What the fuck is this shit?

A cat is a machine that turns proteins into violence.

OH MY GOD MY CATS HAVE FANART

Where's that tweet about how American chants are "let's go [team name] and some other country (Irish?) fans are "I've made up a song about the other team's drinking problem to the tune of London Bridge Is Falling Down one two three"?

Cave Mouth perfec t size for put monkey in to p\lay! inside very Soft and Comfort monkey play fun put monkey in Cave Mouth. Put monkey in Cave Mouth. no problems ever in ccave mouth because good Shape and Wet adventure for big monkey brain of need fun and adventure. Cave Mouth yes a place for a monkey put monkey in cave mouth can trust cave for giveing good fun for monkey. friend cave

you learn something new everyday. unless you're a historian. then you learn something old

Like to charge, reblog to cast?

I explained the concept of "blorbo from my shows" to my 71 year old immigrant grandfather because I referenced it in passing and I thought nothing of it, until today when he said "I think I'll watch peaky blinders tonight and see my blorbo from my shows" referring, of course, to Cillian Murphy playing Tommy Shelby

English isn't his first language so he's not super in touch with modern slang, so I've been accidentally teaching him to talk like a tumblr user. His favorite thing to say lately is "me when I'm a little hater" when he's like talking shit about the neighbor's son

OP are you telling me we got the death of Gică Petrescu before we got gta6

Another fun Malice habit: if I yawn, she WILL try to shove her head as far as she can into my mouth. Babygirl you do not have a dentistry degree and I am not into vore. get out of there.

Official ominous sign(s)

pride month is almost over I would just like to say happy pride to boring LGBTQ people in particular. everyone expects us to be brilliant creatives and scientists and interior decorators and quirky professors and tortured artists but some of us wear nothing but Kirkland Signature clothing and watch Friends and The Office and are incapable of having an interesting conversation and that is okay. our diversity is our strength.

talking to a very boring LGBTQ person once in a while is so refreshing, you’re like “Whoa! You’re so average and normal! You’re like a coworker at an office job! The only thing we have in common is our LGBTQ identity and that is beautiful!”

“They tell us we’re born to suffer but you were obviously born to maintain the lawn outside of your suburban home. Very sweet.”

i fucking hate the “this is the good luck post.” Girl stop contributing to a superstitious environment with ur anecdotes there’s a million goddamn notes on it it’s statistically reasonable that a bunch of people remember the good things that happen after they reblog it

this is the statistically reasonable post, reblogging it will have no effect except for putting this post on your blog

guys this post really works! I reblogged it and it really did put the post on my blog! you need to try it!