” you joked, bursting into another fit of giggles, “now i’m always gonna wonder what it'd be like to have a cock and have it sucked by you.”

jason’s eyes widened, and he snorted, patting the top of your head in mock comfort, “couldn't do it better than how you blow me, doll.” he dryly drawled.

“that's because i’d probably have a bigger dick than yours,” you playfully stated, “you'd choke, like, a lot.”

“ah,” he smiled, amused, “so you wanna see me choke. we don't need your imaginary cock for that, pretty. y’know i love it when you suffocate me with your thighs.”

you blinked, dazed and dumbfounded against jason’s shoulder. and then the biggest fucking evil grin took over your face.

his eyes caught the camera on the kitchen counter and jason frowned to see the developing picture slowly process its way out, “why do you always take pictures of me?”

you frowned, confused, and pulled away from him to look at his face. still close enough that his hands stayed on your hips, one of his thumbs drawing slow circles. you answered honestly, “because you're beautiful, jason.” he went to open his mouth to protest, to disagree, but you interrupted him, “no, jaylove, you are. don't fucking argue with me, i’ll call the cops on your weapons celler if you do. you know, i will.”

“first she compliments me, then she threatens me,” he exhaled, meeting your gaze, “you're lucky i’ve a soft spot for you, sweetheart.”

“i know,” you beamed, as you finally left his personal space. you grabbed for your camera and the polaroid. you put your tote bag down on the counter and pulled the photo album out. admiring the polaroid for a moment, you slipped it into an empty space in the photo album. you made a mental note to buy another one soon, this one was near filled. you secured your belongings inside your totebag, minus jason, and then zipped it back up before turning to look at him again.

jason shuffled on his feet awkwardly, it was such an endearing picture really, given his giant built and abrasive beauty, he nodded his head towards the stove, where he seemed to have made spaghetti, “i made us some dinner.” he looked back at you, “roy’s girlfriend’s coming over tonight so he wanted me gone earlier than usual. i know i usually don't show up before-”

you shook your head, “thank you for cooking for me, jay.” you said, “you don't have to explain. we could've just ordered takeout like usual. i really, really appreciate you going out of your way to do this instead. this means the world to me.” you offered him a huge smile, sincere.

jason looked down, disarmed by your bluntness as usual, and then looked back at you, “want me to serve you a plate?”

you groaned, “i need a hot shower first. it's hair wash day!” you announced happily, going over to him, and standing on your tiptoes you kissed his cheek, “could you get my wine chilled, please.”

“of course,” he said, his hand briefly slipping into yours and squeezing three times.

“would you like to join me in the shower?” you inquired, wagging your eyebrows playfully.

“not when you're having a hot shower-” his nose scrunched up with horror-flashbacks of the last time.

you groaned irritably when your hair turned the back of your tee damp, too. it was an old, worn, pastel blue shirt from your university days. you grabbed the matching cotton underwear you'd picked for tonight and slipped it on. you had to cut your everything shower short as you didn't want jason sitting all by himself for almost an hour, so you forgo shaving and conditioned your hair only once.

outside your bedroom you found jason sprawled across your living room couch, reading on his phone. you immediately meandered over to him and leaned down to kiss his forehead upside down. jason made a soft, sweet, sound and reached over to grab your arm so that you wouldn't fall over on his face again.

“you smell fabulous,” jason murmured, breathing you in, eyes closed briefly, “wanna makeout with you.”

you grinned and pulled away standing to your full height again, your eyes got distracted by his phone screen, “jason peter todd,” you said, theatrically, hands on your hips, “is that ao3 i see?” you mock-gasped, as though scandalized, and squinted to see better, “what are you-”

he immediately closed his phone and put it on top of your coffee table, where your wine bottle rested beside a single glass, “that's between me and god.” he said, sitting up slightly, as he leaned his back against your couch handle.

“i thought i was your god,” you smartarsedly said, and your world tilted for a moment as jason’s large hands grabbed for your waist, he lifted you clean off the floor effortlessly and put you down onto his lap. you felt his bulge through his sweatpants against your bare thigh immediately. so, so breathless suddenly.

“the only one i worship, yes.” he whispered, holding eye contact with you, the blues of his eyes distorted with green, voice dropping, “now. i thought i said i wanna makeout with you, ma.”

your chest rose and fell, eyes suddenly glassy. why did he have to say something so devastating so sincerely. no wonder roy was confused.

your lifted a hand to trace down his lips, your favorite person's lips. your index finger catching against his bottom lip. your other hand rested on your thigh. there was barely any space left between the two of you, as your chest brushed his.

jason’s hands came up to capture your wrists and pin them behind your back, arching your spine straighter, as his mouth closed on yours, stealing your breath away entirely. your heart pounded against your ribcage, as you kissed him back. you ran your tongue over his lower lip, but then his tongue slipped out to meet yours and dizziness filled your head. you involuntarily tried to jerk your wrists out of his hold, but jason had to understand your need of grabbing his face into your hands, right? no, your infuriatingly wondersome friend only tightened his grip.

jason pulled away, his cheek brushing yours as his warm breath hit your ear, “be still, doll.” as he started leaving sloppy, open mouthed, kisses on your throat, making you tilt your head back. his luscious hair tickled your chin. your clit pulsed and you shifted to land your clothed cunt onto the tent of his sweatpants, “fuuuck-”

you tried to nod your head, not sure what for, all thoughts seemed to have left you. you ground your pussy down onto his bulge, and jason sucked in a breath, pulling away to stare at your flushed pretty face. he experimentally lifted his hips up and humped against you, earning a moan in return.

you weren't even looking at him. head still tilted back, facing the ceiling, as you continued on rocking your hips into his. it offended him greatly, jason retrieved one of his hands, securing your wrists into just the other hand. he dragged his now free hand roughly up your stomach over your thin shirt. he stopped briefly to skim his palm up and down your left breast, and a satisfied hum vibrated in his throat when he saw your mouth hang open in pleasure. he gave your breast a proper squeeze, rolling his thumb over your hardened nipple at the same time.

“oh, fuck, jay—fuck—fuuuck–oh–shit–” you were breathless, chasing your high with the rolls of your hips. holding your wrists was proving difficult by the second. they kept jerking against his hand, as the obstacle limited your movement. not to mention, he was trying his best not to flood his fucking pants with his load when you were so gone like this, “need to come—make me come–yeah? jay—m’so wet for y’please.”

jason’s hand dragged up your throat and gripped your cheeks, squishing them together, as he forcibly brought your mouth down to meet his once more. you tasted like orange, and he was addicted to you.

it was fucking obscene, both of yours saliva dribbled down your chins and gathered together lower.

jason finally released your wrists, and they immediately shot out to grip his shoulders. his thumb ran over your lips releasing the grip, as it rested gently against your left cheek now. he pecked your lips one last time before pulling back, eyes glinting as he looked you over. you looked a mess, cheeks botchy so easily, hair a mess, he could feel you trembling.

“please,” you whimpered, eyes wild, glazed over, “please, i'll be—good, i’ll be so good–please–i’ll–”your breath hitched, oh that wasn't a good sign, “i’ll do anything you–want–i just–need–” you tried to breathe, “i need–”

“hey,” jason urged, “i need you to breathe, sweetheart.” he softly spoke, his hand gently patted the top of your head, soothing you. “there, there, you're okay—got my baby all worked up, hm?” he wrapped both his big arms around you and enveloped you with the warmth of his body, your head tucked under his chin. you were squirming in his arms. jason kissed along the crown of your head, “talk to me, doll. what‘d you need?”

you sat up slightly, head lolling against his shoulder now. he looked down to meet your eyes, “will you make me come, please? need you, jay. so much. need you always. need you all the time.” jason’s face broke into the biggest fucking smile ever, “don't be a brat, jason,” you begrudgingly mumbled.

“so adorable” he kissed the tip of your nose, shifting you until you were straddling him properly again, “c’mere,” his teeth grazed your jaw, “you've been so needy, hm?”

you dazedly nodded your head, as though under a spell.

“my greedy girl,” he taunted with no bite, the hand that wasn't holding your face dipped down to cup your clothed cunt, and then the motherfucker actually bit your cheek, licking it better immediately.

“jay,” you whined, suddenly fixated on his sweatshirt, such offensive piece of clothing. your hands gripped the hem of it and you tugged once furiously, “want these off,” almost talking to yourself, as you humped his palm, “yeah, that's right, wanna see my pretty man.”

a lump formed in jason's throat, he'd never get used to your blunt sincerity and admiration. “yeah, baby?” he murmured, “i’m yours, huh?”

you nodded immediately, “you know you are. i–” you cut yourself off.

“nope, none of that.” jason scolded you, “wanna know all your thoughts. always. you can tell me anything, sweetheart.”

you shook your head, “it's toxic. it's actually fucked up.”

“good gracious, don't bamboozle me now, honey,” he whispered, withdrawing his hand from your heat, to take your face into his hands, “been dreaming about chaining me to your bed forever?”

“it's worse,” you gravely responded.

“to be honest the first option seems like a paradise to me so i’m not really worried.” jason said, cradling your face.

“sometimes i get this irrational urge, to like, hide you inside my ribcage.” you looked away, “i just wanna protect you from every violence ever. you're so precious and i–”

jason scoffed, letting out a relieved breath, he'd been so worried about you, “christ. i thought it was something serious.” he glanced at the unopened wine bottle for a moment, “you're not even drunk right now.” he said, quietly.

“no, i’m horny and you make me emotional.” you looked back at his face and seeing your eyes broke his heart, they were filing up with tears, “and it is serious. it's like, i’m obsessed with you or something. i wish i’d known you your entire life.”

“it sounds kind of nice, y’know.” jason said after a long silence, “i think i’d like that. yeah, i would.” he kissed both your eyelids one by one, wiping away the single tear drop carefully, “let me know when you figure out a way to put me inside your ribcage.”

“oh, gosh, “ you spiraled, “oh, no, i’m sad now.”

jason panicked, “okay, shit, you wanted me to strip, yeah? let's do that. will abs help?” his hands quickly went to the hem of his sweatshirt.

“allow me, please,” you rested your hands on top of his large ones, holding eye contact. jason gave you a short jerk of his head and your lips turned up. sucking and biting carelessly along his neck, you impatiently tugged the sweatshirt and the white tee underneath it off of his body at the same time, flinging it at a random as you heard some antique break in the background. jason’s eyes widened, but you grinned up at him, “i don't care, i get to have you, that's everything, jay.”

he headbutted you lightly, “you're everything.” jason briefly kissed you on the mouth, “i’m obsessed with you, too, ma. or something.”

you put the empty plates in the sink and the fresh flowers in the vase by the windows caught your eyes, “you got me flowers.” you said to jason, giddy with butterflies, “again.”

“it'd been a while since i got you any,” he shrugged, wiping the kitchen counter down with the rag in his hand one last time, “the roses were practically dead.”

both of you had changed your clothes. jason was wearing his red hood outfit minus all the outer gears and the helmet. his other clothes were in your laundry basket now, alongside your earlier tshirt and underwear. all ruined. he'd eaten you out vigorously on the couch, before taking you to your bedroom, thrown over his shoulder, and fucking you into oblivion. the mattress had an you-shaped indent now. you wore another one of your sleep shirts with a clean pair of underwear currently.

“you better not have thrown them out,” you said, hysterical.

“no, i replaced them into the vase you have in your library.” jason’s mouth quirked, “why do you insist on keeping the dead flowers anyway?”

“you're mad if you think i’d ever throw away anything given by you,” you rolled your eyes at him and smiled goofily, “i love the dried flowers. i put them between the pages of my favorite books.” you quickly washed your hands at the sink, and walked over to jason. rising on your tiptoes, with your wrists behind your back, you kissed his mouth, “thank you for the flowers. the hydrangeas are lovely.”

he kissed you back, lifting a hand to cradle your face carefully in his hold. you hand to put one of your hands on the kitchen counter to steady yourself and not fall over. but suddenly there was the sound of something shattering.

both you and jason pulled away to see your half empty wine glass broken on the floor, glass scattered everywhere, the liquid painting the ground burgundy.

“hey,” jason’s hand landed on your shoulder, to see your stunned state, “it's just a bottle of wine. everything's okay. i’ll clean this up, yeah?”

you absently nodded your head. being a grown up woman with her own space and still getting alarmed over breaking something felt fucking embarrassing and a little bit irredeemable.

“it was an accident, doll.” jason murmured against your hair, sweeping you clean off your feet, literally, with an arm around your waist, “don't want you catching glass shards to your feet,” his voice was muffled against your head, as he put you down on top of the kitchen counter. he stood between your legs, watching your face attentively.

“i’m okay,” you pulled away, looking at the mess you'd made, “you should clean that up now, before the floor gets sticky.”

he kissed your forehead, looking at you for a moment, “yeah,”

he withdrew from you, getting your cleaning supplies. he carefully separated the big glass pieces first, securing them with proper measures so that some stray animal wouldn't catch them later. he worked so precisely with turning the kitchen floor squeaky clean again, your brows furrowed.

jason immediately looked at you, alerted, “you okay?”

“is this how you clean up a murder scene?” you wondered out loud.

jason rose to his full height, hands on his hips, offended, “i’m no coward.”

you snorted.

