Neri (Hiatus)

I’ll try to keep it short, simple and not too sappy. 👋

I mean, I knew I was going away for good when I said my goodbye almost two full years ago, but a part of me thought I'd break the promise I made to myself lol.

I'm still keeping it, tho. I'm sure most of you don't remember me, I'm sure I wouldn't recognize most of you, but I just wanted to let you know that I am okay, and I hope you are okay, too.

did a bunch of contemplation since my last post. health’s still not the best, work is... well, work, and lately, my inspiration is just... elsewhere. 

it’s funny, remembering i had other interest. and lately i’ve been spending more time with my family and friends (minus the quarantine period) and exploring other mediums that used to interest me before or have started to interest me now. I’ve been ARMY for 5 years now and 4 was spent neck deep in fanfic. Me not being able to write, first because of circumstances, then because of a lack of inspiration/motivation is telling. 

it’s not a dramatic goodbye - it’s not a goodbye at all, in fact. writing is slowly coming back to me, but not for these stories, not for tumblr, not for this account and not even for BTS. I hope it changes soon because I have so much I want to share, but I also thought it was only fair to tell you that i truly and honestly just don’t know. I don’t know when i’ll be able to write, what I’ll write and when I’ll post. I need to be okay first and I am far from it. And I’m not going to hold that against myself. my mistakes are mine alone but some shit I just can’t influence. 

After 2+ years of being healthy, vaccinated, and distanced, I got hit by fucking covid. 13 days ago, started mildly, thought I had a weak ass flu. No fever, no coughing. Then 5 days later, coughing started. Got tested. Positive. Got progressively worse. Up and down, up and down. The current state is: a pulmonary infection ft covid and it’s still not getting any better. They even did another backup test on me just yesterday even tho the doc said it’ll very likely be negative - guess what, it wasn’t. It’s like I’ve been fucking hit with super covid hybrid and all I have is one bottle of antibiotics to save my butt from it being worse. 

It sucks. I’m tired. Writing is the last thing on my mind and it’s kwording me that I keep pushing back the things I truly want to work on but life just keeps getting in the way. I’m sick of having to push back my plans and honestly, I’m sick of barely writing 1k words in the past 3 months. 

All the health stuff with my family, the promotion, then my own freaking illnesses which just keep smacking me on the ass full force one after the other, I’m exasperated and barely clinging onto sanity at this point. 

What I can say is, I will try. Not cause you’re pressuring me or anything like that - you’re not, you’re the sweetest bunch in this world and I haven’t gotten a single passive aggressive message, regarding anything, much less something rude. I’m promising to try on my own volition because I need to learn how to fulfil the promises I make to myself, before even daring to make them to other people.  BTS tell us to love ourselves, but we need to remember to forgive ourselves sometimes, too. Cause it’s fucking hard. It just is. We all have shitty battles and shitty things to deal with and an abundance of shitty days. So I’m internet hugging you all. Well, I need to be away, so I’m internet thumbs uping at you. 

I truly, honestly, from the bottom of my cold ass heart, hope that I will be able to write soon and that I will be able to write well. 

thank you for your worry anonie 🥺

If you did, I must have missed it, I've been in and out for months now 😭 Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words! I can't wait to explore more supernatural Yoongi & BTS in general, there are several stories collecting dust in my drafts 👀

oh anonie, it's not weird at all! back when I was more of a reader, I used to do the same thing.

I feel horrible for making you guys wait this long for a resolution, especially since Sandman was supposed to be a oneshot originally... I wish I could just snap my fingers and have it done, but crappy thing after a crappy thing just keeps happening 😭