woof woof 🐕

i love the “hollanov has a crush on carter vaughn” take not necessarily in a “i think they would invite him to watch” way but more in a “ilya would accidentally let it slip while chirping at shane to fluster him that vaughn is at the top of their ‘would’ list and vaughn is a little thrown off and straight so he’s like “are you guys asking?” and ilya laughs and pats his shoulder and assures him “absolutely not, i do not share my shane, we just think you are good looking man, i like that you are pretty and fun and my shane likes that you are serious about hockey and have good grooming habits. is not serious, do not worry vaughny we will not be asking you to witness me and my beautiful husband ever” and vaughn low key is overjoyed about it, his teammates who are around and hear the exchange are sometimes like “that doesnt bother you? you dont find that a bit weird?” but vaugh genuinely is just like “rozanov just called me pretty and fun enough to hang out with and hollander thinks im good at hockey and clean enough for him, you could hand me a nobel peace prize and it wouldnt come close to this achievement” and eventually it gets out to the general public so vaughn is captioning his instagram posts shit like “#1 contender for being the hockey husbands third goes fishing” despite shanes mortification about this getting out and vaughns clear delight with it” way

Ilya who gets such intense cute aggression at the pictures of fat baby Shane that Yuna shows him, that when he goes to find Shane prepping dinner in the kitchen, he actually bites his cheek. And when Shane's like "Hey, the fuck was that for?" (half annoyed, half turned on) Ilya's just like "You know what you fucking did."

ilya finds out cliff fans online are calling themselves cliffnation and he never lets it go. he is telling people he has dual citizenship: russia and cliffnation. he actually can’t get a speeding ticket because he has diplomatic immunity as an ambassador of cliffnation. all i do is win is the national anthem. the capital is marleauville.

one time ilya venmo requested shane for $10,000 as a joke but before he could even say “i want a big mac” shane already sent him the money.

at planned parenthood and they're playing regular show

"dude if you don't get this abortion benson is gonna fire us"

i just need jock4jock college au shane and ilya. they’re the presidents of frat houses that have been rivals for like fifty years but oh nooooo they’re secretly fucking !!! they sneak around campus and into each frat house to fuck and at frat parties they sneak into a closet and blow each other and they always wear backwards hats and god they are stupid dumb jocks that fuck hard and dirty

One of my favorite things the fandom seems to have decided is that Shane is an eloper and climber when drunk. That man disappears and you find him in a tree ten minutes later, happy as can be and drunk as a skunk.