“i just leave enough varieties of dna around to have the law enforcement get some assignment to do for once.” jason huffed, putting the cleaning supplies back in their cupboard, and going over to the sink to wash his hands, “you need to get someone killed?”

“you'd do that for me?” you gasped dramatically, knowing all too well he'd do anything for you. one of the many reasons you always tried to be so careful of what you asked of jason. you never wanted to accidentally take advantage of his devotion friendship, “what would batman say?”

“we've a deadbody here.” jason supplied, pretending to speak into a comm, as he walked up back between your open knees. his hand lifted to rest on your throat for a moment, before tilting your chin up, “permission to kiss?”

you rolled your eyes, smiling like a fucking fool, and nodded quickly, “granted, like, an entire century ago.”

and then to jason’s surprise, you were the one kissing him all over his scarred face. your lips moving aimlessly, but also with so much intention. a kiss over his ‘J’ scar. another one on his chin. then both of his cheeks. his eyelids. a loud, firm kiss to his forehead. and then you finally kissed his mouth, with the ulterior motive of never letting go.

Theres a easier way tho

I could take one for the team and get you pregnant

I'll be strong for you

It's hard rasing a kid on your own

To all of that, he'd simply replied, It's raising, then went right back to patrol like you hadn't just offered to impregnate him.

"Sweetheart, there's a send button," he replies with the patience of a saint. Gunshots erupt in the background and there's a curse thrown carelessly.

 You were attempting to send him the playlist you had made. It was a mix of songs perfectly curated to ones that reminded you of your best friend. There was a lot of dad music, a touch of heavy metal. You were tempted to throw in a love song, yet you thought better of it.

"Don't sweetheart me, the fucking thing isn't loading now," you groan, tapping aggressively.

"You know, that doesn't make it go faster, right?" He grunts. There's a loud boom from his side.

"Says the guy who broke my TV because he thought hitting it would bring it back to life," you retort, squinting at your phone screen. You go to turn the brightness down.

 "'M still better at technology than you," he says, then shouts, "Robin, I said on my left!" 

You hear Robin's voice, but you can't make out the words. Something insulting, probably. 

"Little shit can't even listen to basic instructions."

"Me or Damian?" you ask without missing a beat.

"Both."

Once the playlist loads, you tap the send button without much thought. "Kay, I did it, listen to it now," you demand, lying back down on your bed.

"Sure thing, doll. Lemme just stop the Joker from turning Gotham into his playground."

"Gotham's already his playground," you mumble. 

For a while, you're quiet, listening as Jason occasionally shouts orders through the comms. It should be unsettling. The gunfire, the crashes, the constant danger he's in. Instead, it lulls you to sleep. He's here, breathing, and on call with you like he didn't want to part either.

"You done yet?"

"I'm putting it on. Happy now?" His hoarse voice brings you out of your thoughts. It's deeper than it was before. Nicer, too. 

You grin, sitting up as your blanket pools around your hips. "Only if you come over too." 

"Demanding little thing," he scoffed. But you know he's already on his way. 

A few minutes pass. You can hear the distant hum of his motorcycle through the comms.

Then he clears his throat. "Baby making music?"

Horror crashes over you. You snatch your phone off the bed so fast it almost slips from your hands. "Shit,' you whisper, frantically searching for what you sent. 

And lo and behold, it's that playlist, not the one you'd carefully curated for Jason. "Jay, I can explain—

"Fucked my way up to the top reminds you of me?" There's laughter in his voice now.

"No!"

"Guilty as sin?" He snorts.

"Oh my god, Jason, stop." Your hands are covering your warm face, phone lying on your bed. You're never living this down. 

He pauses. "There's a lot of Lana Del Rey,"

You swallow, your fingers curl around your blanket. "Well," you start quietly. "Don't get it twisted, you're pretty Lana Del Rey, but your dad? He embodies a Lana Del Rey song—

"Stop talkin' about Bruce like that," he groans.

"Your dad's hot." 

"You're trying to change the subject, baby."

"Your older brother's also hot." You muster up the courage to add, "and don't call me that."

"Doll," His voice isn't teasing anymore. It's lower, like all the humor's been taken by that one comment.

"I've run out of age appropriate family members," you swallow. Except Jason. But you couldn't exactly say that. "Does Kate count? Bruce's exes? cause they're fine as hell too."

He grumbles under his breath. "Open the fucking window."

"You're here?" You freeze, voice coming out breathless.

The window snaps open with a sharp bang. The sound travels all the way to your room. You close your eyes. Why did it feel like you were in trouble?

The thump of boots echoes through the room. When it finally stops, you open your eyes to find Jason leaning against your doorframe, arms crossed in a way that makes his muscles more defined under the fabric. He’s taken off his helmet, his hair slightly damp, strands falling messily over his forehead.

And his eyes.

They’re on you, fierce and darker than what you're used to, like he’s a second away from hauling your ass straight to Arkham. It sends a pleasant feeling through you. 

You laugh nervously. "Heyyyy, you're not still mad about me finding your brother—what the fuck are you doing—

He stalks over to you until he’s standing right in front of you, close enough that you have to tilt your head back to keep eye contact.

"You're acting weird," you tell him, trying to keep yourself still.

"That playlist—

"Was a random one I accidentally sent!" 

He tilts his head. “So. You wanna play me the right one now?"

He shifts, sliding onto the bed beside you, his shoulder bumping yours as he settles in. You grimace. No way he’s had time to shower, but you don’t move away. Not when he’s this close.

You give him one of your wired earbuds.

Your head bumps his when he puts his on. You bite back a smile at sharing earbuds with him.

You hit play on your phone, sneaking a glance at him, trying to read his reaction.

He’s already looking at you. Then he rolls his eyes and looks away.

“Can’t believe I remind you of a Radiohead song.”

“Would you prefer Fucked My Way Up to the Top?”

masterlist

once again i’m not sure what i wrote

“Crosshair, have you got your medkit?” you asked more pointedly, an edge of exasperation that made the edges of his lips quirk up marginally.

“Yes, I have” he mumbled out, turning away from you and catching Hunter’s glare as he walked in his direction.

Crosshair had to fight the urge to roll his eyes again, he already knew what he was going to say.

“She’s only trying to help” Hunter scolded him, “if I hear that you've given her a hard time—”

“Alright, I get it” Crosshair snapped, his gaze as sharp as his tongue.

Hunter gave him an unimpressed look, eyebrows raised and a sigh escaping his lips, “alright, try not to take too long, report back as soon as you've got a visual”

Crosshair didn't try to suppress his eye roll this time, “this isn’t my first sky rodeo, Hunter”

“I know, but—”

“You ready, Cross?”

Crosshair's head twinged to the side slightly as his eyes fluttered closed, his jaw grinding and teeth clamped together at the nickname. He'd pretend it was because he hated it, as he always did.

He didn't reply, instead stalking away from the two of you and off in the direction of your mission objective. He could hear the way your feet scurried to catch up with his long strides and huffed, gripping his helmet tightly at his side. He felt your eyes on him, running them over his armour, and it took everything within him to keep from meeting your gaze.

“How did you sleep last night?” you asked, making his jaw tick noticeably.

He knew you had recognised his poor sleeping habits of late, but he wasn't really in the mood to speak about it, especially as it had something to do with the fact that you'd started sleeping in Hunter's bunk. He wasn't sure why, but that was somehow even more torturous than knowing.

“Fine” he replied coldly, keeping his eyes ahead as the two of you followed the trail that lead down into the valley below.

You sighed, “Cross…”

“Don't call me that” he grumbled, no real bite behind the demand, “and I said fine, so drop it”

He saw your shoulders slump out of the corner of his eye and shook his head, disappointed in himself once again.

Truth be told, Crosshair was painfully enamoured by you. Smitten was a more appropriate description really. He certainly felt as if he had been smited by some cruel deity who deemed that his life was worth being made difficult. He bore it like an open wound that he tried to ignore, a mess that wasn't given the proper amount of care and attention, and bled into the way he treated you.

You’d always been too kind to Crosshair, far kinder than he deserved. As much as it was your job as a medic, you always took care of him in the same way as the others, even though they always treated you with a level of respect that he didn't. He wished everyday that he could take it all back, go back to the beginning and start over, let you know how much he appreciated you and your efforts, how his feelings had grown for you to the point where his chest ached every time your smile was directed at someone who wasn't him.

It made little sense, he knew that. He acted as if he didn't care whether you lived or died, but it was the fact that you didn't seem to care that made him continue to act that way. So he couldn't take it back after all, and maybe he wouldn't want to anyway, because how else could he get close to you? He knew that made little sense too, but very few things were clear to him when it came to you.

In any case, he'd go on suffering in silence, a suffering of his own making that he cursed himself everyday for.

You did have a friendship, of sorts. He wouldn't call it that, and would certainly never admit it, but you were insistent in trying to get him talking. The way it would play out often went along the lines of him teasing you, making fun of you, to see how far he could push you as a juvenile way of coping with the magnitude of his affections. It was the closest thing to affection he would allow himself. You often rebutted his teasing remarks with ones of your own, and as much as he appreciated you matching his attitude, he mostly wished that you wouldn't allow him to get away with it, that you would give him a reason to show how he truly felt about you.

Safe to say the opportunity hadn't arisen, and he wasn't crossing his fingers either.

This mission's objective was simple; go and scout ahead, and comm the others when it was safe for them to move out. Since your joining the group eight months ago, Crosshair had often been lumbered with you in situations such as this. As the sniper, he wasn't made for nor enjoyed close combat fighting, and as the medic with little combat training, it suited you to hang back until you were needed.

Thankfully, the terrain that you were traversing this time was straightforward, a narrow valley that brought you right up to a ridge that overlooked a separatist outpost. Although the area was simple to cut across, it only made the silence that stretched between you even more tense, with no buffer to distract either of you.

You kicked up dust into the air with the way you were dragging your feet, and Crosshair was half of the mind to replace his backpack with you just so he wouldn't have to hear the grating noise. Holding a datapad in hand, you tapped the screen, tracking the direction that the two of you were heading in.

“Two more klicks” you mumbled, cutting through the tension with all the effectiveness of a butter knife.

Crosshair grunted in reply, casting his eyes across the top of the valley as the two of you descended to the very bottom. His hand shot out, slamming against your abdomen and stopping you in your place.

“What is it?” you asked, your voice low as you saw the way his gaze skimmed the top of the valley.

Crosshair slowly reached back and took his firepuncher from his backpack, “we're being watched”

The moment the first blaster bolt flew, Crosshair grabbed your waist and pushed you behind him, bringing his blaster into position and picking off the sniper droids he could see. Each bolt found its mark, piercing the droids between their eyes.

“Find us some cover” he ordered as he shoved his helmet over his head, looking for incoming droids. He turned back the way you had come, blaster raised as he walked backwards. It was silent for a moment, the only thing he could hear being the gentle padding of your feet against the ground behind him.

“Crosshair, in here” he heard you call from not far away, and he gave one last look around the edge of the valley before turning and making his way towards your voice.

There was a small cavern at the base of the cliff, a hideaway cut from the rock, and it looked to have been used for shelter before. A small pile of logs indicated a fire, with stones outlining a pit of ashes, only just visible with the way the afternoon light shone in through the opening of the cave.

Crosshair squared himself with the wall of the cave to look outside, his back pressed against it as he followed the line of the cliff through his scope. He felt your presence next to him, your chin knocking against his spaulder as you peered over his shoulder. Your breath wafted over the sliver of skin between the top of his blacks and his helmet, and his breath hitched as the heat of it made his skin prickle.

“Stay” he muttered, stepping forwards to put some distance between you, and to make sure that it was safe to move again. He stepped out into the valley once more, his rifle raised and ready should he meet more adversaries.

It was eerily quiet, the whistling of the wind the most audible sound, carrying no others on it. Crosshair stalked around the base of the valley, making sure that no other droids were in the vicinity, and called for you to join him when he was sure.

“One moment” you muttered, “I think there's a stone in my boot”

Crosshair rolled his eyes, lifting his weapon to look through the scope and make extra sure that it was safe. He wandered around as he waited, his own boots softly crumbling the dirt beneath them, then came to a stop next to you after a few moments, watching as you buckled up your boot again.

You looked up at him and a small smile crossed your lips, but almost instantly dropped, as if you'd done something wrong, “let's go”

Crosshair felt his heart fall from his chest at the subtle action. The fact that you wouldn't even allow yourself to smile at him left a gaping hole through the middle of him, and he felt completely and utterly ashamed. He knew it was his own fault, he'd blame himself even if it wasn't, but he wasn't prepared for how the simple motion would bring his mettle to its knees.

As he was caught up in staring at you with an inscrutible expression, one that didn't give away even one ounce of the anguish he felt, a blast flew straight past him, and narrowly missed your arm. He pushed you back inside the cave on instinct, and whipped around to deal with the incoming attack, but upon seeing the increased amount of firepower now gunning for the two of you, he quickly followed you inside, picking off the droids towards the front of the formation as he walked backwards.

