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Bruce: (minding his business)

Talia, messaging in the middle of the day: Beloved. Look at our beautiful sons.

Talia: (sends a photo of Jason reading little Damian a book while he drools)

Bruce, with his eye twitching: IS THAT JASON?

Bruce: SONS?

Bruce: TALIA?

Talia, turning her phone to Jason: A family photoshoot would ruin him completely. I'm just saying.

Jason, staring at the screen: ...

Jason: Call Ra's. We are doing the sweetest family photoshoot this world had ever seen. I need the old man to get a stroke.

Talia: ...I sense like I made some mistake here.

do NOT say “i’d like a lifetime supply of raspberry crowns”

Dick, looking through old photo books: aw, it's such a shame Talia didn't tell B about you until recently Dami, I'd have loved to see photos of you as a baby

Damian: ? I can get baby photos if that is required in this family

Dick: what, how? Talia doesn't seem like the baby-book kind of woman, no offense.

Damian: She was not, however after my brother was brought out of the Lazarus pit he was given a few old cameras in an attempt to make his mind focus on something not harmful to himself and settle down. He took a lot of photos of our family during his training.

Dick:

Bruce:

Both, simultaneously: your what now?

-later-

Damian, walking into the room with an old box: Alright so I broke into his current safe house while he was working and took one of the boxes. I believe these should suffice for your 'baby books'

Bruce: hold on you broke into his- your brother lives in Gotham??? there's a trained league assassin working in this city and you didn't tell me? Damian we need to talk about your habit of withholding important infor-

Dick: Bruce.....

Bruce: -mation. what?

Dick: look at the.... photo...

Bruce, leaning over to see a photo of Jason Todd holding baby Damian up at the head of a meeting table like in the lion king, red smear on his forehead, while Ra's Al Ghul stares at them both from his seat looking Tired Of Jason's Shit™:

Damian, peering at the photo: yes, Todd got quite good with the timers on those cameras, he took many a photo holding me like that. I believe it was a special campaign designed to get on grandfather's nerves enough that he'd agree to watch the movie with us.

Bruce:

Dick:

*screaming*

bonus:

Tim: you know some of these photos are actually really good, like the angles and tones you used

Jason: you steal Robin, I steal photography.

Tom and Hazai were exploring a planet recently added to the intergalactic database. Navis was tasked with bringing supply packages to the sentient species there. It was all, of course, an effort to have the planet be knowledgeable of the wider community of space while attempting to keep their technological influence to a minimum. They did something similar to Earth way back when the lightwaves finally made it to the council and Humans were confirmed to be sentient themselves. Unfortunately, any attempts made were quickly swept under the rug known as secret government agencies.

 This planet seemed to be doing much better environmentally than Earth was. Lifeforms here evolved somewhat eerily. Most flora was found underground where liquid water was in constant supply. Tom had also seen a large plant with what looked suspiciously like bones in various odd places. After some confirmation with various off-world researchers, it was noted that the plants here were carnivorous. This made sense in Tom’s mind, considering there were multiple examples of such behaviour in the plant life on his home planet. This information spooked Hazai quite a bit more. She was nervous around anything with roots for the entire rest of the mission.

 They had been wandering with a vague sense of purpose for quite some time and they were yet to come across any sort of sentient life. This fact did not help the ever-increasing complaining of Tom’s muscles under the weight of the supplies. Gravity here was slightly stronger here than it was in standard conditions, which did not help the ache in Tom’s back in the slightest.

 “Hey, Hazai,” he said at last, “I think we should take a break. I can’t carry this pack any longer.”

 Hazai reluctantly agreed. She was itching to get out of the underground tunnels and back into the starlight. Nevertheless, they sat down beside a large woody plant that smelt vaguely of honey and laid down some sleeping bags. Well, Tom did in any case. Hazai liked to rest sitting upright with her feathers ruffled in a way the Human found incredibly endearing.

 Tom was almost asleep when he heard the sound of footsteps echoing off the tunnel walls. He jerked upright. Hazai had heard the sounds too but seemed less troubled by it.

