CAUGHT A VIBE !

open starter. dec, 26th. landromat.

" drats , caught me . i never go anywhere without my human remains . safety blanket thing . " nadia teases , before flashing a quick grin at gabi . she gestures vaguely to the cigarette in her mouth , the smoke billowing out , mixing it with the cold air . " those things will kill ya . " she adds cheerfully . she nods towards the closed sign . " fuck . i get it wrong every end of year . " t'is the season for things to be closed and open sporadically , and despite having lived here for almost 16 years , nadia still never gets it right . nadia brightens though , at gabi's offer . " it's not a full load , if that sweetens the deal . and i can even come back bearing a beer or three for you . "

she  remembers  him,  and  maybe  there's  supposed  to  be  relief  -  an  instant  reassurance  that  goes  beyond  words,  that  heals  like  a  salve  over  the  worst  of  his  wounds.  maybe  there's  supposed  to  be  relief  -  but  zak  only  feels...  stiff.  a  body  put  in  the  morgue  without  confirming  the  signs  of  his  life.  he's  half  -  thawed  out,  all  wrong  angles,  skin  tinted  blue.  isn't  he  supposed  to  feel  whole,  now?  whole,  again?  whole,  as  a  person?  isn't  seeing  nadia  supposed  to  -  wake  something  up,  inside  him?  his  skin  is  buzzing.  itching.  maybe  there's  supposed  to  be  relief  -  but  it's  not  something  he  feels  with  her.  towards  her.  he  fights  against  the  nausea  that  churns  inside  him  as  her  eyes  flicker  between  the  photo  in  his  hand,  to  him,  to  all  of  him.  it's  not  a  scrutinizing  gaze,  just  confused  -  a  girl  trying  to  put  together  the  puzzle  pieces  of  her  brother.

it is strange to see someone half living half dead in front of you . she feels like that whenever she goes back to her parents house , which has sat untouched for years now . a shiver sensation wraps its way around nadia as she opens then closes her mouth dumbly . YOU ARE MY BROTHER , she wants to say . but she doesn't . I'M MEANT TO LOVE YOU , she wants to say . but she doesn't . she isn't sure she knows how to love someone she never knew . nadia heard his band played around local towns , would see the posters hung up , his half-familiar face splayed on them . she'd hear some girls chat about interviews or youtube videos . she knew vaguely of zak's existence . for a long time she used to write him imaginary letters . ' dear zak . one day you'll return and then we can go away together , i know i'm young but i can be on your tour bus with you and i can help you , i'm an ok cook and i'm funny i think . i am small and can sleep anywhere even on the floor . ' nadia swallows thickly now , tries to remember to allow breath to fill her chest . when zak flips his wallet shut , nadia finds her eyes drawn to the now empty space for a long time . HE CARRIED THEIR PHOTO WITH HIM ? THIS ENTIRE TIME ? her eyes slowly move back up to him , trying to fill in the blanks of which he is plenty . he looks so sickly , like a patient that should be in a hospital ward , taken care of . nadia wants to see herself here , on his bones and skin , but she's scared about what she may find . she cannot look at him for too long , so instead she takes a small step back again , out of habit , self protection , more than anything else . " breakups suck . " she allows herself to say , although the words sound dense and pathetic , sodden and ruined , in the air between them .