As the droids continued firing down at you, a blast lodged itself in the ledge above the opening to the cave. When the rocks there crumbled away, they seemed to focus all their fire above you. Crosshair didn't think about the immediate implications of it, he just kept knocking down what droids he could, but when you called out his name and grabbed his arm to pull him backwards, he understood.

The rocks came down almost in slow motion, but quick enough that the pair of you couldn't have made it out in time. Crosshair fell backwards as you tugged on his arm, stumbling and trying to find his footing before he was taken to the ground. In the scramble to get away, a rock snagged his shoulder, just between his cuirass and spaulder, and he released a deep grunt as it brought him to his knees with the impact.

For a moment it was quiet again, only the heavy sound of breathing being heard in the darkness of the cave. Crosshair kept his head down, trying to keep his breath even and cut out the pain from his wound, though it was quickly becoming apparent to him that his shoulder was not in any sort of good condition. He could feel blood tricking down his side, soaking through his blacks, and he felt himself becoming feint, his mind fuzzy and unfocused.

A light flicked on, shining directly at him, and he groaned again, the hand of his uninjured arm lifting to cover his eyes.

“Crosshair” your voice was a hoarse whisper, as if it had got caught in your throat, and it wasn't hard to guess why.

He slumped forwards slightly, his back hunching as he dug his knees further into the ground to distract from the pain.

“I know” he said quietly, not even having looked at the damage yet. He was far too concentrated on trying to ignore it.

The light flicked off with the click of a button, and he heard you shuffling around, your knapsack hitting the ground with a thud that told him you were moving quickly, your actions rushed. Soon after, a warmer light started growing, and Crosshair realised you had taken out a lamp, and were now dragging it over to him with a medkit in hand.

He looked up, the softer light not invading his vision in such a piercing way, and he could now see the worry in your eyes. His gut twisted, the uncomfortable feeling of guilt spreading through his body and only making his wound ache more. You knelt in front of him, ripping off his helmet before your hand gripped his spaulder and pulled it aside to get a proper look at the injury. The both of you sucked a breath through your teeth, Crosshair in pain and you no doubt because of how bad the damage was.

You got to work quickly, silently, and unclipped the top half of his armour to get better access. Crosshair was glad that you weren't talking, he was already embarassed enough, feeling infantile, crumpled to his knees and completely weak in front of you. He was powerless to do anything else, his head pounding and vision hazy as blood gushed from his wound.

“Hold this here” you said firmly, pushing a cloth into the wound and bringing him back to the present harshly, another pained noise leaving him.

He followed your instruction without much thought, and when he took the fabric from you to hold in place, he felt the way your hand was shaking. His eyes snapped up to yours, and the distress he saw written into your expression was enough to shock him back into full consciousness.

Crosshair watched your movements carefully, his keen eyes noticing every twitch and shiver as you fumbled with the syringe. He wanted to comfort you in any way he could, but truthfully, he didn't know how. It wasn't something he'd ever sought to do, and now faced with the challenge, he didn't know what would be the right thing to say.

“It's just a scratch” he mumbled, a small chuckle passing his lips in an attempt to at least alleviate some of the tension.

“A scratch?” you huffed, your voice disbelieving as you shot him a unimpressed look, “this isn't funny, Crosshair”

“Hey—”

“If I hadn't pulled you away you'd still be there. You'd be de—”

Crosshair called your name sternly, and you stopped your fiddling with the syringe to look up at him, “it's going to be fine, do you hear me?”

His voice was grave, and while he knew it wasn't necessarily a comforting tone, it was the best thing he could muster up with the panic steadily growing within him. Your eyes flicked between his, your shoulders relaxing slightly after a few seconds.

“Okay” you breathed out deeply, pressing your hand over his to hold the cloth tighter to the wound, “look to your right”

Crosshair could feel his pulse throbbing all over his body, the blood rushing through him and towards his wound, towards the hand that covered his and brought about such a reaction. Your skin was warm through the fabric of his glove, and he'd been so distracted by the touch that he barely registered when you had administered the pain relief injection into his neck.

You took your hand from his as you placed down the syringe, and then found the hem of his blacks, your fingers skimming along the edge, “I need to take this off, is that okay?”

“It's fine” Crosshair replied, taking the cloth away from his wound to allow you to continue.

You nodded once, and ran your palms across the skin of his abdomen as you peeled the body glove from him. Crosshair couldn't help the way his body shivered, the way his jaw clenched at the feel of your hands on his skin. His eyes locked with yours as you pulled the top up, warm knuckles brushing over him, and he let out a shuddering breath, trying to relax his mind. He groaned in pain, eyes screwing shut when he lifted his arm to help you take the shirt from his injured shoulder.

“I know, I know” you spoke soothingly, your voice measured and calm as you discarded the shirt, “I’m sorry”

“Don’t apologise” Crosshair hissed out, the pressure to his wound returning as you grabbed his hand once more and brought the cloth to his shoulder.

“Alright, here's what's going to happen now” you started, your hand still covering his as you held his attention, “I'm going to take this away and clean the wound first. It's going to hurt a lot, but it'll be over before you know it. Then I'm going to need to stitch it up”

“It's that bad huh?” Crosshair huffed a laugh, still not keen to look down at the wound, but he heard how strained his voice sounded in saying it.

“It's going to be fine” you assured him, and your fingers closed around his, gripping his hand tightly, “it'll only take a few minutes, and then it's just a matter of putting a bacta patch over it”

He breathed out deeply, his skin alight where yours was touching it, trying to remain as calm as possible.

“Alright, do it” he spoke, forcing his eyes away.

You gave his hand one last squeeze as you brought it away, and despite how it made his heart flutter, it wasn't enough to fight the stinging pain of the antiseptic spray.

As you cleaned out the gash, wiping away drying blood and dirt, you responded to Crosshairs groans and whimpers of pain with comforting words, telling him that it was almost over, and as much as he appreciated it, he only felt more embarrassed. In the lull between cleaning and stitches, he tried to take steadying breaths, but the antiseptic was still stinging at the open wound.

“Are you ready?” you asked quietly, and his eyes found yours again at the softness of your voice.

You held the curved needle in your hand, ready for whenever he said the word, and between his deep breaths and pounding head, he couldn't help but just sit and admire you for a moment too long.

“Do you want something to hold on to?”

“What?” he frowned.

“To grip, for the pain? or… something to bite down on?” you suggested.

“No, no” he dismissed, shaking his head.

“Okay, I'm going to start now” you informed him, and he nodded quickly.

As soon as the needle pierced his skin, Crosshair's hands shot out and gripped the fabric of your shirt, bunching it at your waist with the way his fingers tightened, his bones almost creaking beneath the pressure.

“Fuck” he breathed out, trying hard to keep himself in check, to distract himself by focusing on the rhythm of your breath.

“I know” you said gently, “you're doing well, just a couple more”

His head fell forwards, resting his forehead against your temple as you worked, and he instead found that he was losing himself in your presence. He could feel your breath against his cheek, steady and warm, where his was harsh and shallow. You continued to send comforting words his way, your sharp actions a direct contrast to your tone and sentiments. He focused on the sound on your voice, the scent of your hair, the soft fabric of your tunic between his fingers, and soon they began to loosen.

“There, all done” you pulled away from him as you put down the needle and peeled off the back of a bacta patch, and Crosshair had to catch himself from falling forward.

You placed the patch over the affected area, lightly running your fingers over the edges to press it into his skin, and he immediately felt the solution beginning to cool the flaming agony that stemmed from the gash. A breath left him, and he sat back on his heels more as his head tipped back in relief.

“Better?” you asked.

“Better” he replied, then looked down at you to see your worried expression taken over by something more unreadable.

You chuckled slightly as you tidied up the medkit, “don't worry, I'm not expecting a th—”

“Thank you" he spoke before you could finish, voice firm enough that your eyes snapped back up to his.

You cocked your head a little as you looked over his features, “well… you're welcome then”

Placing the medkit back in your knapsack, you produced a dark piece of fabric, handing it over to him. He looked at the black material clasped in your hand and realised you were offering him your spare blacks.

“That wont fit me” he nodded his head to the item of clothing, an unimpressed furrow in his brow.

He watched on as you frowned in return, then trailed your eyes down his chest and abdomen, no doubt sizing him up.

“We look about the same size”

Crosshair scoffed, “are you calling me skinny?”

“Are you calling me skinny?” you replied amusedly, one of your eyebrows raising in tandem with your lips.

He rolled his eyes, “whatever, hand them over”

He held out his hand, looking away from your irritatingly enraptured gaze, and you dropped the top into his hand. He threaded his arms through the top and the sleeves, going to pull it over his head until his shoulder cried out in protest, and another pained grunt escaped him. He tried again, but was met by the same results.

“Here, let me help y—”

“Don't touch me” he replied on instinct, his tone venomous in a way that made his insides coil tightly together with guilt. He could see the hurt in your eyes, a flicker of sadness that only made that nasty feeling inside of him pull taut.

Truthfully, he couldn't stand to have you touch him. If he hadn't been so woozy previously, he may have shrugged off your help with his wound as he usually did, telling you he could sort it himself. Now that he was in his right mind, there was no way he would let you anywhere near him. He didn't trust himself around you. He didn't think he could have you touch him and not do everything in his power to keep it that way.

Though, observing the hurt in your eyes, in the slight downturn of your lips, he felt he couldn't deny you anything in that moment. After a long silence, he sighed. “I'm sorry”

Without so much as a single word, your hands found the fabric of the top, and you gently pulled it over his head. Crosshair knew he didn't have to say anything, because as much as he wished you didn't, you knew him well, and could read him far more than he was comfortable with.

He kept his eyes trained on yours. So much of your emotions were given away by your eyes, and he felt that you didn't try very hard to hide them, not like he did. He admired you for that. You were so openly giving and sought connection with everyone, even him. Your eyes caught his as you pulled the top down over his chest.

A small smirk wound it's way onto your face, “don't worry, I won't tell the others you needed help dressing like a little boy”

Crosshair huffed, trying to disguise what was really a laugh as an unimpressed scoff.

“I'm going to try and contact them” you muttered, moving away from him to pull out your comm. “Hunter? Are you there?” you were met by static, nothing coming through the line.

You tried again a few more times, calling for Hunter to reply, and every time you said his name it was like a punch to the gut. The last time was so desperate, so soft and bordering on loving that Crosshair almost clamped his hands over his ears. He couldn't stand it.

He didn't want to feel resentful towards Hunter, he only had himself to blame for leaving the space for something to blossom between the two of you, and it didn't surprise him in the least. You were both generous in a similar way, looking out for others before yourself, and it made sense that you had gravitated towards each other.

He tried to push it from his mind, vaguely aware that you were sending a recorded message about what had happened. He was more focused on the intense need he had to escape this situation. He couldn't be trapped in here with you, it would be the end of him, he was sure.

You began trying to shift some rocks from the base of the mound they had fallen into, but it only caused a slide from the ones on top of it. You yelped as you sprang back, and a thin crack appeared, running along the ceiling of the cave. Crosshair just huffed and pushed himself off of the ground, going to continue on in your stead.

“I'm not sure that's—”

The same thing happened, the crack deepening and small rocks falling from the ceiling. Crosshair paid it no mind, but you insisted that he stopped, pleading with him when it only got worse, more rocks shifting unsteadily and falling down around you. Really, it was hurting him a lot, his shoulder calling out for him to stop much like you, but the prospect of being stuck in here struck him as far more painful.

You had always given back what Crosshair gave out for the most part, but with the tone of your voice, he could tell your patience was wearing thin. You were quickly losing your sense of humour, and you finally snapped.

“You know what Crosshair, I'm kriffing sick of you! If you want to go and get yourself killed, be my guest, I won't stop you”

Crosshair stopped what he was doing, turning to face you, “you don't mean that”

His tone was partly joking, partly serious, as he didn't know which end of the scale you were on at that point.

“I mean every word” you spat at him, far more angry than you'd ever been, and you grabbed the lamp, dragging it behind you as you walked away.

He watched you slide down the far wall of the cave, your arms wrapping around your knees as you brought them into your chest in a huff. For a moment Crosshair didn't know what to do, but he figured he wasn't going anywhere if you weren't onside, so he trudged over you slowly, not approaching quickly for how he didn't know what kind of reaction to expect.

“Go away” you muttered, your eyes staring ahead of you, hardened with a resolve to not engage with him.

“No” he replied petulantly.

“I'm not dealing with your shitty attitude right now” you gritted through your teeth, still not looking at him.

It seemed that his mistreatment of you had finally caught up to him, and made you snap, and Crosshair was almost scared of the uncharted territory that you were now in.

“Just get up and help me shift these rocks” he knocked his foot on yours, urging you to abide, but you didn’t move.

You were silent, and realised then that it looked as if you were shaking subtly, but it was hard to tell in the low light. He was worried about you, but he knew there wasn't anything he could say or do that would help. He crouched next to you with a small sigh.

“What's the matter with you?”

“The matter? Crosshair we're stuck in here!” you finally looked up at him, a scrunch in your nose that he couldn't help but find adorable, and he found himself wishing you would have snapped at him before.

“What? Are you scared?” he asked, his usual teasing tone making an appearance.

“Yes! I'm scared, alright?” you hissed, and he could see a flicker of fear in your stormy eyes, “I don't know why you aren't”

“I don't get scared” he replied quickly, a knee-jerk response.

