Fandoms and Randoms

Let me tell you a very funny story that might make you feel better.

Not long ago I called the suicide hotline feeling exactly the way you describe. The volunteer on the other end was an older cis lady, and I was like, "Hey, I'm trans - all this stuff is happening, the government says blah blah blah, the court says XYZ, and I feel like I'm living in this really hostile country that hates me, and it sucks!" I told her how angry I was, how much all this makes me hate by fellow human beings, how much I wouldn't care if Britain sank into the sea or was burned away to ashes along with all its inhabitants, and how ashamed I am of feeling such venom and cynicism.

And there was a bit of a pause.

And the volunteer lady says, "What's trans?"

I - Joker makeup bursting from the pores of my face - explain to her what being transgender is. She has questions like, "So, what was the legal process like, what do you have to do?" and I'm like "Oh HO HO HO! Let me tell you the hoops I had to jump through!" and she's like "Wow, that sounds so difficult?" and I'm like, "HEE HEE HEE I haven't even gotten to the difficult bit yet!" I'm ranting, I'm pacing my living room like a tiger, quoting Merchant of Venice and Coriolanus down the phone to this woman on the suicide hotline, like "If you prick us do we not bleed?! If you tickle us do we not laugh?!" "I banish you, and here remain with your uncertainty!" (She's like "I remember this Shakespeare from school!") It feels like I'm vomiting up this black sludge of hate that I've built up, like people spit on me and I've absorbed all that spit and now I'm burning with it.

So at the end of all this the volunteer lady's like well yeah of course you feel angry, that makes perfect sense! Anybody with a heart would feel the way you do! Of course you feel cynical and bitter and despairing! And she tells me that she hasn't seen any of this, but it's shocked her. She thinks this court case sounds like a really backwards step; she thought Britain was progressive. And I'm like, "I used to think that too, and the loss of that illusion hurts."

But then she goes well look - these judges and politicians, they live in a bubble. They don't really know what life is like for ordinary people like me and you. There are plenty of people in Britain like her, who just don't really pay attention to this stuff. There might be some who throw things at me in the street and treat me poorly, but there are also a lot of people who are just... normal? And fine? And who are just doing their own thing, and who are appalled to discover this kind of thing is happening? And I'm like oh yeah - I guess if the country was destroyed all those people would go too... It's not true that everyone wants us to disappear.

And she says she's going to go home and look all of this up because it sounds like trans people are really being mistreated, and she's like "Thank you for telling me all this. I hope you feel better."

As a crumb of hope in horrible times, I went to a trans rights demo in Bristol yesterday and Carla Denyer the Green MP was invited to speak in solidarity. She asked all the other cis people who were there to cheer and there was this massive outpouring of support. The crowd was full of our friends, lovers, family and just people who know how fucked up this is and support us.

And as she fell, and as the water filled her lungs, the ducks saw her, but they had no pitty on her, saying to eachother: "this girl was killed under the laws of humanity, and we cannot interfere with the law. It is sad what happened, but it was her father's right."

And as she went further down, and closer to death, the schools of fish saw her, but they had no pitty on her, saying to eachother: "this girl is reacting far too violently. If only she was more calm when they thrust her down, then mabye we would spare her. She's too old too, and too masculine, and not even a virgin. We must find a better looking victim to spare."

And she fell so far down that the rays could see her, but the rays didn't spare her, and told eachother: "this girl is weak. Can she not swim, not pull herself up, is water in her lungs enough to hurt her? If she was just a child perhaps we would spare her, but she's old enough to be able to swim out of this herself, even if ropes bind her hands. We cannot spare her."

And eventually she floated down to the sea with no sun, where only the sharks could see her, and the sharks said to one another: "this being has tasted blood in her mouth, yet has no fins to swim with, we must help her."

And the sharks took her, and swarmed her body yet did not eat her. And her skin became grey and rough, and her bones became as soft as the tip of her nose, and her teeth became sharp and plentiful, and her eyes became white and cold. And she could breath as gills grew on her sides. And she could swim, as fins grew on her arms and legs, and a tail grew on her back.

That reminded me that it's absolutely fitting for Phryne too 🤣

So here we go:

My friend is coming to stay, but don‘t worry - there won‘t be any murders.

