💚👽Aliens👽💚

Humans are predators right? But in our day to day lives we don’t really act like predators very often. Very few of us actually have an experience with hunting, with one exception; bugs. Especially flies or mosquitoes.

Imagine you board a ship and all of your crew mates are life forms from other planets, all of them just so happen to be prey. You’re an engineer and general aren’t seen as very threatening. You’re the first human the crews ever had on board so they have no reason to think you would be. That is until somehow a fly gets onto your ship.

It’s meal time and this fly just will not stop bothering you. No one else seems to be doing anything so you decide to be the one to kill it. You go dead still and track it with your eyes, watching to see where it lands. Once it does you move slowly until your hand is directly above it, holding your breath before slamming your hand down. Finally the pesky bug is gone and you can go back to eating. To you it’s no big deal. I mean it’s just killing one bug right? But when you look up after rubbing the dead fly off the table with your shirt, everyone’s staring at you with a look of shock, horror, or fear.

After a minute or two everyone seems to unfreeze and go back to what they were doing, still nervously glancing over their shoulders at you every minute or so.

After that your crew mates seem to always be slightly on edge around you. Listening to you more often than before, and letting you lead in situations where violence might need to be resorted too. While it’s not technically your job on explorations, you in no way mind being able to protect your crew.

human 1: this is my alien friend, Steve

human 2: Steve..? sorry it’s just i didn’t think extraterrestrials would have such.. human names

steve: oh, steve is simply what my human companion here calls me

human 2: oh? what’s your actual name?

steve: *alien noises that are incomprehensible to human beings*

Counter point:

One day an alien is going about its business through the ship, walking to deliver something or the like, and they here someone trying very desperately to say something in the alien’s native language. It’s perhaps the most pained-sounding pronunciation the alien has ever heard, but it’s the only one of its kind on the ship so it’s kind of unsure what to do about this seemingly impossible situation other than follow the sound. And low and behold, it takes the alien to the crew quarters. Or rather, one in particular— the human’s, who the alien had done their best to avoid contact with on their (as of yet) short stay aboard the ship. But then the sound happens again, and whoa, that time it was actually close to something comprehensible. So the alien swallows it’s fear and knocks.

To it’s credit, the human seems just as surprised to see the alien as the alien is to be there. The human looks flushed, like it has just exerted a lot of energy, and for the first time it occurs to the alien that the human might just have kidnapped another member of its species and was in the middle of… dispatching it when the alien neared the area.

But looking in, the human’s room seemed normal save the strange earth device on the floor— the alien believed it was referred to as a laptop— with the screen displaying an unmistakably familiar alphabet.

“You are trying to learn my language?” The alien said with wide eyes.

The human looked back into the room sheepishly, rubbing the back of their neck (his? Her? The alien had not even bothered trying to confirm their orientation due to fear).

“Yeah, no, I don’t think I could master that if I had all the time in the world. I just uh, was trying to figure out how to say your name.”

The alien just stared. And stared.

“My name is Steve,” it said slowly.

Perhaps the human is confused. Many a alien took on an earthly name, as it was hard for humans to pronounce or even perceive many of their languages. Had the human not been informed of this?

“No I know, it’s just that— I come from a— (sigh). I know what it’s like to have to change your name for another person’s benefit. It might be easier but it doesn’t feel good. Like you’re hiding away a bit of yourself. I’m uh, I’m trying to learn how to say everyone’s names in their own languages so they don’t have to keep that bit of themselves too themselves.”

The alien was silent as it processed this information.

“…. Oh.”

The human shifted from foot to foot, glancing back into its room.

“I’m sorry if I have offended you or—.”

“You haven’t.”

“Oh, well, that’s good then,” the human said with a nervous chuckle. “But uh, I gotta say bud, you seem pretty spooked.”

Everyone is given a universal translator. It is regulation. It brings every species together with the universal ability to communicate, and yet this human’s misguided attempt at understanding seemed somehow… the alien didn’t know what to call it, but the feeling it caused was hard to name and came with a swelling in its chest and the strange need to protect.

The alien’s species was not able to cry tears in the human sense. Though if they could, it was sure it would be doing so now.

“I’m… okay with Steve,” the alien said softly.

If taking a human name might bring me closer to such an incredible species, I shall take any human name I am granted.

“But if you would like help on vowel pronunciation, it would be an honor to help.”