You laughed humourlessly, rolling your eyes, “right, of course. I should've thought of that”

Crosshair could see he wasn't getting anywhere, so he took a seat next to you, his back to the wall, one knee bent to rest his forearm on.

“I can't believe I'm going to die trapped in here with you” you grumbled out.

A pang of hurt cut deep in Crosshair's chest, but he forced a dry chuckle past his lips, an instinctual reaction to deflect the pain. You didn't seem so amused.

“Hey” he said softly, and you turned your head to look over to him, “we're not going to die”

His voice was as soothing as he'd allow himself, and he hoped that it could bring you even a little reassurance. You seemed almost taken aback, your mouth hanging open a little as your eyebrows raised. You blinked at him, and then settled back into a frown.

“I'm not stupid Cross, there's no way to know whether we're going to get out of this or not” you spoke softly.

The nickname made his chest seize up, but he sighed, leaning his head back against the wall of the cave, “you're right”

He wasn't going to lie to you, you didn't need that, and it wouldn't fix anything about the predicament you found yourselves in.

For a little while, you sat in silence, save for a steady drip of water on the opposite side of the cave that Crosshair had failed to notice previously. Now, it was all he could focus on. It was a particularly grating noise, something irritatingly steadfast and unyielding about it, just existing in the same space as you, but doing a much better job at consistency than him. It felt like it was taunting him, mocking him, calling him a coward. Maybe he was already going crazy, but either way, he felt compelled to speak up, if only to try and drown it out.

“I'm sorry” he said quietly, almost a whisper.

You sighed deeply, deflating, “it's not your fault”

Crosshair shook his head though you didn't see it, “I mean, that you're stuck here with me. I know that you'd prefer if it was Hunter instead”

You looked over at him with a curious expression, one that he only saw for a split second before he had to turn away. He couldn't bring himself to look at you for whatever you were about to say.

“That's not exactly true” you said in a measured tone.

His gazed snapped up to you, and you were giving him one of those looks where you were trying to figure him out. He hated when you did that, you were so good at it after all. He sometimes felt that you could see right through him and into his very soul, but he sincerely hoped that wasn't the case, he couldn't think of anything more horrifying.

“I didn't mean what I said before” you murmured, turning your body towards him with a small smile, “you're a great end of the universe buddy really”

Crosshair rolled his eyes, “so you don't actually want me to die?”

“Of course I don't” your face softened with your tone, and he couldn’t believe that such a tender look could be directed at him, he could only think that he didn’t deserve it, “you just drive me up the wall sometimes”

His lips quirked into a small smirk on instinct, and then it was your turn to roll your eyes.

“No one enjoys winding me up as much as you” you muttered, drawing your knees back to your chest as a shudder wracked your body.

Crosshair cast his eyes over you at the action, realising that your medics robes were not as warm as the blacks you had packed for situations exactly like this. He thought that maybe if he was a better man he'd give the top back to you. That's what Hunter would do. Instead, he looked across the cave, to where the previous dwellers had made a makeshift fire. There wasn't much wood, but it would be better than nothing.

“You have a lighter in there?” he asked, motioning his hand towards your knapsack.

“Uh… yeah” you replied.

Crosshair pushed himself from the ground, only a small grunt leaving his lips as the bacta had already began healing his wound. He grabbed the bag and crouched down by the pile of wood, rifling through it to find the lighter which was rattling around at the bottom.

As he arranged the remaining pieces of wood into his preferred shape, you stood and walked over to retake your seat in front of the soon-to-be fire. He got it going quickly enough, lighting one of the smaller pieces and placing it into the structure he had built, but it was weak at best. It wasn't going to keep for more than a few hours with the resources available, and Crosshair was already worrying about what would happen then.

He looked over to where the opening of the cave had been. In the dim light he could see the crack that had appeared in the ceiling, and he felt his stomach twist into a tight knot upon observing how much worse it was already. He blew a long breath out, making the fire ahead of him flicker slightly more, before it settled into its previous dance. Crosshair couldn't hear the dripping anymore, not above the crackle of the fire, and it was a strange relief. Thank the maker for small mercies, he thought, inwardly scoffing at the sarcastic thought.

“Why haven't you been sleeping?”

The question caught him off guard, so buried deep in his own thoughts that he had almost jumped when you spoke up.

“I don't want to talk about it” he mumbled in reply.

You nodded, seemingly satisfied with the assertion, but he could tell something lingered in your mind at the way you watched the flames before you both.

“You've been in my dreams the past few nights” you said absentmindedly, eyes almost glazed over as you stared into the fire, little regard for how it made Crosshair’s heart skip several beats. Your eyes flicked up and met his, and he lifted an eyebrow, not sure how else to react. You chuckled slightly before you continued, “they weren't great dreams, really. Nightmares, maybe”

Crosshair could feel his insides constrict at the idea of him featuring in your nightmares, his heart beating faster as he willed himself not to react in any way.

“Go on”

He watched your throat bob as you swallowed, “well, it always starts with me being chased by a fire-breathing lizard… creature”

Crosshair couldn’t help the way the edges of his lips lifted a little, and he brought his hand up to scratch at his stubble to try and hide it.

“I can see you laughing at me” you scoffed, “it was scary at the time”

“I'm sure” Crosshair replied, still fighting a smirk.

“Whatever” you rolled your eyes, uncrossing you legs to stretch them out ahead of you so you faced the far wall of the cave.

Crosshair’s curiosity quickly got the better of him, “what was I doing there?”

You looked back over to him before turning your face back down to your feet where you gently kicked your heel into the ground, “it's… silly, really. Far fetched”

He frowned, “I'm listening”

You huffed, and he could see your cheeks darken as you deliberated over your next words, “you were protecting me. You had a durasteel sword and you were trying to slay the creature”

Crosshair’s eyebrows raised, but quickly shot back down at your earlier insinuation, “why's that so far fetched?”

You tilted your head to look at him, your own frown creasing your brow, “I don't know, it's not something you'd do in real life”

A pang of hurt sent a sharp pain through his chest. He could feel it, like a real, physical thing, a knife piercing through his heart. You truly believed that he didn't care for you in any way shape or form, and as much as he knew he had no right to feel slighted by it, it cut deep within him.

“Nice to know you think so little of me” he grumbled, pulling his knees up to his chest and tucking his chin behind them as he stared into the fire.

He could see your eyes go wide even as he refused to look at you, “I don't think little of you! I— I think you're… great, just—”

“Just what?” he snapped, eyes darting back up to yours.

“I don't know, I don't see you doing that for me”

Crosshair's frown only got deeper, and he forced himself to look away and into the fire again. All of the hurt and jealousy within him, every negative emotion he had brought upon himself by not being honest with you bubbled up to the surface, and he failed to keep it to himself.

“I feel like I've upset you” you said softly, but he just grunted in reply, “what is it?”

“You really think I wouldn't protect you?”

He knew that this was a path he didn't want to go down, one he wouldn't dare tread if both your lives didn't hang in the balance, but they did. He felt vulnerable, more vulnerable than he ever had or wanted to, and severely misjudged. Something about it made indignance rise up his throat and mingle with his words.

You paused, but spoke you mind after a moment, “not at the expense of yourself, no”

He grunted again, “well you're wrong”

“Why?”

“why?” he scoffed, shuffling his feet ucomfortably, “I'm not heartless, you know”

“I didn't say you were” you rebutted, and he finally looked up at you when you paused. You watched him carefully, “you would… put yourself in harm's way, for me?”

“Of course”

The shock was evident on your face, your mouth hanging open a little as you stared back at him, eyes wide and unblinking, and he knew instantly that he'd said too much, and that you didn't feel the same way for him. The worst part was, he understood. He knew that he'd given no reason for you to care for him in any real way past doing your duties as a medic, and any kindness you had offered him had been purely from the goodness of your heart, with no ulterior motives in consideration. All the same, it was frustrating. He was frustrated at himself.

His gaze dropped to the fire once more, and it felt as if it were stinging his eyes, but he soon realised that the sensation was actually brought forth by the tears that had collected in his waterline. He blinked them away, knowing that he couldn't, shouldn't cry, even if he had just come to the realisation that you would never see him the way he saw you, never admire him like that, never adore him like he wanted you to. It made him feel like a cadet again, surrounded by people who were supposed to be his brothers, but only feeling like something was wrong with him, that he was unwanted and unlovable for a reason that would forever elude him.

It was his fault. All his fault. He knew it, he’d always known it, and he'd have to live with it for as long as he knew you. It didn't make it any better to know it, it only made it worse. He wished he could blame it on you, make it easier for himself, displace all the blame and take this crushing weight from his shoulders, but he wouldn't wish this weight upon anyone else, much less you.

He didnt dare look up at you again, especially as you hadn't said anything. If the ground opened up and swallowed him whole in that moment he wouldn't have cared, or probably noticed.

“Do you think the others will be looking for us by now?” you asked softly after a little while.

“Doesn't matter, they won't find us” he grumbled back.

You huffed, “that's not very reassuring”

“Reassurance does nothing”

“Maybe not to you”

“No, not to me”

“Right” he could tell you had rolled your eyes, “you don't get scared, how could I forget”

“I am scared, just not for myself” He snapped, his tone sharp as he glared at you. He was feeling annoyed now, and not in the mood for joking in the slightest.

“What do you mean?”

He scoffed, his tone not matching his sentiment, “I'm scared for you. I don't want anything to happen to you”

You watched him from across the fire, tilting your head, and he had to look away.

“Why aren't you scared for yourself?” you asked.

Crosshair was reluctant to say, but you had no teasing in your tone, and admitting to the truth felt easier knowing that he might not make it out of this cave. He decided that he'd find a way to say what he wanted in as few words as possible.

“Because… if I die, I don't have to live without you”

Your eyes widened slowly, and he watched your mind work around the meaning of the words, the gears turning behind your eyes. He could feel the embarrassment clawing at his throat, begging him to stop speaking forever more. He didn't know why he would have said that, beyond it being true. You didn't need to know, it wouldn't help you, and it certainly didn't help him.

Then, you did something that he didn't expect at all. You rose from your place on the opposite side of the fire slowly, as if not to scare him, not that it worked. His eyes followed you as you made your way around, and retook your seat in the spot right next to him, so close that if he shifted his arm he’d be touching you. Then you put your head on his shoulder, looking into the fire.

“I'm scared for you too” You said quietly.

Crosshair didn’t know what was going on. His heart was beating out of his chest, only just managing to keep a hold of the rhythm of his breath as he watched you from so close. You had never been affectionate with him like this, and he was too plagued by confused thoughts spilling into his brain that he couldn’t fully enjoy it — enjoy the fact that you were in this proximity to him willingly.

“You're too careless with your life, you treat it like it doesn't matter. I don't like it” you spoke up again.

He didn’t know what to say.

“How should I treat it?” he asked quietly, his voice low.

“Like it's precious”

Crosshair took soft breath in automatically, taken aback by the simple admission, by how easily you had said it. He could only find it within himself to deflect the comment,

“It isn't precious, clones are expendable”

You raised your head from his shoulder to give him a stern look, “I know you don't believe that”

He shrugged. He could feel his cheeks scorching and he hated it more than anything. He hoped that the low light would save him from you noticing how your touch made him act. Peering into your eyes as you did to him, searching, your frown softened.

“Your life means a lot to me" you confessed in a whisper. Crosshair’s heart was trying to escape him now, and even more so when your face returned to being serious, “and I wouldn’t want you to risk it for me”

Crosshair matched your frown, drawing his brows together as the dots, the pieces of what you’d said, starting connecting.

“Do you think that's why I would protect you? Because I don't value my own life?” he asked, an irritate edge that made you draw back from him marginally.

“Yeah? I mean, why else…?”

He could have laughed, but instead he shook his head, “that’s not it”

He knew what he wanted to say really, but his mind fought to come up with something else, struggling to find the words to express every unsaid thing in a way that didn’t make him want to curl up in a ball and never speak again.

“It’s— I…” he trailed off, uncertain, “I value your life… more than anyone else’s”

Your eyes widened, and if he wasn’t mistaken, the corners of your lips lifted almost imperceptibly, “what do you mean?”

He rolled his eyes and looked away, “must I explain?”

“I'd like you to” you sounded small, and he looked back over to see that your eyes were wide, shining with hope. It filled him with such an uncommonly warm feeling that he couldn't possibly deny you an answer now.

“I…” he's flicked his eyes across your features, landing on your lips before finding your eyes again and sending you a somewhat pained look, “I can't— I don't know how to—”

You took his hand, rubbing your thumb across his knuckles and leaving goosebumps in your wake, “take your time”

Crosshair sighed, suddenly struck by how poor of an idea this was. He couldn’t help but dwell on the simple fact that you were far too good for him. He didn’t deserve someone like you, and he knew it. You were took kind, too patient, too far superior in emotional maturity and every other thing besides shooting a blaster for that matter. He didn’t believe that perfect people existed, but if there was anyone who reached the closest to those heights, it would be you.

“I… the way I treat you, it's not… right. and it's not a reflection of how I truly feel” he admitted.

You hummed, nodding as you focused your gaze on his palm, drawing shapes with your first finger, “and how do you feel?”