nadia looks around ghosts in the attic and sees junk . she always has . not in monetary value , of course , but in the means in which they were procured . she never understood how azi could happily take something from a dodgy seller and disregard how it came to be . the items in question were fascinating , intricate , beautiful . but it left a foul taste in nadia's mouth that it never seemed to leave in azi's . IT WAS ANOTHER REASON ( on a long list ) OF WHY THE PAIR COULD NEVER WORK . azi saw things as just that : things . he looked at people and moments as things to be taken . nadia always had a hard time not feeling sentiment among them . " oh , my apologies . i had no idea i needed to tell my boyfriend ' hey maybe don't flirt with other people and almost have sex with other people while we're together ' . " she shoots back , in amusement , although she remembers how UNAMUSING it used to be . the way she'd question him about who he'd been in the bathroom with , what they'd been doing . nadia will forever be murky and unsure on whether he actually did cheat on her . some things are not worth knowing . it doesn't matter , because none of it does , because azi is pulling her in for a hug that is a practiced dance and movement for the both of them . she folds into his arms and inhales deeply his familiar scent . nadia allows her eyes to close as she embraces him . her heart slows , before matching his beat in a timely manner . " i don't like your company . " nadia grumbles out , out of obligation , before she pulls away from him at the same time he does . the pair don't linger in the way they used to . there's a lot of things they don't do anymore that they used to . as nadia waits for azi to lock up , then follows him back to his place , she sneaks a few additional glances at him . azi has always been painfully flirtatious . an easy person to laugh with , to feel magnetic towards . HE HAS A PULL . nadia thought she escaped it , but everytime she's back with him , she feels it zap through her yet again . in a blink , nadia is sprawled across azi's couch that still dips in the middle . she lies against it and feels deja vu of the many times they'd spend afternoons here together . the moments of just them were always her favourite because she never had to worry about his wandering eye . when it was just her and him , he only could focus on HER . now , she holds her glass precariously in one hand , gesturing as she speaks . when nadia blinks again , she realises she's a bit more tipsy then she intended . " i forgot how strong you make your fucking god damn drinks . " she murmurs out , before laughing and shaking her head . " tell me your favourite part of this year . " nadia slings her head back , eyes half-lidded and closed , but she keeps him in her sight . HE'S ALWAYS IN HER SIGHT . she can't not look at him . " i like that you're always the same . " nadia adds , with a suddenness . she sits up more , almost sloshing liquid , but not quite . she's careful in her erratic movements . " i always know exactly what i'm gonna get with you . "

🗝️ closed starter for nadia * @hypnotiscd ! 📍 sisters of the moon.

" t'is the season ? " nadia offers up , with a subtle smile and a slight shrug of her shoulders . her eyes levitate to hana because hana is someone who can make anyone stand to attention . she's charismatic in a way that means she was born to be a star , born to be watched . born to be adored . whether any of that is actually true is A MYSTERY , but nadia has always relished in the attention and conversation hana offers up . she's fun . in a place like redcreek, fun is sorely needed . nadia laughs well-naturedly at hana's exclamations . " look , i'm not for christmas and all that stuff , but i long ago gave up wearing my grinch hat . i'm retired . " she informs hana , before glancing around in surprise , almost hoping somebody else has appeared . but no , the store is as quiet as it has been for a few days now . it's only her and hana , which means . . . hana means HER . " me ? a reading ? " she repeats , eyebrows rising up . despite working here , she's always tried to stay away from readings . it's not that she's NOT a believer . more so that maybe . . just maybe . . she's a bit scared of what she'd find . " i don't know if i'm . . . you know . . . are my chakras open enough for this sorta thing ? " nadia asks , unease twanged in her tone . she shakes out her short hair . " what does it entail anyways ? i've never gone behind the glass curtain . " AND FOR GOOD REASON .

" ew . " nadia concurs , nose scrunching up for a brief moment . she takes in her friend ( her one reliance left in this life ) , eyes moving up then down . for the most part , bronte looks like she's doing ok . the hurricane of the front pager on the register has subsided . with wanted posters flying up instead and the streets getting quieter from fear and the end of year approaching . . . not as many people are whispering about bronte and daniela anymore . at least not to nadia , who'd purse her lips and narrow her eyes at anyone who'd try . " so . . . we're , like , not talking about it , right ? " she verifies , before gently shouldering past bronte and making her practiced way into the house . " because new years is coming up , and while i'm not a believer in ' new year , new me ' , i am a believer in c'est la vie-ing this year behind . " it's been a strange one . a sad one , after all . it's weird to walk past houses you've walked past your entire life and know that alaina and daniela aren't in them anymore . the thought . . . the reminder , it pings within nadia like a phone signal and she looks at bronte again . SHE SAID THEY WOULDN'T TALK ABOUT IT BUT . . . . anyone with eyes knows that daniela meant something to bronte . " i'm sorry , by the way . " the words are awkward and slightly stilted . nadia sighs , closes her eyes for a moment , allows herself to not shield her words with sarcasm instead . " about daniela . her not being here anymore . . . it must be really hard on you . "

𝗪𝗛𝗘𝗥𝗘.　behind redstone bar, 11:30pm 𝗪𝗜𝗧𝗛.　anyone

nadia holds up her hands in faux - innocence . " sue a girl for trying to have some fun . " the fun in question being scaring carlos , so . . mission achieved ! she grins at him , all teeth . " i don't know if you noticed but the killer seems to be targeting girls , because . . .misogyny , and the boogeyman is probably an incel . so . . dear carlos , i think you're safe. " at his implication that she may be the murderer , she pretends to hold up her hand , mimicking a knife in it . " i don't think there's anyone at redcreek worth killing . " nadia shrugs . " no offence to daniela and alaina , i mean . it's just not my cup of tea . but is it yours ? are you killing people because you're an incel , carlos ? "

