"DID symptoms no-one talks about" but very specific this time:
Conflicts and arguments are harder because you're more likely to rapid switch and experience amnesia when you're emotionally distressed, so I often end up feeling like I'm contradicting myself, back-tracking, and don't remember enough of what transpired to be able to truly engage and communicate well. This can make me seem like a liar who is trying to manipulate others and dismiss accountability for their actions. The reality is that different alters have different opinions, feelings, and input, and one alter cannot explain another alter's thought process, so sometimes I say something and then seem to back-track and contradict myself, because I can't explain a thought process I previously had, no matter what, because it was an entirely different alter with that thought process who is no longer fronting.
I don't know if I have ARFID, but I've suspected it for a while, and I've suspected that part of my problems with eating and food could also be different alters having different food preferences. I've had a lot of experiences where I felt like I thought I liked a food, only to try it and it tastes completely different from how I remember it and food not tasting good to me anymore, even though I previously liked it. I'm not talking about the normal human "taste buds change" over the course of years - I'm talking about "I know I liked this weeks ago, but I hate it now", "I seem to sometimes like rice and soy sauce and it's delicious, but other times it seems to taste disgusting and nothing at all like I remember."
How different DID feels when you have little to no awareness vs much more awareness. Why does no-one talk about this? Before I've gained some more of the awareness I have now, I was totally unaware of switches and alters, and many people treated me like I wasn't describing DID symptoms or like I was describing OSDD instead of DID, all for reasons like me telling people "I don't switch" when the reality was actually that I was simply not aware of switches and discounted any time I thought a switch may have happened and I didn't know how to figure out if I had switched, so I BELIEVED that I didn't switch, and I BELIEVED other things too such as "my memory is fine" and would tell people these things - other systems - and they'd tell me that I wasn't describing DID symptoms or that I was describing OSDD instead. The reality was that I just had extreme denial and little to no awareness because my dissociation was so extreme. And I just have to say that DID feels completely different when you have actual more awareness of who your alters are, when you switch, of passive influence, internal communication, and more, and I never see anyone talk about it.
DID is not rare, but the entire world makes you FEEL like it is.
Dysphoria/dysmorphia (I'm unsure which word would be more accurate to use here) because your visual appearance doesn't match how you want to be/wish you were perceived. I've seen people talk about some weird experience of ""seeing yourself in the mirror and seeing someone who doesn't look like you"", and I assume that's the experience I'm talking about, but at least for me, it just feels more like this bone-deep discomfort with my appearance because I don't look the way I wish I did. And it can be like "I'm uncomfortable because we are wearing clothes that the current fronting alter doesn't feel comfortable in" to varying degrees of gender dysphoria experienced by different alters to "I look completely different from how I wish I could look, and that brings me great discomfort."
Honestly being surprised at times to truly think about some alters and see them as "Me" just another side of me. Like, sometimes I just think about some of us and it feels strange to really think about the fact that "that alter is Me, just other aspects of my personlity."
gracieabrams
andulkaphoto
theartofmadeline
ellievsbear
2087
snowghoul
