if anyone asks, you've never heard of me.

Casting lightning magic alone in the parking lot

Cops are here.

Casting lightning magic alone in the parking lot

that feeling when you're going through a security checkpoint and you remember that you forgot to leave the potentially limitless capacity for harm inside you at home 😂😂

stairs are so funny. falling 100 meters will kill you. solution? fall 10 centimeters a thousand times.

they invented all those neat si prefixes and people still talk like this

falling a hectometer will kill you. solution? fall a decimeter a kilotime.

(snaps out of it) OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING!! HOLY JESUS CHRIST FUCK WHY DID NOBODY TRY TO STOP ME (eases back into it) ahhhh. yeah this feels right

what if it was called magic the slathering and it was about lotions and ointments

*mumbling and grumbling* maybe i wanted to win stupid prizes *kicks dirt*

Tshirt that says I'm With Holding

just ask that person out, the worst thing they can say is an esoteric incantation that topologically inverts your body

Man goes to see a doctor. Says "I'm depressed. Every morning I struggle to get out of bed. Nothing makes me feel happy anymore. I don't see the point in anything." Doctor says "whatever. Who even cares? It's not like any of this matters."

the principal aim of lying is to accomplish your goal in as few lies as possible, and with the least amount of effort necessary to keep those lies going. It follows naturally that the world’s greatest liar speaks only the truth.

shaking my head but shaking my head the whole time to show i dont support negativity