Lestat de Lioncourt in Memnoch The Devil, Anne Rice.

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Lestat de Lioncourt in Memnoch The Devil, Anne Rice.

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The New Me, Halle Butler
Your soul can continue to weep long after your eyes have run out of tears!
e.v.e.
I was raised in the culture of “men don’t cry”. I was sensitive to everything. My father used to say it was because my mother raised me in books and filled me with extra emotions for everything. I remember I was reading a story about a hummingbird who a crow kills her babies and steals her house. I cried so hard for a couple of hours and argued with my father, “Why did you buy this book for me?” I had a lot of emotions. I cried when people on the TV started to cry. I cried when my principal told me about my recent grades and why they are bad. I cried over everything, not because of weakness, but because I was filled with emotions. I cried when my music teacher told me I’m a sensitive student and sometimes I can’t control it. So, I just cry. I cried so hard and heard so many times “men don’t cry” to the point I ran out of tears and couldn’t show my emotions properly.
crybaby
My lip quivers, as I fight back the tears threatening to break through my eyes. My mother is yelling again, saying I need to be more grateful, how I need to be more like a girl. I never comprehend why I get so upset. My mother says I ought to grow a backbone, that I cannot keep being so sensitive. I am always on the brink of tears, one little thing setting off the unavoidable waterfall. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

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I kind of feel like weeping, but only a few things get me to that point of spilling over at the moment. As a teen and young adult I feel like I cried for ten straight years. Maybe it’s easier to function now, but in some ways I wish I were still that sensitive.
I hold a lot back, but I need to crawl into that space to finish a few songs from a place of absolute emotional honesty with myself. I’m closest to crying when I sing, and my voice is wobbly because of it. There are songs of mine that are almost like crying spells, and I have to be careful when and where I play them.
If I can go into that writing mode tomorrow that would probably help me more than a year of therapy. I might have to make a crying playlist.
Washington-be careful out there Tuck-yeah yeah okay dad