THE SPIRIT OF LONDON AT NIGHT!!!!

Worlds oldest haunted house has passed away at the age of 207

having a snuggable animal in your home is like a constant minigame of ancestral persistence hunting, every morning this beast is getting yoinked from various parts of the house to indulge our daily ritual of bringing him back to bed for cuddling purposes. im like the doom guy in hell meme but instead of ronald reagan im looking for my cat

if you have to rely on specific scripts or turns of phrase to socialise that's totally fine, but you must NOT reveal them to your friends while slightly drunk. it's like showing how the magic trick works, you can't do it in front of them afterwards

i like dogs a lot but i can never remember the differences between breeds (apart from the few types i've actually owned/interacted with). but i know people looove their dogs and love talking about their dogs, so whenever im talking to a dog owner i'll ask what breed it is, and no matter what breed they say i'll say "oh! i've heard they have a really nice nature :D" and they always go YESSS THEY'RE GREAT and start gushing about their dog and we have a nice conversation and i build social credit with this person. anyway i told my friends about this script a few weeks ago when slightly drunk and now every time we're in public together and a dog goes past they turn to me and ask "does that one have a nice nature?" im in a hell of my own making

And before I get all the reblogs saying "just move to Linux" some of us can't! So here is a script to make this pile of dung just a little less smelly.

👆👆👆

[doesn't understand jacking off] and I'm supposed to... touch my penis? [shaking my head and smiling, murmuring to myself] touching my own penis... [chuckles] what will they come up with next

Purple Starling

Purple Staring

you (🫵) you need to give your edward hyde a tail. stat. its good for him. enrichment even. don’t you want to be nice to him.

while we’re on it we can give him claws and sharp teeth and maybe horns or fur. any other suggestions anyone.

by the way it's fine to like sexual content just for the sake of it. "we can't ban porn because other stuff will get banned" "sometimes nude art has value" "the government will classify queer people as sexual" this is all true but it's okay to just like porn. its okay to not want porn to be banned because you like it.

They should make Carrie White a fat trans girl in the new show

She asks to play volleyball with the girls team. They start a harassment campaign against her. Her mom's a rabid gender critical radfem mumsnetter terf. At the prom she sets a gymnasium full of transmisogynists on fire with her mind. You get it.