Crosshair was thankful that you weren’t looking at him, and knowing you, it was probably intentional. You knew what he was like, who he really was, and it was as startling as it was comforting. “I feel… a lot. You make me feel a lot”

You smiled, your thumbs tracing over his, “a lot of what?”

An exasperation began creeping on his mind. He knew you understood, you were smart, but you just wanted him to be the one to admit it. He could respect that, however hard he was finding it; you were finally not accepting his half-arsed attempt at affection.

“Happiness” he said finally, “you make me… happy”

Your eyes finally raised to his, giving him a curious look, he felt the need to continue.

“I know that I don't act like it, and I know that I certainly don't make you feel that way, and that you're interested in Hunter, so I'm under no impression that—”

“What?” your head tilted to the side, your expression portraying all of your confusion, “I'm not interested in Hunter”

“Oh” Crosshair sat completely still, just staring at you. He was sure he looked as confused as you did in that moment, but his heart still leapt in his chest all the same, “but… you were sleeping with him…?”

“He was just… I don't know” you sighed, wrapping his hand with yours, “when I had nightmares as a kid it used to help if I slept beside someone else. He noticed I wasn't sleeping well and offered some… comfort, I suppose”

Crosshair nodded, looking away and into the fire anyway, because he knew that Hunter would always be your first choice, and not him, even if it wasn’t in the way he had originally thought.

“But it didn't really help anyway” you said, “I suppose maybe I was sleeping next to the… wrong person?”

When he glanced back to you, there was something more reserved about your demeanour. You were never usually shy, sometimes quiet, but this was something that he hadn’t seen from you before.

“You're right, by the way” you noted, and he raised an eyebrow, “you haven't always made me feel very happy”

He offered a pitiful look, “I'm sorry”

“I know you are, and I don't forgive you for all of it, but I know you, and I know that you don't really mean it. And— well, the reality is…” you rambled out, finally pausing for a breath, or to muster your courage, “you also make me feel alive”

Crosshair’s brows shot up.

The entire atmosphere around the two of you changed, the air between you charged with unspoken words, energy waiting, begging to dissipate. Your free hand reached for his face, and you ran your thumb along the lines of his tattoo that followed his cheekbone. His eyes closed momentarily, a shaky breath leaving his slightly parted lips, and he gave into the moment, focusing on the feel of your fingers caressing his face.

Allowing himself to revel in your touch, appreciate it rather than trying to avoid it, he was ready to crumble into nothing. He could have, and he would have died a happy man, his last moment being in the embrace of your calming presence. Your hand found its place on his jaw, and he opened his eyes once more. He copied you, his hand reaching for your face and taking it tentatively within his grasp. Your skin was soft, ever so soft, and his thumb slid across your cheek with ease.

He felt so vulnerable in that moment, but he just didn’t care anymore. He felt safe with you, and for once he didn’t want to act like a wounded child about his feelings for you. He wanted to show you how strongly he truly felt, the beginnings of making up for the way he had treated you in the past.

Without another second to spare, he tugged on the hand that still clutched his, pulling you towards him, and his lips met yours with an ardency that surprised even him. His arms wrapped around you as he kissed you deeply, holding your body tightly to his, unwilling to let you slip away from him. He was stealing the very air from your lungs, giving you everything he had to offer, and you were taking everything in kind. You were trying your best to keep up, mostly succeeding, but eventually you had to break the kiss, almost gasping for air.

Your breath was heavy against his lips as he kept you in close proximity, and when your eyes met his, a small chuckle left you, bordering on a giggle. He pulled you flush against him, so you rested in his lap, and your face lit up even more. Crosshair felt like he was walking on air, and when you kissed him again, leaning all of your weight into it, he couldn’t help but smile against your lips. The kiss grew more heated gradually, and before he knew it, you were tugging at the blacks you had given him.

He shook his head, pulling away before you could get the wrong impression, “not here”

“Why not?” you frowned playfully, your hands slipping beneath the top and brushing against his skin.

Crosshair growled quietly as you attached your lips to his neck, making his next sentence hard to get out, “because I have more respect for you than to take you on the dirty floor of a cave”

You chuckled against his skin, pulling back to give him a genuine smile, but then it faltered, and he watched a thousand emotions flick across your face in the space of a second. He gripped you tighter, about to ask what was wrong, but you beat him to it with your answer.

“What if this is the only time we have?”

Crosshair knew you meant more than something as fleeting as a shared intimacy, and with the look on your face, he immediacy began to understand why people lied to others in the name of sparing their feelings.

He pushed his forehead into yours gently, “the others will find us”

Your lips turned down in a dubious expression, “but how are they going to get us out?”

For that, he didn’t have an answer. He brought a hand to your face, taking your jaw and hoping his actions brought some comfort, “I don’t know, but I’m not letting you die in here”

“Even you don’t have that power” you huffed.

Even you. The words hung in Crosshair’s mind, front and centre, meaning a lot more to him than you probably realised. It seemed that you were saying, even him, someone who could do almost anything, couldn’t do this. He realised then that you must think a lot more of him than he ever knew, and his heart almost seized up in his chest.

He let a small grin wind it’s way onto his face, “sure I do”

You gave him a lopsided grin, rolling your eyes as you buried your face in his neck, “yeah, yeah. Whatever you say”

As it promised to be, getting out was difficult. The others eventually came for you and Crosshair, by which point he had almost accepted that this was it, that he’d shared his final moments with you. That wasn’t enough anymore, it wasn’t a sufficient amount of time spent with you, and when he heard Hunter call for him, his need to get out was stoked. Tech had found that the rock on the other side of the cavern held a cave system, Wrecker had set a number of charges with a limited blast radius, and they pulled the two of you out from the other side.

But all of it was inconsequential, unimportant in the face of what had happened while you were still trapped. Even more so now that Crosshair held your body tightly to his, his arm wrapped around your waist as the fresh scent of your soap invaded his senses and no doubt began clinging to his bedsheets. He hadn’t let the others ask why he was suddenly being so clingy to you, but something about their smirks and knowing looks told him that he had only been fooling himself in not telling you how he felt.

You laid on his chest, careful not to rest against his wound, which you had treated properly upon returning to the ship. You had insisted it was the first thing you did, before anything else, and he wasn’t going to argue with you then, not when you frowned at him in a way that made his chest tighten. The trade off was that he got to join you in the shower afterwards. It hadn’t taken too much convincing.

Now with you in his arms, your light breath fanning his bare chest, he knew he wasn’t ever going to let you go. He’d spent too long trying to push you away, but now that he had you, you weren’t going anywhere, he’d make sure of it.

“hm!?” you jolted at the touch, glancing back, and relaxed immediately to see that it was just your jason, “oh, you! you startled me.” you shook your head, seeing the amused smile quirk up on his face at your distress, “i can't find the orange gums that i like. were you saying something?”

“i said it's fucking unbelievable.” he said bitterly, when you turned around fully and leaned against the shelf behind you. he moved closer to trap you between his arms, “my card declined. was getting a pack of cigarettes and apparently the policy here is i gotta pay first. this guy doesn't accept crumbled bills. and my card fucking declined.”

your hands snaked up to rest against his chest, or rather the leather of his jacket, “you and bruce having a row again?” not that it'd matter. jason didn't even use the trustfund set up by bruce for himself. if anything, he only ever utilized that money to help out casualties. usually children caught in the crossfire of crime .

“that's what i thought. his communication skills are otherworldly afterall. but no,” jason sighed, “i texted dick, turns out he had tim doing this april fools prank. not funny.”

you frowned, agreeing with him obviously, as you nodded your head. you, too, would crashout and get really angry if someone thought it was okay to fuck with your personal stuff, “he's knocking it off though, right?”

“not before 12 o’clock.” he answered, “tim set a timer or whatever. i don't care. i wouldn't care if it was you who did it. “ he added, “i just don't like that-” he trailed off, dropping his forehead against your shoulder.

your hands immediately found home in his hair, soothingly running through the curls at the back of his head. “i know. i understand. you don't–” you murmured, "they're so childish when it comes to boundaries sometimes.”

he tilted his head and pressed his lips to the side of your neck before pulling away and standing to his full height again, towering over you by a couple inches.

your eyes widened as you looked past jason, checking for the third of the trio. roy harper. this friends with benefits thing was not a secret, you just didn't like the smug look roy got on his face whenever seeing you two get all sweet with physicality.

you liked kissing jason casually, just because. and he often did the same with you. you'd be deep in a gory tv show, wrapped up in your fluffiest self-crocheted blanket on the couch, and he'd walk by you, leaving a kiss on the top of your head. jason would get to your kitchen and heat himself up something to eat. he'd return to the living room, dropping beside you on the couch, watching you watch tv. and you'd open your mouth occasionally so that he could share his food with you. you had a habit of playfully biting on his fingers. he was very bite-able.

most days, you went out for runs right before dawn. you liked the cinematicness of it. how you could pretend to run from the cops or villains alike, even though there was no one outside. mostly it helped you regulate your anxiety. the adrenaline was addictive. and those runs always ended with you knocking on jason's apartment door. the door would open almost immediately. like he knew you were on your way.

him only in his boxers. taking you into his arms and into his bed. your legs wrapping around his hips, as he'd hastily close the door behind you. making sure it's locked safely. before taking you both into his bedroom.

most of these encounters ended with grinds of his hips into yours, dragging out sounds of excruciating pleasure from the both of you. sometimes with you on your back, as he'd stare down at your face with feverish want. you'd take his jaw into your hands and kiss him senseless. his cock greedily buried in your cunt, desperate to please you.

sometimes it was you on top of him, slow grinds of your hips down onto his cock eventually turning into the most erratic thing ever. jason always looked a little too wrecked then, he was pretty sure god was a woman and that woman was you. he'd take mouthfuls of your breasts, gasping at the flutter of your inner walls around his cock, and completely fucking gone for the moans and praises that left your mouth. he saw fucking stars whenever you grasped his throat.

sometimes, he'd pound into you relentlessly with your face smushed into the mattress, ass up, hands scrambling to hold for something, anything, as every thrust made your spine arch.

and then there was jason’s favorite. making out with your pussy. he'd drag orgasms after orgasms out of you until you were overstimulated and practically incoherent with your face buried in his pillow, telling him you can't again, and he'd tease you sweetly and dedicate his all into making you come again. he knew you loved it whenever he spat on you or spanked your cunt, so the smug bastard always withheld them til the end.

the days your brain was far too awake regardless of too little sleep, you loved having jason's cock in your mouth. sucking him off and letting him take control until you were all dumb and sleepy. the tip of his cock brushing your lips before he'd slip in, your pussy throbbing against the vibrator you'd be sitting on. your chin and chest coated with drool and precum, as jason would thrust into you lazily.

and then sometimes, jason would bring you to his bed, and you'd murmur in his ear that you didn't want sex this time. you just missed him, so you came here. he'd kiss your forehead and set you down against the pillows. he'd help you out of your running clothes down to your underwear, and let one of his shirts swallow you instead. settling in the bed with you, he'd hold you in his arms, into the clingiest of hugs ever. he'd once playfully said his friendship came with the benefits of spooning.

so, yes, roy harper knew about the situation. of course he did. he was jason’s roommate. he had to hear you practically every early morning for hours. well, more jason than you actually. but roy was convinced you two were oblivious idiots in love, reducing your world-class romance into just sex.

because roy saw you arrive at a group hang out once in jason's wonder woman tshirt. he'd seen how giddy jason had appeared over it. his hand immediately slipping into the back pocket of your jeans. he'd leaned down and murmured something in your ear. you'd rolled your eyes, one of the most formidable women suddenly so shy, as you'd buried your face against his arm. you were both smiling like hah! people in love!!

jason always held your hand whenever you guys were out together. no matter where. specially in crowds. whenever you or jason would catch roy's side eye, ya'll would defend the behavior saying holding hands couldn't be more intimate than sex, so it wasn't a big deal. if one would ask for roy harper's opinion on that, roy had only one thing to say : lies, nasty nasty lies!

jason had your coffee order memorized. he brought you flowers occasionally because it was disrespectful to not bring the woman he was with flowers; you deserved to feel appreciated and cherished. most nights he had dinner at your place before patrol because he liked your company.

he shared almost everything about himself with you because not being transparent with you about a mission once had made him sick to his stomach, he'd begged roy to shoot his guts out. roy had simply called you over. the moment you guys were together, jason started rambling and having a panic attack, and you cradled his head against your neck, shushing him and reassuring him with such gentleness that roy again knew, ha! these morons were in love!!

every time jason was forced to attend a wayne gala, you attended them with him as his date. you had a photo album in your totebag, filled with polaroids of jason. roy had asked about it once, you'd shrugged and said jason was your favorite person in the world and you liked capturing him. whenever jason read a book on his living room couch, you'd end up half on top of him. your arm across his stomach and head on his chest. jason never got annoyed by it, he seemed to crave it actually. you were his emotional support pillow practically, given the catastrophic topics he liked reading about. he'd hold the book with one hand, and hold you carefully with his other arm. you always looked really content just being in his arms. roy was genuinely sick of all these fuckery getting called 'just friends', because respectfully where was his hugs, and cuddles and wonder woman tshirt and flowers and gossip and polaroids. christ! you'd even crocheted a hello kitty stuffed toy that resembled red hood!!

roy had even once walked in on you telling jason about your insecurities, and him so so gently lifting you onto his lap. he spoke so softly, so lovingly, his eyes filled with so much empathy for you, as though you feeling down hurt him physically, it was fucking diabolical.

