horhorhorie

I really hate the apocalyptic vision we have about everything. I know it is a perennial question - feeling that everything coming to its end is a primordial topic. I also acknowledge that considering today's ambience -being addicted to news, the rise of AI and false images, dictators who don't address their wrongdoings and think they aren't the problem- has put us into a very different, unique epoch that we think it is, for real, the apocalypse. But I also see and feel something every day that makes me think "we could still thrive". It is art. We are still able to produce art. Even though it may sound blissfully ignorant, it is what is saving us today. We are still able to paint, to capture the moments, to make movies, to write our experiences, and create divine out of nothing. We are still "thriving" in a world where people would rather burn some jungles and destroy the rivers for just a pornographic image of fruits. The best thing humankind has discovered is its subjectivity, something that is in strict concomitant with being rebellious and not getting enough. Here, in the topic of art, it is a good thing. There are still people who don't want to relinquish their sublimities to AI plagiarism (rebranded blatantly as art). People who paint the same scene in a way that they haven't seen before. People who write stories that break every convention and invent something new. While I'm observing the art, I think we aren't at the end of time; we are actually at its advent point. We are always at the advent point of something. Something more beautiful that shows the human soul is not obsequious - it will always rebel against the authority, against the machines which want to destroy their souls. I believe we are in a new era: rebelling against not being submissive to despair, laziness, and being soulless.

I was raised in the culture of “men don’t cry”. I was sensitive to everything. My father used to say it was because my mother raised me in books and filled me with extra emotions for everything. I remember I was reading a story about a hummingbird who a crow kills her babies and steals her house. I cried so hard for a couple of hours and argued with my father, “Why did you buy this book for me?” I had a lot of emotions. I cried when people on the TV started to cry. I cried when my principal told me about my recent grades and why they are bad. I cried over everything, not because of weakness, but because I was filled with emotions. I cried when my music teacher told me I’m a sensitive student and sometimes I can’t control it. So, I just cry. I cried so hard and heard so many times “men don’t cry” to the point I ran out of tears and couldn’t show my emotions properly.

There is a point in your life when you get so fucked in your head that you suddenly find yourself being religious and praying to God because the only answers for the recent events without an unknown source is an unknown, powerful entity. Or like that.

I don't know, it would be how many times that I wished I wasn't in somebody's life. Every time I am just there, I don't feel extra because I believe extra is not a good word; I just feel I am not there. Not even a person, because I was always a subject to be ridiculed and underestimated. I don't know where my problem is. I even hate my identity. What does it mean you are this or that? Who are you trying to assert an idea to? Who are you trying to tell about your day? I look at my relationship and suddenly it strikes me how I've seen my friends not just as a "friend" but as a family I didn't have. Then another shocking truth was that even they would leave you because you were just "somebody" for them. I feel I was there to be like a charity, a poor person who needed help and affection, and that's just it. I feel that I have become so miserable in my life that I am this way to other people. I feel I am a ridiculous person. I remember one time I saw one of my ex-friends' tweets and how he, with others, ridiculed me. I think I am just that. Someone who is easy to ridicule or to forget. I don't even feel like a person. I don't know who I am. I doubt everything, and I regret everything that I've said. I hate that I started to be a "person". I regret everything. I am ashamed of myself because of "being" there.

Today is not a proper day to question your life's choices

No, your honour, I don't wanna fix her. I wanna be alone with her in an isolated room and yearn with each other.

Unfortunately, smoking is the coolest thing ever, and we really need to find a way to make it healthy. We need a team of geniuses and experts now.

What do you mean "ewwww! Why do you jerk off?" Because I'm lonely, my hormones have ADHD, and I beg for a little dopamine like a beggar in medieval time who wants few coins.

There is something about American Football that I've couldn't find in other bands. They are complex in instruments but simple in lyrics. They know how to write a song without complicated words or metaphors, but at the same time, convey that massage and feeling delicately. I love this band so much. Always feels fresh and comforting.