Make It Feel Like The First Time!

i’m so tired of listening to myself think all the time shut the hell up bitch

last night i said masculine when i wanted meat

my grandad once forgot the word “"puppies”“ and called them ”“unfinished dogs”“ instead

my friend is studying for the mcat and was just trying to explain to me about heat transfer and she said ‘you know, like the reason you get cold when you go outside on a freezing day is that your tiny human body is trying to warm up the entire universe’ and i think that’s the best thing i have ever heard

I kind of needed this today. Thank you.

actors kiss each other for like 7 seasons and don’t fall in love but when someone holds the door for me i think about it for like 4 months

This is what the brute force of America’s military looks like and it looks like your stepdad is real pissed at that call on third base.

In serious danger of waking my sleeping husband laughing at this.

going through my microsoft word archives is great fun because i always find the wildest shit in there and by “the wildest shit” i mean the time i tried to rewrite the entire bible from scratch at the age of eleven and a half

Publish this I will buy it