NADIA IMMEDIATELY REGRETS THIS . she's never been a great flirt ( most people don't warm to her sarcasm and dry responses ) , and isn't much of a one night stand girl either . now , she stands before this person and feels limpness hang off her like the latest shirt in her closet . " are you new here ? " she asks them . there's a certain shine that newbies always have when it comes to redcreek . the british lilt to their voice is almost offensive , and nadia holds back a wince at how out of place it sounds in this bar . she inhales deeply , allows her chest to expand with the crispness , then looks back at her glass in her hand . this person may look out of place , but it's nadia who FEELS out of place . their next words makes nadia pause , as if walking up a staircase , unsure of where the next step is . she allows herself to look back up at him and can't decide if she should laugh . but they seem to be as serious as ever . IRRELEVANT AS FAR AS YOU'RE CONCERNED . . . it's maybe the nicest thing anyone's said to her in a very long time . she's not a romantic , definitely doesn't fall for lines , but there's something so needy , stringent and desperate within her that clings to his words . " and what does my body language say ? " she opts to ask , one side of her mouth curves up , trying to hide the smile , the bashfulness that she so adamantly refuses to feel . IT'S THE ALCOHOL , she tells herself .

SHE LIKES HIM WITH THE GLASSES ON , always has . used to make fun of him for them , but then say ' no ! ' quick fast when he'd try take them off . a familiar part within her tugs , almost wants to say that again now as he pulls the frames off his face . but that's not her right anymore . " you're short-staffed ? shocking that people won't work here , with your known reputation for being dodgy and hoarding stolen goods . i wonder why you're short staffed ! " she says , voice swimming in sarcasm . nadia could never understand his infatuation with this place . even now , as she looks around , all nadia can discern is junk . shiny , sure , but junk nonetheless . yet azi has always somehow had the eye to see more . she rolls her eyes , grin large on her face , as he mentions a date . even when they were together , a date was never in the cards . they hardly got each other flowers , or sent texts with ' i miss you ' . instead , nadia would stare at her phone for hours , trying to find the exact cool , nonchalant way to say ' hey , wanna hang out tonight ? ' to her own boyfriend . she tilts her head , taking in him ( handsome ) and his haircut ( hideous ) . she puts a hand to her chest in mock offence , even though his words ring as true as ever . " maybe i was trying to make you ugly so you'd stop flirting with other people . you know , while you had a girlfriend ?" a reminder she'll never stop slinging his way . while nadia tried her best to always act cool and indifferent , azi had a penchant of rubbing close to people at parties , breathing near their necks or shells of their ear . she could always tell the exact moment he remembered she'd exist , and would turn back to her , sheepish , caught in the act . nadia takes a small step back , grin turning flirtatious as azi taps her collarbone . her heartrate picks up . skin flushes . heat intensifies . A FAMILIAR DANCE , but one they don't do together anymore . " i can come over to yours . . but we're NOT having sex . " she's almost saying it more to herself then to him at this point .

there it is : the truth laid bare , like something devastating that nadia can't tear her gaze away from . nadia knows josie is right . she knows that nobody forced ruby to leave . but ruby TALKED to josie before they left . and josie . . . josie let her leave . she let her leave nadia . sharpness stings her eyes at the cold memory . it feels like icy snow , whipping in her face . " she might have stayed . " nadia says hotly . " what could you have done ? you could have . . " a laugh leaves her , absurd . she looks around , waves her hands uselessly . " you could have told them to stay . that they're loved here . that while i'm here , there would always BE SOMEONE there for them . you knew how i felt . "

the fight within nadia always leaves as quickly as it started . instead , she's left standing in front of someone who she once knew like her own heartbeat . yet all that's left between them are questions : why did you do this ? why did you know what you were doing and do it anyway ? her eyes run over josie's , trying to find some familiarity . this can't be the same girl that nadia used to stifle laughter into the crook of her shoulder with . " apologies are useless , josie . " the words croak out of her , her own shoulders sinking . her entire body feels so heavy now , without josie there to help hold it up . " how am i meant to ever trust you again ? " because that's what it all comes back to . nadia let josie in , showed her her own heart , her mind , her thoughts . she loved her .

“Because, really, I must get out of this exhausted house.”