The friend:

A Greek Epinetron, a ceramic cover for the knees used by women so that their clothing would not be spoiled while weaving. Typically offered as a wedding gift, it was often taken to a woman's grave. 425-420 BC. National Museum, Athens.

The epinetron (Greek: ἐπίνητρον, pl.: epinetra, ἐπίνητρα; "distaff"); Beazley also called them onoi, sg.: onos) was a shape of Attic pottery worn on the thighs of women during the preparation of wool, not unlike a thimble for the thigh.[1] Decorated epinetra were placed on the graves of unmarried girls, or dedicated at temples of female deities.[citation needed]

Because of the strong association between wool-working and the Ancient Greek ideal of women and wives—as in the case of Penelope weaving in the Odyssey—it is a shape associated with the wedding.[2]

The theme of its decoration tended to be related to its use. The top surface was often incised to make it rough in order to rub the wool fibers. There was often a female head placed at the closed end, where the knee was covered. Epinetra were often decorated, sometimes depicting black figure Amazon women, as in the case of an epinetron painted by the Sappho painter between 500 and 490 BCE.[3]

As someone who has studied Russia/Russian history, I'd just like to note -- again, this is not saying that everything will be just fine and peachy keen, since we know it won't be -- that Russia isn't at all a comparable situation to the US. Again, not to downplay the worries and terrors that I very much have as well, but just to put on my history/international relations/politics hat and say the following:

Russia has never, ever been a democracy. It was a grouping of medieval kingdoms (the Kyivan Rus') and eventually duchies (the Duchy of Muscovy) that aggressively expanded and centralized into the Russian Empire around the 17th century or so (your mileage may vary depending on which ruler you're going by) and ruled by absolute autocrats until the Russian Revolution(s) of 1905, which established a parliamentary Duma, and 1917, the big one where the Lenin-led Bolsheviks took over and eventually, post-Russian Civil War, established the Soviet Union. After Lenin's death, Stalin took over as a personalist and increasingly paranoid autocrat, cleared the CPSU of all rivals (Trotsky, etc) and eventually launched the Purges of the 1930s, which decimated Russian civil society and any opposition to his rule. After Stalin's death in 1953, Krushchev took over and instituted some de-Stalinization policies, but this never, ever went as far as representative democracy and was once more reversed by Brezhnev's accession in 1964. Etc. etc., Cold War, we know the story, Gorbachev arrives in the early 1980s and begins reforms, the USSR eventually collapses, there are coups and counter-coups by hardline communists, something maybe being a competitive election or two under Yeltsin, then in 1998 the economy crashes again and Putin rises to power a year later. With the brief exception of the cosmetic swapping-out for Medvedev, he has never left and will not do so until his death, just like the Russian autocrats of old.

Basically: Russia has always been an autocracy, full stop. There have been moments of civil "thaw" or heightened government participation, but only for a decade or two here and there and very much against the backdrop of authoritarian rule, central communist bureaucratic organizations, a civil society that has almost always been tightly controlled, a rampant secret police, etc etc. It has taken Putin 20 years to totally dismantle the barest feeble fledglings of Russian democracy that had existed only in scraps when he arrived, and that is, as noted, with a political and popular climate that was essentially accustomed to autocracy and not having a real say or public vote in the process. Russia didn't hold anything verging on a "real" competitive election until, I think, 1990 (and the USSR fell in '91). Nonetheless, while sliding authoritarian, it didn't go hardcore revanchist until at least 2008 with the first invasion of Georgia, the seizure of Donbas and Crimea in 2014, and now the full-scale war in Ukraine meaning that all shreds of dissent have been crushed.

The point here is: it has nonetheless taken Putin 20 years to destroy all shreds of dissent, and any hint of competitive elections, in a system that was completely set up for him to do that beforehand. That is not America. States have independent elections and select their own governments and have broad power to enforce their own laws (as opposed to Russian regions; see uh, Chechnya for instance). There is a broad civil society and independent legal organizations, and the right wingers are not the only one who have spent four years preparing. The ACLU already announced that they have a detailed playbook set up ready to fight every single aspect of Project 2025 the instant Trump tries to do anything about it anywhere, there are literal armies of Democratic lawyers waiting on standby, and they had decently good success in fighting Trump last time. Yes, the benches are packed with hacks, but Biden had four years to hurry as many liberal judges onto the courts as well. Yes, Trump will appoint a full 5 judges on SCOTUS (once Alito and Thomas retire) and that is horrifying to contemplate, but the court is already 6-3 conservative. We will just have to do what we can with that.

