ranking the best things I have heard surgeons say mid-surgery:
1. "Five second rule!" while scrubbed, after dropping a sterile scalpel on the floor (no they did NOT pick it up again but I swear everyone's buttholes puckered)
2. (spoken during the closing of a particularly long and difficult case) "Nurse - my tunes." :heavy metal starts blasting:
3. Gently to a fretful patient, pre-anaesthesia: "It's going to be okay. I promise, I've dealt with worse." As soon as the patient is unconscious: "This is literally the worst thing I've ever seen."
4. [okay this one was a med student] "Wowwww, that's so gross!!" Reg: "Please remember that [patient] is awake for this procedure." Student to patient: "Oh my god. I am so sorry, that was really unprofessional - " Patient, cheerfully, also engrossed with what's happening inside them on the screen: "Nah - it's, like, super gross, right?"
5. [another procedure where the patient couldn't be put under GA] Patient: *starts singing country roads midway through the procedure* Surgeon: *shrugs and joins in with surprisingly good harmony*
okay okay there's more
6. Elderly surgeon to the anaesthetist who is gossipping with their reg: "I need you to pretend you're in church." [weirdest way to ask people to be quiet, but whatevs]
Anaethetist's new reg with big, horrified eyes: "You mean we should start praying???"
7. Panicking rad tech: "Uhhhh my machine broke. I need to jump on this part and kick it, but I am not paid enough if I break it. Can you - "
Surgeon, casual as: "Yeah, sure."
:violently beats up the C-arm until it starts pumping out those sweet, sweet x-rays:
8. ODP to theatre assistant: "Saw the new tasche earlier. Suits you."
Theatre assistant: "Thanks! it grew on me :)"
Surgeon, pleadingly, within accidental snipping distance of the patient's spinal cord: "Guys, do NOT make me laugh."
OH MY GOD I FORGOT -
9. Surgeon using the electrocauter, leaning over the incision and inhaling deeply: mmmmm, that smell always gets me hungry. I'm having barbeque tonight.
New med student: 👀
and the classique:
Spinal surgeon: hey, that scoli's getting bad. want me to fix it for ya?
Me: I mean. There's a pretty long wait list
Spinal surgeon: yeah but I could do it tonight
Me: that would be very illegal, Jeff
Spinal surgeon: only if they catch me
