Mike Driver
cherry valley forever
AnasAbdin
Today's Document
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Origami Around
trying on a metaphor
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I'd rather be in outer space πΈ

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RMH
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

Discoholic πͺ©
dirt enthusiast

shark vs the universe

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@hurteverything

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HAMMOND B3 ORGAN CISTERN by GABRIELLE CALVOCORESSI
a long distance friend is kind of a dead wife in a way

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me and my good friend rue bennett are one of the same
#liveblogging my suicide book but ive been thinking about this a lot and i feel its tailored more towards those who arent mentally ill so far because i was never influenced by another person to feel suicidal or to consider suicide as an option it was more of something i led myself to? idk if other bipolar ppl feel that way but i started feeling suicidal and expressing that at age 9 (part of which probably had to do with abuse) but its kind of lonely to have that specific experience and have it very early on in life. i wonder if he addresses that later. im not too far into the book so who knows
A few years ago while trying to find ways to commit suicide as painlessly as possible, I came across a PDF of Dr. Paul Quinnett's The Forever Decision. Thinking it might go into actual methods of suicide (I read an article once that actually did that and was trying to find it again) I started to read it, and I think I only got about two pages in before I was crying too much to actually see the words.
I downloaded the PDF to my hard drive and I open it again whenever I'm feeling too suicidal to do much else, but not enough to start booking a ride to the hospital. And every time without fail I only go up to a few pages before backing off and choosing to live another day just because suicide suddenly seems even more unbearable than whatever the hell upset me in the first place.
All the book really does is [I'm pulling a summary from GoodReads here as, again, I've read no more than 5 pages] "discusses the social aspects of suicide, the right to die, anger, loneliness, depression, stress, hopelessness, drug and alcohol abuse, the consequences of a suicide attempt, and how to get help."
But it also starts with the author kindly asking the reader to complete the book before going through with anything, and for some reason I'm compelled to really just try to read it all before finalizing everything. Despite not yet completing it (hopefully never will) I think I can safely say it's saved my life at least a few times now.
It's intentionally legal to copy and redistribute this book to keep it as accessible as possible, and it's very easy to find, but here's a link for it anyways.
Straight up I have like 3 close friends and some casual buddies I dont speak to much but care for but I cannot make new friends anymore none of my irl friends stick outside of school/ work or online I am hopeless and avoidant and flighty and not all that likable during the friend making process because of it. I give up and scare off easy and dont really see the point of trying over and over even if I like someone a lot. And I feel like such a fucking chud. Lol. Im so depressed all the fucking time. Lol. Avoidant attachment final boss. Lol I DONT KNOW HOW TO CHANGE πππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππ
life would be much better if i was drunk all the time sadly

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anyone else feel like it's 2022 again
i want to fucking kill myself so bad the repercussions and what i leave behind and missing out on my future it all doesnt matter
i dont feel good enough for my studies or future career i dont feel good enough for the animals i care for i dont feel good enough for my friends or wife i feel like a huge fucking piece of shit that doesnt deserve to live. lol
i want to fucking kill myself so bad the repercussions and what i leave behind and missing out on my future it all doesnt matter
it'd feel good as fuck to shoot myself
IM FUCKING SICK OF IT ALL
it'd feel good as fuck to shoot myself

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They shouldve killed me back in october
suicide note that says "don't let them think the haters won I just had other shit going on"