The human smiled a lopsided smile. “Hell of a way to put it, but yeah, I would definitely use the help. Come on in.”

Wherever Aliens gather to sit down, do the equivalent of a 1km stare and drink things that make you feel like being gently smacked with a slice of lemon wrapped around a gold brick, eventually the topic of Humans will come up.

"They're semi aquatic." one says. "I swear. We were on a beach and we had this human - You know, to carry stuff and do Human related Things. And they just went 'oh what a lovely day' and then they ... ran into the sea."

They pause and take a long drink.

"No exo suit. Just splash splash splash, and then they fell under the water."

The others nod or quiver in agreement. "Don't tell me" the Tsin says, their scales painted with that human Nail Polish. The shade called Pining of You looked especially good. "They ran back out holding something horrible and toothy, and immediately adopted it."

The first alien snorts. "No. Sort of. We thought they'd fallen into a sink hole. We had no idea! They were swimming! Like a Tsuga! Just looking at everything underwater and then popping up and going back down... you know... they jsut. They just stop breathing? Because breathing might be inconvenient so they... stop." they say.

Everyone pauses to think about this.

"I mean... how does that even work?" one slender, feathery being asks. "But they're not aquatic. You know how I know? Because I've seen them fly."

Another pause.

"Bullshit." someone says. "They don't have wings."

"No no... but they can make them. AND and and... I don't mean like ships. No! they make them out of fabric and sticks."

The Tsin looks into her drink and then sideways at the make who's been staring at her scales for the last ten minutes. He puffs up a little. "Mm. What as an art project?" she says.

The feathery being declines this supposition and responds, "No. They built them then they go up somewhere nice and high and they pick them up and take a big run - You ever see one running? Terrifying. And they... jsut..." the feathery being makes a sweeping gesture.

"Up into the sky. For hours. Then they come down and slide to a stop and put everything away and... How do you do that? How do you fly and then decide, oh I'll just go on with being a normal terrestrial animal, ho hum, nothing special."

The Tsin coyly blows a bubble at the preening male and shrugs.

"Mmmmy theory is they're bad at evolution." she says. "So they gave up and now they just turn into whatever they need to be for as long as they need it."

There's a certain amount of consideration at this and the Tsin puts her drink down and wiggles her fingers to everyone and leaves to investigate that tasty little male with the gorgeous blue markings.

The tall and frondy being quivers and splays it's fronds. "That's a horrible thought. Imagine if they decided to become plants?!"

"Frank, the Humans have been in space a long time right?"

"That's what they tell us in school."

"So that means you've probably tried just about every method of propulsion in space, yeah?"

"Actually, yes! This was one of my favorite topics as a kid. I must have absorbed everything I could find about it."

"Okay then, tell me about some of you're most wild engines."

"What? Why?"

"To settle a bet." Siervt takes a sip of his chamomile tea.

"Hmm. Okay, how about the Nuclear Salt Water Rocket?"

Siervt almost chokes on his tea. "The what?"

"Oh yeah, it's a great one! Take nuclear fuel, dissolve it in a lot of water, and then concentrate it to just under criticality - the point where fission takes place - and then squirt it into a chamber where it can be concentrated - bam, fission and shoot that now superheated steam and heat from the reaction out the back, making thrust."

Unconsciously, he leans back "But, that's just sounds like a nuclear bomb that-"

"That's going off all the time out the back yeah. Worked really well. Only a few blew up, but when they did, hoo boy. You could see it practically everywhere!"

"Wow. Um, okay. That was a bit more intense than I figured. Do you have another one that's less..." He thought for a moment. "Insane?"

"Hmmmmmm Oh! Here's one! It's so old that it predates us leaving Earth entirely. An Orion Engine."

"That doesn't sound so-"

"It's easy, you just make hundreds and hundreds of small nuclear bombs, shoot them out the back one at a time, detonate them and ride the pressure wave forward and repeat!"

His jaw drops. "No. You're lying. You're just making that up"

"I'm not! Look!" Frank takes a moment to search on his pad, and brings up an archive video to show Siervt.

Stunned to silence, Siervt gets up from the table, his tea ignored. He looks at Frank with worry in his eyes and walks away.

****

Siervt walks over to his friend Pennimen working in Traffic Control and silently hands him some currency. Pennimen looks up from his console and stares at Siervt.

Siervt shakes his head. "You were right. They solve every problem with explosions."