The point is not that things aren't bad (they are) and won't get worse (they will). The point is that it took Putin 20 years to fully crush all dissent in a country that had been authoritarian since its inception. The US has 250 years being run only as a democracy and it knows the rules and expectations on a basic societal level. And I guarantee you ol' Dementia Donnie doesn't have another 20 years in him. He may not even have five. If we get really lucky, we can finally find an assassin that shoots straight and hasta la vista. Or he'll keel over of a heart attack 10 months in. Endless possibilities! It will be a national holiday!

There will not be as many federal guardrails as before. This is true. He will not appoint anyone who says no to him, but he also fires people for pretty much anything. He is incompetent, corrupt, crazy, and vindictive, and we have to prepare for all of that, but I'm just saying, we are not Russia (yet). Yes, Putin has been trying as hard as he can to destroy democracy in America, but still. Nothing is inevitable. Trump is already starting out as a known and disliked quantity, people HATE hate him in a way they didn't when he started out in 2016, and I refuse to think that everything is inevitably doomed and we should just give up on it now.

Once again: autocrats are not inevitable, suave, sleek, competent, or unstoppably evil. They're stupid, cruel, lazy, and mean, and they count on you doing half their work for them by just surrendering. We know what they are going to do and we still have people, despite the heartbreak, who are willing to fight back, and succeed. So yeah.

AKA: How the Netflix show "The Law According to Lidia Poët" wrote one of the best character growth-arcs I ever witnessed on screen

AKA: The long promised: Enrico Poët character meta

I think many shows centering around feminism - and especially period pieces - struggle to write feminism and the situation women lived - and still live in - a realisitic and relatable way. You either have male character saying stuff like: "Women belong in the kitchen" or male character being absolutly pro-women. Nothing in between. And even when sexism is addressed... a real character arc where a male person grows into realizing what women suffer from... often in silence... is hardly anywhere to be found. In a way thats not staged, but just human. Flawed and raw and relatable

And then Enrico Poet walzed in and just delievered. Its insane.

Short summary: The Law according to Lidia Poet is a show about the first female italian lawyer who had to fight against alot of prejudice, as well as a occupational ban. Enrico is her brother.

When we meet Enrico he is a mirror of the society surrounding him.

Whats really interesting about the way he is written is: He is more nuanced then your typical period piece sexist: "Go and bear babies." Instead he respects her intelligence and her intellect. He respects her wish to work... but not as a lawyer. If his sister really wants to work and earn her own money why not in a traditional female job?

Interestingly, and very telling for his character, is what he says next

He hesitates before he says that. And he doesn't look at Lidia. He looks at his daughter. So yes... he considers marrying a valid option for a woman. But not for Lidia, because Lidia is not "normal". Nowhere in the whole show he tells Lidia to marry. He maybe not agrees with her, but he always shows a certian kind of respect for her wishes.

Later he says:

So does he says all those things because he truely believes them... or because his father - a higher male authority - used to say the same things and he just repeats them?

But Lidia insists on being a lawyer so Enrico eventually agrees that she can be his assistent (he is a lawyer himself) and help with cases, but only if:

So already here the show overcomes the boring cliché trope of: "Women belong in the kitchen"-sexist. No, Enrico is much more nuanced then this. Already in the short conversation we see that there two sides: What Enrico was taught to say and what he really believes.

When we enter episode 2 Lidia starts working for Enrico. The power dynamic is clear. He is in the leading position. Nevertheless Lidia is taking every opportunity she gets to keep on working as a lawyer, independet from her brother. When Enrico finds out about her "side business" he is angry. But interestingly he doesn't try to stop her.

After Lidia solved the ep1 case really sucessfully a certain kind of trust grew between these two. Enrico doesn't want to get involved in trouble, but he trust his sisters abilitiy to solve the case.

But then - from one moment to the next - the really real danger occurrs that the public might find out that he is working with his sister, his sister who is not allowed to work in law anymore. And he snaps:

Here he only thinks about himself. