Honey Bunches of Goats

im realizing very fast that people do not in fact know that sometimes things in stories suck on purpose and it sucking is the point

underrated tumblr feature is being able to catch up to yourself on your dash. so there is an END POINT. and you can say “ah, I have reached where I left off, there is no more to see! I’ll take my leave now and come back later when there are new posts.” instead of being stuck forever in a bottomless algorithm pit digging deeper and deeper till you have to summon monumental strength to climb out

im sorry but when you grow up and interact with people irl youre gonna have friends where you dont fw their tastes. sometimes youre gonna meet someone chill whos also a hazbin hotel fan or have a really nice coworker that likes taylor swift and youre gonna need to mind your business and shut the fuck up or youre gonna be real lonely

It’s a tony soprano summer

What this means

babe wake up...i need to tell you multiple thoughts that don't corelate at all that i had in the span of five minutes..

what people dont get about divorces is the Whole Thing About Dogs

i have written custody plans for labrador retrievers more complex than i have for children. i went to four years of undergrad, three years of law school, and sat for the bar exam to write up custody exchange provisions for dogs with hyphonated last names

my clients are paying $295 an hour for me to go to court and litigate who makes veterinary decisions for Chuckles the Goldfish and theres literally nothing i can do to stop them

My mans unlocked a higher level of synesthesia

Watching Mars Attacks! and remembering how ridiculously invested little me was in the romance between Nathalie Lake/Sarah Jessica Parker and Donald Kessler/Pierce Brosnan as they met, flirted, embraced when confronted by a Martian broadcast, individually got abducted by the Martians, respectively had her head swapped with her chihuahua and was dissected and left as an animated head, and finally confessed their love and shared a final kiss as their disembodied heads rolled around on the floor and the spaceship they were on crashed.