“where'd roy go?” you asked, eyes meeting jason’s.

“uh, yeah,” he scratched the back of his neck, “the girl he's been seeing? she called. her ex boyfriend broke into her apartment---fucking prick, i know---and she beat him up with her hockey stick-”

“hot.” you perked up and jason leaned down to brush his mouth against yours for a moment.

“yeah, so, she's pretty freaked out now cuz the creep passed out and isn't moving. roy’s gone to make sure he isn't dead, or if he is-” jason ominously shrugged, and you laughed, wrapping your arms around his middle and tipping your head back to look at his infuriatingly attractive face. you knew roy would make the body disappear if the man was dead. he was rather down bad for this woman. she seemed to know how to make a man walk like a dog, you loved that for the both of them, “they make an interesting pair, don't they?” jason shook his head, baffled.

you poked your tongue out goofily, nodding your head, and then leaned up to steal a quick kiss, “tell you what, find me my gums and i’ll get your cigarettes. nothing quite romantic like rotting teeth and fucked up lungs. we make an even more interesting pair, yes, we do-”

you were cut off when jason’s mouth met yours messily. you had to grip the back of his jacket, because gravity stopped entirely and your knees buckled. kissing jason todd was your favorite thing ever, as you met him with equal fervor. his thigh slid between your legs and you made a soft sound of approval. he pulled away, and took a quick look at your flushed face, committing it to memory. his cheeks were flushed too and he was grinning.

you rolled your eyes and dragged his face back to yours with the back of his head as you practically devoured him. you two could be obscene. it seemed less like just kissing and more like him trying to fuck your mouth with his.

eventually you two had to pull away, gasping for breath. and yet, not kissing him felt more claustrophobic than anything, “what—was—that—for?” you said between breaths.

jason shrugged, stepping back as you steadied on your feet, “just wanted to kiss my girl.”

you beamed up pathetically at him, butterflies doing cartwheels in your stomach, “oh, i’m your girl now, am i?” you playfully asked.

“yes, ma’am, you are.” he said, with theatrical seriousness.

you reached up a hand to mess up his ruined hair even more. “hm,” you paused for the dramatics sake, "then you must build a shrine for me." you bossily declared.

"do i get to fuck you in front of it?" he asked, eyes sparkling with mischief.

"if you're good." you eyed him, "yes."

he nodded immediately, "oh, doll, i'll be so good."

NEXT/SEQUEL

it's so badly written. that's cuz i just rawdogged this under 3 hours?!? 4 at best?!? and it's 8 in the morning rn. my head hurts and im pretty sure i'm starting a fever. lmao. have fun. i hope it wasn't too ooc and repetitive. i tried proofreading twice but ive memory problems because of health issues, so :) and and forgive my attempt at smut, i'm an inexperienced fuck who's never written it before.

“Yes, sir,” you give a mock salute to Alfred as he shakes his head, moving to the elevator.

The noises of the cave follows after, and you resettle in the chair, hands on your belly as you stare at the screen, a map of Gotham with different colored dots moving across it. You tap on the coms, and quiet conversations filter through the system. It must be a quiet night. You find Jason’s line clicking into it.

“Hello?” his voice comes across thick with confusion. It makes you smile.

“Hi, handsome,” you coo, exhaustion slipping into your voice even as you try to hide it.

“Hi, sweetheart,” his voice softens right up, and you want to melt. Baby shifts in your belly, and you have to adjust to the new pressure. Jason keeps talking, “You should be in bed.”

“I couldn’t sleep, you know that.” You remind him. You had barely slept a wink the past week, even with Jason by your side. Baby wouldn’t stop moving, seemingly out of spite. It was uncomfortable and miserable, and you had to pee all the time. 

“I know,” he murmurs. You listen as he shifts a quiet grunt that sounds like he’s jumping roofs, then you hear him settle back down, “she’s too excited to get here.”

“She is too excited to- oh,” you wince, shifting in your seat with a deep breath.

Jason makes a noise, “Oh, what? Are you okay?”

You stand from the chair as your low belly cramps. You lean over slightly, the only position that seemed to help with the Braxton Hicks contractions. You practice the breathing methods that you and Jason had learned in one of the birthing classes.

“Sweetheart? Baby, talk to me.” Jason's voice becomes a tad more urgent when you don’t answer.

“It’s- ‘m fine, Jay,” you whimper softly as the feeling intensifies worse than you’d felt before. You count to yourself, breathing. Soon, the pain eases.

You let out a sigh of relief as it lessens, your back aching more than it had before. You shake it off, gently sliding back into the chair.

Jason’s voice comes back through the comms, so thick with worry you can practically see the pinch of his brow, “Honey?”

“Everything's okay, just a Braxton Hicks.” You keep your breathing steady as you rub your hand across your belly.

“Yeah? Are you sure?”

You laugh softly, “I think so. I promise I’m fine.”

“The doctor said that because of your episode, you could go into labour before the-” an explosion echoes through the comms, “shit! You promise you're okay?”

“I’m fine. Go.” You end the connection with him for him and follow him as his dot moves across Gotham. The family's voices chime through the computer, whose going where, what it could’ve been. 

Twelve minutes later, the pain returns. You don't even stand this time, hands gripping the armrests as the pain spreads to your thighs, a strange sensation that you’d only felt with your near-too-early birth. You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to breathe through the pain. Once it eases, your mind ignores the chaos on the coms to stare at the clock. Ten minutes later, the pain returns.

“Oh fucking dammit,” you curse and glare down at your belly as the contraction eases, “now is not the time. Dad's saving lives, and you and I agreed you wouldn't come until he was here too.”

You groan, leaning forward in the chair, arms pressed to the console.  A beep echoes softly, one you would've recognised if you weren't in pain, as the computer hatches into the comms.

“You cannot come now,” you complain, head still down.

“Wait, is baby coming now?” Steph's voice startles you. Your eyes find the screen in the panic.

“No! No, baby is not- fuck” you curse again. The pain flares again, and your eyes find the clock. A nine-minute interval. You were definitely at the start of your labour if the birthing classes were right. 

“You told me they were Braxton Hicks,” Jason's tight tone comes across the comms, followed by a gunshot. 

The contraction eases again, you tone matching his, “I thought it was. You think I would lie about going into labour?”

“No, but you told me-”

“It is recommended that any outside stressor be removed during labour. Todd, I would recommend silence for a healthy birth.” Damian chimes.

“I am not in labour!” You scoff and stand up, holding the chair as you try to pace back and forth slowly.

More arguing filters across the line as you breathe. Everything is going to be fine, you tell yourself. Some women's labour lasted hours, which sounded miserable, but would allow Jason to come back to the cave and get you to a hospital. Your hopes for a hospital or even your midwife were dwindling.

You groan again, stilling in your pacing for a moment. Everything falls quiet, at least to your ears. Except for Jason's voice, muddled but present, “baby, just breathe. Like we practiced.”

Your nerves ease as you focus on the memories of Jason practicing your breathing with you before. You rely on it with him not there.

“I'm okay,” you finally say, even as fighting echoes from the coms, “I'm okay.” 

“Alfred,” bruces voice comes through, and you shake your head.

“He's upstairs getting me soup.” You laugh after you finish. You should've known your labour would be a mess.

“Why would Pennyworth-”

“Is the soup for the labour?”

“I wasn't in labour when he went to get it,” you interject.

Jason's voice comes back through, “That was eight minutes. Sweetheart, you should be fine for a little bit. Why didn't you tell me?”

You laugh again, “You're counting while you're fighting?”

Even with the gnawing ache of your early labour, you can't help but feel fond of Jason. 

“Someone has too,” he scoffs and mutters, “just Braxton Hicks.”

“I didn't think they were labour contractions when we were talking,” your sentence ends with another barely suppressed groan.

Tim juts, “uh, that was six minutes. Isn’t that like too fast?”

“Why are you counting too?” you huff, eyes prickling with tears. Instead of waiting for an answer, you say, for the first time since you found out who Jason was, “Jason, I need you to come home right now.”

“I know, baby…” Jason murmurs. 

Your heart drops at his tone, mind aware from your contractions for a moment, “Don’t say it like that!” 

He doesn’t respond to you, “Guys, a little help would be nice. I’m kind of stuck, and there’s a baby on the way.”

“Gimme fifteen minutes!” Cass adds quietly. You shake your head. Your contractions were moving too fast. If they kept getting closer, Jason might not make it back.

“I can’t-” you cut yourself off. There was only so much everyone could do, but you needed Jason for this.

“I’m sending Robin and Spoiler back to the cave for support. Don’t worry, we’ll make sure Red Hood’s back in time.” Bruce says, and it takes you a moment to realise he’s talking to you. 

The elevator dings before you can so much as utter a thank you. Alfred steps back into the cave with a tray holding two bowls, “I do hope that you won't mind me joining- I believe I told you to stay put, miss.”

You nearly cry out of relief, only for it to turn back into a groan. You bend slightly again, hands clenching at the back of the chair. 

“That’s six minutes. Pennyworth, her labour accelerating. You must prepare the med-bay.” Damian’s voice sounds rushed with a pinch of worry.

A hand finds your back, and you suddenly become aware of how sweaty you feel. You lift your head to find Alfred’s gaze, “Hey.”

“Yes, hello. To the med bay, then,” Alfred helps you over to the med bay on shaky legs. You get halfway there when you feel your legs suddenly drenched in hot wetness. 

You shake your head, in too much pain to be embarrassed, but your mind latches onto something else, “Sorry, Alfred, that’s going to be a headache to clean up.”

“What? What’s going to be a headache?” Jason’s voice comes across the coms, strained, likely fighting. Alfred lays you back on the bed.

“I think my water broke,” you answer. The laying down only slightly eases the pressure on your body,  “it's okay.”

“Your water broke?!” Some gunshots echo from the coms. You sit up the sound worry knotting.

“Jason!”

Alfred pushes you back down, “Now, Miss, you must calm down. Master Todd will be alright.”

You settle back on the bed at Alfred’s insistence, another contraction hitting you. You groan with a hand on your belly. Alfred gets to work prepping for the birth, but your mind can only focus on two things. Your daughter was painfully on her way, and Jason was not by your side.

The rumble of engines echoes through the cave. Your head tips, vision blurry with unshed tears, “Jason?”

“Not quite,” Damian’s voice meets your ears, and you cry softly. Where was Jason?

“Hey, Hey, Hey,” a hand curls around yours, your eyes make out a puff of blonde.

“Steph, hi. Where’s Jason?” you ask pitifully.

She squeezes your hand, “on his way right now. He’ll be here soon. Just hang on.”

A tear tracks down your cheek as another contraction hits. They were too close. 

“I will check her dilation then, Pennyworth.”

“No!” you sit up with a rush, regret it and settle back down, eyes on Damian. He raises a brow at you, “I love you, buddy, you know that, but you do not get to look, let alone stick your fingers up my vagina.”

Steph laughs next to you, and Damian looks at you, rather disgruntled. Alfred nods as he pulls on gloves, “I do have to agree with Miss, Master Damian. You are too young and perhaps too close to this. If I may, miss?”

At his question directed at you, you hesitantly agree. Damian leaves the med bay pouting as he walks to the computer. You sniffle as Alfred checks your cervix. He casts a glance at you and Steph before he calls out to Damian, “How far is Master Jason?”

“A few minutes at best, Pennyworth,” he replies. Alfred looks back at you again.

“Miss, baby will be here sooner than later. I know you and Master Jason had a birth plan?” Alfred asks. 

You nod, but any thought of what your birth plan was is out the window, “I can’t remember.”

“That’s alright,” he reassures, then turns to Steph, “Miss. Brown, would you be so kind as to call Doctor Thompkins? Her guidance will be needed.”

Steph nods and slips from your tight grasp you didn't know you had. Your hand curl into the bed as you ask, “Alfred, have you ever delivered a baby?”

“I’m afraid not, miss. But we will make it through this together.” He nods, “and master Jason will make it on time.”

You shake your head, voice cracking with tears, “I can’t do this without him.”

“It will be alright,” he attempts to soothe you. Steph returns with her phone, and she offers it to Alfred. He pulls his gloves from his hands and takes the phone, “Good evening, Doctor Thompkins…”

Steph prys your hand from the bed, letting you squeeze as your contractions come and go, tears race down your cheeks. This was far more painful than your almost early birth, and you wished more and more for an epidural you knew would not come. 

Another engine roars into the cave, but you're so lost in the haze of another contraction that you miss it. Steph's hand is replaced by one that’s larger, still wrapped in a leather glove. A rough kiss is pressed to your sweat-damp forehead. Your eyes flicker open and cry again at the sight of Jason, your body working on instinct, trying to hug him.

“Jason, Thank god.”

He works his glove off one hand with his teeth, then trades the one holding yours to pull off the other glove. His now freed hand moves to stroke your hair, gently pressing you back on the bed.