 The footsteps continued. They sounded odd to Tom. They were familiar. Concerningly so. He could hear that whatever it was was bipedal. Its footfalls were also heavy. Not much could echo in such a densely vegetated area. The sound seemed almost… human.

 Almost.

 Some primal instinct was crawling its way up Tom’s spine. Something was seriously wrong here. He just couldn’t pinpoint what.

 He edged up from his sleeping bag, not taking his eyes off the slight bend in the tunnel where the footsteps grew steadily closer.

 Hazai seemed to sense the tension now. Her feathers puffed up and she raised her arms in a way not dissimilar to a threatened owl. She did look bigger, but Tom found it difficult to see the Braal as any more intimidating.

 Then, from around the bend a figure emerged. The dull light of the cave system made it difficult to make them out in any detail but Tom was still certain that there was something wrong with this alien.

 "Oh look, Tom!" Chirped Hazai in relief, "It's a Human! Maybe they can help us find--"

 Before she could finish, Tom cut her off with a warning whistle. His nerves made it a little off-key but the message came through nonetheless. Tom eyed up the approaching figure.

 It did look Human, in every way it should. It had two plantigrade legs and stood upright in the same way a Human would. It had all the key features on its face. Every part of its anatomy was undeniably Human.

 Except, for the fact that it wasn't Human.

 There is an interesting thing amongst the species that isn't seen anywhere else in recorded databases. It's a unique sense known only to Humans. Something that has been dubbed the 'uncanny valley' effect. An ability derived from the insane capability of the Human mind to find a Human face. The mind is in fact, so good at finding faces of the same species that it can impeccably recognise when a face is not Human even though all key indicators show that it should be.

 Notable comments made by various subjects in studies of the phenomenon say that they themselves cannot pinpoint what exactly causes the effect for them. Some guess it can be the way the Not-Human's mouth moves, or that its hands are ever so slightly out of proportion. Another key feature mentioned is the eyes.

 The eyes are what tip Tom off.

 "That's not a Human."

 Hazai looks at him questioningly. She couldn't see any difference between the average Human and the one in front of her.

 "I know you can't see it," Tom said as he grabbed the Braal's feathered shoulder, "but you have to trust me on this."

 Hazai hesitated for a second but complied. She’d seen enough of Humans to know not to question their instincts. She eyed the alien in front of her. She looked desperately for what Tom saw in the being. She didn’t have much time though, because soon after Tom dragged her down the winding stone tunnels. A few plants followed them with their gaping traps. They weren’t running. At least, Tom wasn’t. Hazai managed to keep up with his speed walking by hopping forward occasionally.

 The Not-Human was following them in strides slightly too long. It moved casually. It even spoke.

 “Wait,” it said, “I only want to talk.”

 Hazai had the impression they were speaking through a translator. She could hear the metallic drone behind each word. But she could hear desperation behind it. Something she’d heard from Tom multiple times before.

 “Please,” she tugged at Tom’s sleeve, “Can’t we listen? They might stop once they know we know.”

 Tom grimaced. He was thinking through all the possible ways attempting to negotiate with the alien might go wrong, but with one look into Hazai’s eyes, he complied.

 “Fine,” he groaned, “we’ll talk.”

----

 The alien sat in front of them on a mossy stone. Their limbs were splayed around them in a way that really shouldn’t be comfortable. They looked comfortable now though. The short conversation they had (which was more of a declaration that Tom saw through their disguise) allowed them to relax.

 As it turns out the alien is from a species of ‘shapeshifters’. They explained that it is mainly used as a defence mechanism but as the species became more sentient they tended to use it more for fun.

 “I didn’t mean to freak you out,” They explained, “I just thought you looked cool, and it’s always easier to make friends when you look like them.”

 Tom didn’t make eye contact. He could barely still look at the alien. He understood them, to a certain extent, but the whole ordeal still had him on edge.

 “I’m surprised you knew I wasn’t… uh Human. Generally, my disguises are pretty good”

 Tom spluttered for a second as he tried to think of an answer.

