Tana

Here are three things that I know are true, although I wish they weren’t:

1. I avoid endings like they’re poisonous.

2. Every death I’ve lived through has taken something from me I’ll never get back.

3. Leaves make dying look easier than it actually is.

Some clarifying notes:

1. When I say “avoid,” I mean eight years of not watching the last season of Friends.

2. When my childhood dog died, I didn’t just lose him. I lost the version of myself that existed beside him.

3. And when I say “easier,” I don’t mean leaves don’t die, only that they do it with more grace than I’ve ever been able to imagine for myself.

I don’t know why endings feel like rehearsals for my own funeral.

I don’t know why the world keeps moving forward when someone I love disappears, why people keep buying milk or answering emails like nothing cracked in half.

It makes grief feel private.

And if it’s private, it feels like maybe it wasn’t allowed to matter.

I’ve tried religion

I’ve tried purpose.

I’ve tried convincing myself death is a doorway, not a brick wall.

But none of it sticks. Something inside me refuses to believe in comfort it can’t touch.

And the worst part?

I’m not scared of dying.

I’m scared of being dead.

Of being the still body in the room.

Of being the one in the box while everyone else breathes without me.

Anyway.

Can I tell you about leaves?

Please?

Let me talk about leaves instead.

People say green leaves turn red in autumn.

But here’s what actually happens, the green doesn’t die.

The tree pulls it back inside itself.

The leaf just…

reveals what was underneath the whole time.

Gold.

Orange.

Red.

Colours it was hiding because survival needed something practical.

And when the leaf falls

brittle, veined, held up to the sun by a child’s hand

it still isn’t finished.

It softens into soil.

It feeds the tree.

It becomes part of next year’s growth.

I keep thinking

maybe I’d like to be a leaf.

Or a branch.

Or a whole tree.

But I’m not.

I’m a person.

And people don’t get to decompose into something beautiful.

We get grief, and silence, and the heaviness of knowing the world doesn’t stop for us.

Do you see why this sits wrong in my chest?

Why death feels like the loose thread I can’t stop pulling?

I think…

I think if I could die like a leaf,

if I could return quietly to something larger,

if the parts of me that mattered could become nutrients for what comes after…

I think I’d be okay dying.

I think I’d even be brave.

~ Lia

After the last game of season 3 when they’re all so excited about winning, Keeley being all excited and rushing over with a grin and launching herself at Jamie to hug him and getting caught up in the excitement and kissing him without thinking

Then internally panicking because oh SHIT what is she doing, especially in front of Roy and why did she not think at all before acting and oh god this is going to fuck the good dynamic the three of them have had going on

And then in her panic, overcorrecting and pulling away from Jamie just to immediately turn and grab Roy’s face and give him a congratulations kiss too publicly and right in front of Jamie and in front of practically everyone they know

And the second she’s doing it, her internal panic getting so much worse and she’s mentally like shit fuck fuck fuck that definitely fucked it so much worse why the fuck did I think that would fix anything that was so fucking stupid

But they’re both filled with adrenaline and riding the high of winning the game and they’re both just thrilled from that and getting kissed and still grinning

And instead of fighting, they’re both grinning. And Roy’s still reaching over and grabbing Jamie’s shoulder and squeezing it and giving him an affectionate shake. And Jamie’s still turning and slamming full body into Roy to give him a too tight hug and lift him off the ground. And Roy’s hugging him back and letting Jamie lift him up without complaining and then they’re apart and turning and still just as happily exciting with the rest of the team

requested by anon

General

This is a closed arena, meaning no one from either party’s friend group and/or drug cartel can assist (incl discord).

The arena is a sand pit with concrete walls surrounding in, as well as a glass covering to prevent escape through flight. The covering is decently tall.

No weapons are provided.

There are likely bugs flying throughout the arena, maybe even a rat or two.

Walter White

He’s the older of the two, being in his fifties (?), which would give him a tactical disadvantage.

He also has cancer. I do not know if it’s progressed enough to affect his fighting capabilities (I have not seen brba, it’s on my watchlist), but it can’t help.

Again, I can’t speak from having seen the show, but I did do some research and he uses firearms in the show, so it may be reasonable to assume he has one on him, even if no weapons are provided in the arena itself.

He also wears clothes, which serve as an extra (albeit thin) layer of protection.

He has more crime experience.

Fluttershy

She cannot use the magic of friendship.

She is a horse (seems to be tallest of her friend group,) which gives her a size advantage.

Horses are also really strong. I was standing next to a horse once and it moved its foot and accidently stepped on my toe lightly before moving it again, as one does if accidently stepping on something, and that hurt like hell and cause it to bleed underneath the nail. So intentional attacks against a regular human? Advantage.

She can also fly, or potentially rally any bugs within the arena to her side.

Has a lot of fighting expirence.

She talks about how, as a kid, you learn to finish work before you can play and that you take this with you into adulthood. So you keep the mindset of having to finish 'have to' tasks/chores before being allowed to 'play'.