 “I’m here, Mama. You’re doing great.” He murmurs against your hair, “How’re you feeling?”

“I feel like I’m gonna shit myself,” you slip out, not thinking much of it. Jason’s eyes widen before his turning to look around the cave.

“Alfred!” he calls out. The man returns quickly with a pinched brow. Jason nods to you, “The baby’s coming now.”

You stare at Jason in confusion, “What? How do you- oh! Ow, jesus!” 

Your hand squeezes Jason’s hand, nails digging in as a burning pain spreads to your nether regions. The phone is quickly handed from Alfred back to Steph now on speaker. 

Everything becomes a blur. Doctor Thompkins on the phone, Jason holding your hand and the recurring encouragement to push from anyone. It feels like hours and only seconds. Pain and tears until you hear the sharp cry of a newborn. 

There’s a wiggling weight on your chest, still screaming her lungs out. Jason squeezing your hand back as you blink dazed at him as the pain subsides. Your eyes drop to stare at her, your free hand lethargically dropping on her back.

“Catherine,” you whisper, and her crying slows, “baby, hi.”

Your voice is harsher than you care for, still thick with tears. You hear Alfred talking to Jason, and soon you sleep, top is unbuttoned enough for your sticky newborn baby girl to rest on your bare chest. You can’t even bring yourself to care. Tears of pure joy leave you, mixed with elated laughter. Jason presses another kiss to your hairline, staying as close as possible.

“She’s beautiful, sweetheart,” he murmurs, “You did so good. You made it.”

His hand meets yours on her back as she yells at the world. “Catherine, huh?”

Your eyes leave her for a split second to look at him, feeling slightly dizzy from the motion. You hadn’t told him what you were planning to name her. “Is that okay?”

“Of course,” he kisses you fondly as Alfred dabs around your holds on her, cleaning her without taking her away from you. Both of your focuses return to her, to your baby. Nine months of anxiety and emotions all built up to this moment. 

Definitely worth it.

----------

Masterlist

Make a request!

You press your hand to the wall as you exit the bathroom, leaning against it as you follow that smell of food that made you both hungry and nauseous at one. 

Your eye land on jason and your plan slips out of your mind, maybe you could convince him to fuck you instead. Were you in a lot of pain? Yes, but he was so hot and your wrecked hormones wanted him. 

He finds you with a soft smile that makes you weepy again, “sweetheart, what're you doing out of bed?”

Emotions slip out in a tumble, the cry trapped in your throat falling from you as you babble wetly, about hurting and being dizzy and tired and horny and how much you loved him and how much you hated him. 

Jason turns off the stove and rounds the island to gather you in his arms as best he could. It makes you cry more as you try to hug him.

“I want you to hold me,” you cry more before cursing your belly for being in the way.

“Deep breath, mama. Come on. You need to calm down,” he speaks softly, pulling away to rub his hands up and down your arms. One of his hands moves up to wipe at your eye as he takes a performative deep breath for you and you copy him and copy him.

“‘m sorry,” you sniffle, leaning into his warm hand.

He shifts on his feet moving behind you. His hands move to wrap low on your belly  and he lifts, “Don’t be I know you're hurting.”

The relief is instant and you almost cry again. Weight off your feet and back ease the aches mildly despite you having done nothing all day.  You sigh, sniffling more as you lean back against him, letting him hold the brunt of your body. 

Jason noses against your hair line, soft and gentle, “better?”

You hum, hands moving to press up and down his arms where he holds you in appreciation, “I'm so tired, Jay.”

He hates to hear it, the more mournful sound of your voice. He’s never been more grateful that you actually told him you were pregnant rather than running away. He couldn't imagine leaving you to do this alone.

“I know,” he murmurs, “and I know it doesn't make you feel better but only a couple of weeks and she'll be here.”

You'd bemoan the idea of doing this any longer if it weren't for the way Jason says she. Your baby girl was going to be here soon.

 It didn't zap the pain from your body but it did make the weight of everything feel a bit lighter. It was just one day rougher than most days but you would be holding your baby soon and that made alright. 

“It does make me feel better,” you tell him. He gently shuffles you to the couch and the moment his hands leave your belly, you bite down the urge to complain. 

A few more weeks, just a few more weeks. You remind yourself. You settle heavy against the couch and Jason eagerly helps you put your feet up on the coffee table, tucking a pillow under your heels to hide the bite of wood. 

He kisses your cheek, your eye, then your forehead, "I'm going to start a bath for you, one with lots of Epsom salts. Does that sound good?”

You laugh still teary as you nod. A few months prior to your pregnancy. You had gone through a phase of trying to ease the everyday aches of being a vigilante for Jason. You'd gone out of your way and bought loads of Epsom salts, some scented, some not, just so he could bathe and relax in the comfort of your home. 

It helped but he called you the most precious excessive caretaker ever after you forced him into the bath every day for a month.  You eased up after that but every once and while, on the colder days in Gotham, he'd let you draw one of those baths for him and now he was doing it for you.

“Jason,” you call out as he walks to the bathroom. He pauses hand on the wall as he looks back at you, “I really love you, you know that right?”

“Yeah, I know,” he offers a bit of a shy smile, “I love you too.” 

He disappears and your hands drift over your belly. You definitely needed to lotion up after the bath, maybe it would ease the way your skin felt so stretched. There's a small bump against your hand.

“Yeah, hi,” you say to your belly, “it's evening, baby. You should be settling down, not waking up. This is why I'm so tired all the time.”

You rub over the press of foot or hand with fond annoyance.

“Dad’s makin’ a bath,” you slouch more on the couch, trying to find a comfortable position for your back ache, “I know you're always in water and it's fun and all but your mama needs to chill out. Do you ever notice when I'm in the bath? Or like in the shower? Does it sound like its raining in there?”

There’s silence because of course there is. Your response though does come in what you dub a very rude push against your rib. Your nose wrinkles at the uncomfortable motion. Jason catches it as he comes back.

“What is it?” He asks as he pulls tissues from the box on the coffee table and knees to wipe the mess of tears off your face.

“Your daughter’s awake,” you huff, though there's a smile on your lips. 

“My daughter,” he coos as he kneels to talk to your belly, “no daughter of mine is mean to mom. You be nice in there, little miss.”

The pressure against your ribs ease and it makes you roll your eyes, “Already a daddy's girl. Can I take a bath now?” 

Jason easily scoops you up, even with the added weight of the baby growing inside you. You curl your arms around his neck tighter just in case and he must catch it.

He scoffs as he carries you to the bathroom, “You don't trust me or something?”

“Or something” you murmur as he sets you down on your feet in the steamy bathroom. He helps you out of your clothes and into the bathtub. 

“You're a genius,” you mutter as you settle in the water, aches already lessening as you close your eyes. 

His hand settles on your belly, covering the only part not under water, your belly button, “anything for my girls”

You feel your baby shift again, a bump against Jason's hand. Whether it's to seek out her father or just from the extra warmth of the water, you'll never know.

“I think she likes baths,” Jason comments.

Your wet hand moves to cover his, “I think she likes you, I know I do.”

“My girl” he coos leaning down to kiss at your head.

---------

Masterlist

You think Jason knows something’s up. He'd been especially soft with you. Kissing away both happy and upset tears, rubbing your back as you threw up. You told him you were sick, the flu at the same time as your period that totally crashed at your usual hormone cycle. He believed you but you didn't know for how long.

The potential of a slip up came sooner than you expected. You hadn't been showing yet only looking slightly bloated rather than pregnant. It didn't stop Jason from touching you, wanting you the way he usually did. 

Even though you felt gross half the time, you didn't stop him. If only because you felt like you wanted Jason more than ever, the way he'd shudder when you touched him just so, the flush of his skin. You felt a little feral about it.

You finally had to stop it though, despite the way you wanted to trap him in bed. You'd noticed two things while he was gone on overnight mission helping Dick with something. 

You'd been watching TV, volume low as you tried to drag yourself into the realm of sleep. It was an odd flutter in your stomach. You thought you were going to throw up your dinner. You had stood slowly and made your way to the bathroom but you paused before you reached it as the feeling moved. You went to the bedroom instead and stood in front of the full length mirror.

You stare at yourself and press a hand to your stomach. You don't feel anything on the outside, no punching hands or jutting feet from a growing infant but you can still feel them moving around inside you. You turn slightly and tug up Jason's sweatshirt.

You stare and stare at your belly. It was like over night your bloated stomach changed shape to a very distinct bump. Your hand settles against your skin. The tears start before you can stop them and you blubber quietly to yourself and your baby.

“Hi, you're awake. I can feel you.” You rub over the little bump like you could touch them as you cry. Your feet moved without thought back to the living. You pick up your phone and call Jason.

He picks up on the first ring, “is everything okay? What's wrong?”

“Jason,” you say his name through happy tears before they stop your lips dropping into a frown. 

“Sweetheart? What is it? Talk to me” He says with a tone heavy with concern. 

“I’m sorry. I just missed you.” You drop to the couch, hand settling on your belly in defeat. You wanted to tell him your baby was moving, that you were showing, that you were pregnant. You fear takes over instead. Even if you found the courage he deserved to be told in person.

“I miss you too, baby” he coos and your eyes grow wet again. 

“I love you, Jason.” You cry and he rushes to placate you even over the phone.

“I love you too, you know that. Are you sure you're okay?”

“Yeah,” you sniffle, “be safe, okay?”

“You know it. Get some sleep, honey. Love you.” 

“Love you” you answer wetly before hanging up.

You call Cass next. In your overt  worry you had managed to pull yourself together for doctor visits but the fear of doing it all alone the first time wasn't something you could take. You'd told Cass because you knew she'd keep quiet about it even though she insisted you tell Jason.

She answers with a bang followed by a grunt and then silence.

“You okay?” She finally asks after a beat. You forgot with it being the middle of the night that she would be on patrol.

“She moved,” you whisper. It surprises you a second. You hadn't gendered the baby before.

“Did she? Could I feel her if I came over?” Her excitement bleeds into her words and simmers your anxiety with Jason.

“No, not yet. She's just moving around on the inside. No kicks yet.” 

“Dang it.” You barely hear her mutter and it makes you smile.

“I called Jason.”  You tell her weakly.

“You told him?” she asks, surprised.

“No. I just wasn't thinking and I called him to tell him and I just couldn't, Cass. What am I doing?” you listen to her sigh across the line.

“What you think is right. You know I think you should tell, if you don't he'll figure it out anyways. You know he will.”  She answers quietly but you can't tell if it's to calm you or because she’s stalking someone. 

“I'll tell him.” 

“You will?” 

“Just not yet.”

You hear her heavy sigh through the line, “I’m coming over after this and I'm bringing Spoiler.”

She leaves you no room for argument. You agree and hang up. You slump on the couch, rubbing a hand on your newly discovered baby bump.

*****

Jason returns the next day with an air of exhaustion to him. You don't like seeing him so tired but just this once you're grateful. After greeting you with a kiss and soft utterance of ‘missed you’ and ‘love you’, he went straight to bed. It gave you some time to try and make a plan. Jason was usually pretty handsy after a mission, the lingering adrenaline really got him going.

You came up with a few evade tactics. You couldn't let him get your clothes off, at least your sweatshirts and hoodies that you were using to hide the baby bump from him. You certainly couldn't let him touch your belly either, even if he was just hugging you.

The first near slip was after he woke up. You were washing the dishes and he came up behind you, hand sliding over your hip. You jolt, soapy hand grasping at his to stop its movement. Your turn abruptly to face him, water spraying slightly onto his shirt. He gives you a questioning look.

“Hi,” you say, a little breathless, and give him what you hope is a confident smile.

“Hi, baby. You okay?” his other hand meets your other hip just holding you.

“Yeah, ‘course. Why wouldn’t I be?” you rush out. His features turn into one of concern.

“Are you sure?”

Your hands press into his wrist, pulling them away from your body, “Yeah, I’m just not in any mood, you know? And you scared me a little is all.”

His arms grow limp in your hold. Your chest aches a little as you watch a frown from on his lips. 

“Sorry, sweetheart.” he says and you hate how he sounds upset. You shift on your tip toes to press a kiss to the edge of his mouth.

“It's okay. I’m not mad.” 

*****

It turns out you can only resist Jason so much. You don't even know how it happened but you end up on your back in bed later that evening. Spit slick lips pressed together as Jason settles between your legs, hand skimming up your thighs. The heat of his hand against the bare skin of your hip makes you freeze, hand shooting down to grab his. It takes nearly a minute for him to stop kissing down your neck, finally noticing your halting. 

He shifts up on his forearm to look down at you, brows pinched. Your hand that had been tangled in his hair moves to swipe a thumb over the crease.

“You don't wanna?” he asks, “still in any mood? It's okay if you're not a sweetheart. You know I don’t want anything you don't want.” 

The worst part of Jason's concerns and question is that you were in the mood. It burned in your blood, panties damp. You just didn't want him to see the bump. 

“I know, Jay. I know. I’m just-” what excuse did you have to not fully undress, “bloated. I don't look good right now.”

He gives you an unimpressed look, “When has that ever bothered me, honey. You're beautiful.” He leans down and kisses gently at your cheek, “even if you were a worm, or a rat, or a squirrel.”