 “It’s– Um, it’s just something we’re good at? We just know when something isn’t actually human.”

 The alien hummed.

 “Don’t think I’ve heard of anything like that before…”

 “You probably haven’t. We’re weird like that.”

 The group fell into a mildly comfortable silence. Tom glanced at Hazai who also seemed to be mulling the new information over. She had a concerned look in her eyes.

 Eventually, Tom remembered the reason they were there in the first place. He handed over the supply pack.

 “It’s mainly just some information about intergalactic culture. Dos and do nots and all that. I think there's some stuff about similar planets and how to survive basic space travel,” Tom picked up a few items as he spoke. “We’re not meant to interfere with ‘the natural technological progression of a planet’, so I can’t really help you out with the getting to space part.”

 “Ah.” The alien was thinking. Tom noticed a certain pattern in the way their limbs moved when they were considering things.

 “I guess I’ll have to get this back to the rest of us,” they said finally.

 The conversation turned to goodbyes here. Tom was eager to leave the weird uncanny valley planet and Hazai just wanted to be able to see the sky without the fear of being eaten by an off-brand pitcher plant. The alien, though, seemed at home here. He explained how he hated to see the two travellers go.

 “But I guess we’ll get more now that we’re registered with, whatever the space organisation is.”

 Tom agreed and they parted ways.

----

 Back on Navis Tom and Yongrae were eating together.

 “I had the weirdest experience on that new planet we went to,” Tom said, “The sentient species there can shapeshift, it’s weird as hell.”

 “Ah,” Yongrae smiled, “like a Not-Deer situation?”

 “Worse. They looked Human.”

 “Ohh…”

 “Y’know I tried to explain it, but it’s just really weird. What even is that?”

 Yongrae thought for a second.

 “Uncanny Valley?” he said, “Like with that one guy in Rogue One?”

 Tom nodded eagerly. It had been on his mind ever since they left the planet. Uncanny Valley. It had a nice sound to it. He’d have to do more research into exactly what it was.

 “Thanks for that, man. It’s been bothering me.”

 “No problem,” Yongrae hit his shoulder, “You know what we should do now? Binge some Star Wars.”

 Tom laughed. While being an Earth classic, the movies really showed their age now. It was more like watching a documentary on what the past Humans thought about space, but it was fun nevertheless.

Alien: we’ve known each other for a week?

Human: pack bond :)

Alien: I mean I suppose, I’m glad we have become-

Human: if you ever need me to kill someone for you, just give me a call ;)

1. They dragged behind her when she walked

2. They never faltered

3. She could always trust them

And I'm thinking about how after she lost them, she asked Diaval to be her wings, and

1. He trailed along behind her throughout the movie

2. He never faltered in his loyalty, for 16 years

3. When she turned him into a dragon, she immediately collapsed in relief, even though she was still in severe danger, because she trusted him completely to deal with the threats

I was enjoying my lunch break in my quarters when the sound of human agony touched my ears. The screams were coming from Human-Leonardo's room. Setting my dish to the side, I got up and ran to his door. After banging on the door in the human's preferred fashion with no response, I struggled to kick the door open. Once the door was open, I was shocked to see that Human-Leonardo was calmly sitting before one of those primitive monitors the humans seem to adore so much. A telovision it's called, I believe. A person was on screen. And the person was screaming into what I understood to be a microphone.

"What are you watching?"

Human-Leonardo jumped at my voice. I scared him. That was a first.

"Just the music video for one of my favourite songs."

"That's music?"

"Yeah, it's called screamo."

"Because they're screaming?"

"Exactly."

"So they're not screaming in pain?"

"Nope. They're screaming for fun, kind of."

"For fun? Isn't that a human's defence mechanism? It can literally kill. And I've been told it hurts to do."

"It only kills sometimes. And it hurts if you do it wrong but it's still fun."

"Why?"

"Because it relieves anger."

"I see. But why listen to it?"

"Sounds nice."

"It sounds like war."

"Exactly."