Perfectly Imperfect

Total Ship Show: Malex

Climb aboard, prepare your canons (and fanons), and set your heading for Michael Vlamis and Tyler Blackburn as they dive into the ship between their characters on The CW's Roswell, New Mexico.

Or am I just fat?

Me: Is that-

Me:

To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (1995)

If you’re younger, you may not know Patrick Swayze; he was Taken From Us in 2009. But Patrick Swayze was an icon of masculinity. Men were willing to watch romantic movies because Patrick Swayze was in them.

Patrick Swayze was fucking beefcake.

And this man didn’t just agree to do a movie where the only time he’s not actually in drag is the first three minutes, which involve stepping out of the shower, doing make up, and getting Dressed. He has ONE LINE that is delivered in a man’s voice, and it’s not during those three minutes.

And if you watch those three minutes, you see a stark difference between his portrayal of Miss Vida Bohéme and Wesley Snipes as Noxeema Jackson. (I am not criticizing Snipes’ performance. They were different roles.) Noxeema was a comedy character. Chi-Chi was a comedy character. But Miss Vida Bohéme was a dramatic role, played by a dramatic powerhouse.

When Vida sits down in front of the mirror, she sees a man. And she doesn’t like it.

Then she puts her hair up, and her face lights up.

“Ready or not,” she says. “Here comes Mama.”

And while Noxeema is having fun with her transformation (at one point breaking into a giggling fit after putting on pantyhose), Vida is simply taking pleasure in bringing out her true self. And when she’s done, she sees this:

And you can FEEL her pride.

The amount of serotonin it gave me to watch this grandma react to her new galaxy light 🥺

It’s dark in here- *gasps in excitement* OHH SARAH!

OHH SARAH! *giggles like a little kid* OHhHhH!!

My ceiling is filled with blue lights… and stars and everything!!

OH Sarah! I can go to bed at night looking at this. OHHHH it’s beautiful!

It has a buncha colors but these are my faves

Purple bc insanely gorgeous 100/10 just beautiful

Then the light blue/green makes me feel like I’m underwater, 11/10 love to imagine I’m drowning

Sometimes the only person who can stitch yourself back together is… you

So I go down to the basement, which is well-lit and finished and indeed there are more pepsi but also in the fridge is a massive tortise. This animal was the dimensions of a desktop computer and probably outweighed a labrador. It’s not moving, and is set in the middle of a plastic tray so it’s apparently supposed to be there. I go back upstairs.

“Hey Andrew.” I say, nonchalantly. “So is the tortise in the fridge down there for soup or what?”

“The what?” says the other member of the group project. I don’t remember her name, just that she always wore her hair in pigtails with butterfly clips that were based on real butterflies and she had at least a dozen species.

“Oh! No, that’s Andrew Too.” he says. “His species hibernates so he stays in the fridge for the holidays.”

“You named your tortise after you?” I ask.

“No, uh- Well, my grandfather got him in Egypt or somewhere while he was on leave during the war and He was named Andrew, so he thought it would be funny to name him ‘Andrew Too’. …Then Mom named me after him so Gandpa left me Andrew Too in his will. He’s pretty cool when he’s awake. Lets us dress him up for summer holidays, doesn’t bark.”

“Oh!” Said Butterflies. “My dad served in the Gulf War too! What unit was he in?”

The amount of serotonin it gave me to watch this grandma react to her new galaxy light 🥺

It’s dark in here- *gasps in excitement* OHH SARAH!

OHH SARAH! *giggles like a little kid* OHhHhH!!

My ceiling is filled with blue lights… and stars and everything!!

OH Sarah! I can go to bed at night looking at this. OHHHH it’s beautiful!

It has a buncha colors but these are my faves

Purple bc insanely gorgeous 100/10 just beautiful

Then the light blue/green makes me feel like I’m underwater, 11/10 love to imagine I’m drowning