You laugh then, a wet giggle of affection, as you stroke his cheek, “Thank you Jay, but can I leave my sweatshirt on. Please.”

“If that's what you want, sweetheart. You won't get too hot?” you shake your head at his question. 

It turns out Jason definitely does not need you naked to pleasure you. After, you lay awake staring at Jason as he sleeps. Even if you could manage to convince him you had to wear a hoodie or sweatshirt every time, Jason was still too touchy even when you weren't having sex. This was going to be harder than you thought.

*****

It takes nearly a month before everything comes crashing down. You were visiting the manor for a weekend lunch, just checking in. You were thankful for the cold fall weather, it gave you an excuse to keep your hoodie on even in the house. 

You think Jason was starting to become suspicious or at least a little upset. You had become very talented at spinning out his hold before he could touch your belly but every week you watched it grow. It was odd the way you could feel her moving inside you.

You had gone twice for your monthly visits and twice you had felt incredibly lonely. You were starting to hate how unfair it all felt and how much it was your fault but you were still scared of how Jason would react. You tried to broach the idea of children to him in conversation, just to get where his head was at, but every time he would just shrug his shoulders.

You were set on getting some girl time with Cass and Steph, who had joined your little secret baby society that night the baby started moving. You weren't sure of it, because you felt the baby move all the time, but you think she was starting to kick. That if someone were to touch your belly, they would feel her too. You needed someone to test though to be sure. It was before lunch was served that you split from Jason and dragged the girls into a separate room. 

“You're growing so fast!” Steph exclaimed when you pulled up your sweatshirt. Both girls had a hand on you before you could blink. The three of you stood in silence for a minute before Cass looked at you.

“Are you still throwing up?” she asks, hand still on your belly.

“Not really. Just nausea every once and a while.” you shrug.

“Shhhh,” Steph hushes you both and you smile as she leans closer to belly. You were happy that, even though you hadn't told Jason, you still had the girls, supportive as ever. 

Steph gasps and drags Cass hand over to where hers was. They both look at you with wide eyes and grins.

“Dude, there's a baby in there.” 

You snort at Steph’s statement, “Really, Steph? I hadn't noticed.”

A knock on the door has you tugging your hoodie down quickly as Alfred calls out that lunch was ready. You three take your time meandering to the dining room. You don't miss the upset look that Jason throws you as you sit down. It has you sitting a little closer to slip your hand around his. Lunch goes as it usually does, too many people talking all at once. Jason was being suspiciously silent. You wonder if one of his brothers had already gotten on his nerves. It's as you’re laughing at something Duke was telling you when Jason asks a question that throws everybody for a loop.

“Are you cheating on me?” The dining room goes quiet surprisingly quickly.

“What?” you blink at him.

“You heard me.”

You look around at his family, an odd surrealness to that fact that he’s bringing this concern up right at this moment, “You want to have this conversation right now?”

“I haven't done anything wrong. Have you?” he gives you that upset look again and it makes your eyes prickle with the heat of tears.

“Jason,” Cass says his name like a warning. 

“You two know about this, don't you?” He gestures to her and Steph. 

“It’s not like that,” Steph jumps to defend you. You don't wait for  more of the conversation, a nausea you hadn't felt since earlier in your pregnancy hitting you. You push out of your seat and rush out of the dining room. You barely hear Cass of all people yell at Jason, “What’s wrong with you?”

You barely make it to the nearest bathroom before you’re puking up your lunch. Even afte,r you cry. How could Jason even think that you would do something like that? Cass finds you first, settling with you where you cry on the floor. It was too dramatic of a reaction you think, but your wacked out hormones only made it worse.

“Why would he-” you choke on the question. Cass’s hand grips yours.

“Boy talk.” she says, “you haven’t been as touchy with him. All the boys thought it meant you were seeing someone else, pulling away.”

“He would've known, Cass, if I had let him touch me. I just- he hates me now.” you cry.

She coos at you, “He doesn't hate you, he’s just confused.”

You shake your head in disbelief. This wouldn't work. Jason didn't want you anymore, he wouldn't want the baby. You couldn't stay.

“I should leave,” You say, wiping your tears, “I should leave Gotham. It’ll be easier.”

“Let's not do anything dramatic now,” Cass says, shaking her head. You ignore her  and try to push yourself to your feet.

“Help please,” you ask with your hand out. Even as she helps you, she tries to talk you down.

“You can't just leave. You should talk it out.” she tells you as you walk out of the bathroom and head for the front door.

“Leave? You're leaving?”Jason appears in the hallway and walks around him. 

“You don't want me anymore. You think I would cheat on you.” you sniffle as you walk away. 

“Well are you?”

“No!” you turn back to him with sudden anger. You can't believe he was even asking you that again.

“Then why-”

“I’m pregnant and you're the father! But you don't want me or this, so I’m leaving Gotham.” you turn back to your original route. 

****

I’m pregnant and you're the father.

Jason couldn't believe those words had left your mouth. He stands there stunned staring at the spot you had been standing. You were pregnant. You were going to have a baby, his baby.

“Hey, asshole. You gonna just let her leave?” Steph’s voice kicks him from his shocked stare. He turns to find his entire family watching through the doorway, Dick and Tim with guilty looks. He knew he shouldn't have talked to them about it. 

He takes off after you, out the front door and down the steps. He finds the driver side of the door propped open. You’ve got your face buried in your hands as you cry in despair. It stabs him right through the heart. This was all his fault. The love of his life, the mother of his child crying in the midst of a failed runaway. He hated it. 

He eases onto his knees on the ground next to you, “Baby?”

“I don't have the car keys,” you cry. He doesn't know why he hadn't figured this out sooner. You had been crying an awful lot recently.

“Do you really want the car keys?” you sniffle as you drop your hands to look at him. 

“You don't want me anymore.” You state.

“I never said that sweetheart.” his hand press gently into your knee.

“You thought I was cheating on you.” You frown at him.

“Only for thirty minutes and I’m sorry for ever thinking such a thing. Please forgive me.”

You're quiet for a moment and Jason’s never felt so on edge. Then, slowly, you curl your hand on top of his.

“Jason, I’m scared.” You quietly admit. With your returned affection, he sits a little straighter to slide his hand around the side of your neck, thumb stroking at the hollow of your cheek.

“Why’re you scared?” He murmurs. 

“I don't think you want this.” your free hand presses to your stomach and Jason watches the fabric of your hoodie mold to the shape of your belly, a bump you’d done surprisingly well at hiding from him.

“Is it what you want?” He asks you. Truth be told, Jason hadn't put much thought into having children. It was only after he met you that he even thought there was a future worth living for, something to come home safe too. 

“I do. I want it with you, Jay.” His hand moves from your knee to join your hand at your belly. 

“Then I do too. You should know by now that I want everything with you.” he coos quietly, “Can I see it? Your belly that you’ve been hiding.”

You nod slowly and drag your sweatshirt up. Jason’s surprised. You're bigger than he expected. He eases his hand over your skin in awe and then he feels it, the little bump against his hand. He looks up at you with wide eyes but you're staring down at your belly with teary adoration.

“Baby, how long?” 

You give him a shameful look when you meet his eyes, “The doctor says I should be about 20 weeks along.”

Jason does some quick mental math in his head, “You’re five months pregnant.”

“Four and a half.”

“Sweetheart.”

“I’ve only known for about two and a half. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” You rush out apologetic.

“No, no. I’m sorry for making you think you had to hide it from me. I love you and I will always want you and I want this, okay?” He stares you down to be sure you got it. He watches your eyes grow wet again before throwing your arms around his shoulders, hugging him awkwardly from your seat in the car.

“I love you, Jason,” You breath out ragged against his neck. You stay like that long enough that Jason begins to worry about the odd twist of your back. He indulges longer than he should’ve, his hand still on your stomach feeling the slight shift of the baby.

“We should go inside, yeah? Finish up lunch.” he eases away from and kisses your lips lightly before moving to wipe the tear stains from your cheeks. 

He watches your face shift into an embarrassed pout, “I made a fool of myself.”

“No, I made an ass of myself for listening to my idiot brothers. You have nothing to be ashamed of.” He gently tugs you out the car and helps you back to the house. 

*****

There’s quite the line up when you two enter the house. The entire family is waiting for you in the foyer. Dick and Tim are quick with apologies. 

“To be fair though, we did not tell him to throw you under the bus in front of everyone like that,” Dick justifies slightly. You frown at it and he rushes to correct it, “Not that matters. What matters is everything's worked out now, right?”

You look at Jason. His hand hadn’t left your back since he’d helped you from the car. You find him already staring at you, this new look of love in his eyes. Jason had always looked at you like he loved you but this seemed different. 

“Everything’s fine now. He’s not allowed to come to you two for advice anymore.” You state. Tim rubs at the back of his neck, nodding.

“Yeah, that's fair.” 

Bruce clears his throat, the crowd around you all looking at their imposing father figure, “Is there something you’d like to share with us?”

There’s a hint of a smile that you’d seen only a number of times, like he was making a joke that he knew only he would find funny. 

“Hardly announcement, father. She shouted it across the Manor.” Damian juts in. He hovers closer, having been unexpectedly quiet, “The child is in good health.”

The way he says it has you squinting down at the boy before glancing over at the girls, “Did you tell him?”

They both shake their heads. You turn to stare down Damian.

“You weren't eating salami. You love salami. You didn't have any soft serve ice cream when we went to the zoo. And of course the morning sickness. Accessing your records at Gotham General was of little challenge.”

“Damian, we talked about looking up people's medical records.” Bruce sighs. 

“Hold on,” Jason interrupts, “you told Steph and Cass?”

“I didn't want to go to the doctors alone. I told Cass so it's no surprise Steph followed.” you explain.

“That feels like it should be offensive. Is that offensive?” Steph asks and you shake her head her.

“Okay, before this becomes another disaster. I am pregnant, as I ‘shouted’ early. Jason’s the father, no cheating. Four and a half months along.” You pull the fabric of your hoodie taut, baby bump evident, “She is in good health and she’s started moving a lot more.”

“She?” Jason questions quietly. 

“Well, I’ve been calling them she but, I'm not sure. The sonogram for the sex is in two weeks but I just kind of feel like they’re a girl, you know?”

“Mother’s intuition?” he offers and you blink. It startles you a bit. You'd been so worried about the hiding and your’s and the baby’s health, you hadn't sat and thought about how you were about to become a parent. You were going to be mom and Jason was going to be a dad. Your eyes well up again. 

“No offense, dude, but how did you not know?” Duke asks and it makes you laugh wetly.

*****

When you get home, Jason has you lay out for him in a tank top instead of your hoodie. He lays by your belly and talks for what feels like hours. You cry off and on and Jason, your sweet Jason, would pause to kiss at your tears and mutter apologies before going back to talking to your baby.

This is what you had wanted the entire time. You wish you had just talked to him but Jason didn't seem to hold it against you, his hand pressing sweetly against your belly.

“I'll get Dick and Tim to help move everything out of the office. It can be their punishment for convincing me you were cheating.” He mutters quietly and it takes you a moment to realize he's talking to you.

“What are you talking about?” You question, hand sliding into his hair.

“For the nursery. We're months behind, babe.” You stare at him. He'd know less then twenty four hours and his mind was already moving full steam ahead. You hadn't even thought about a nursery.

“I'm sorry,” you frown and he shifts away from your belly to hover over your face.

“That wasn't a jab, sweetheart. You're just making it a fun challenge. How much can we get done before she's here?” It's playful, the way he comforts you. He leans down to kiss at the corner of your eye and it makes you squirm.

“Hopefully everything.” You huff before relaxing back down into the bed, “jason, I’m hungry.”

“What do you want? I can make something, a warm soup maybe?” As he speaks, he kisses your face. You gnawed on your lip. You fought to be quiet about your cravings because of how weird they sounded but Jason knew now. He could find how insane your stomach had become.

“Pickles.” 

He sits to make a face at you, “pickles?”

“Covered in chocolate syrup.” You add quietly.

Jason's face contours, nose wrinkling in disgust before it molds into some more neutral, “you want pickles covered in a chocolate syrup?” 

“Yeah,” you nod slowly, “could you drizzle some chili oil on it too?”

“Babe,” he sighs like he's in pain, "I'm trying really hard to be supportive but that sounds disgusting.”

“I know,” you shrug, “but it tastes good to me.”

“You've eaten it before?” He sounds astonished as he questions you. 

“I do loads of stuff without you knowing.” 

“Lame. You should tell me everything, honey.” He coos before kissing you slowly. He pulls away only to stare into your eyes, “I'll make your weird food for you but only because I love you.”

You grin up at him and peck at his lips, "I love you.”

As Jason wanders out of the bedroom, you sit up and rub at your belly, “that was your dad. I don't think I've seen him talk to someone so much. You should get used to his voice and his stories. He's only a little insane sometimes. It's okay because he loves so much and that includes you, baby. You're going to be so loved you won't know what to do with it all.”

“Where's the chili oil?” Jason yells from the kitchen. 

You snort before pushing yourself off the bed, "He's also really not observant when it comes to you and me. I'm going to teach you to get away with so much stuff.”

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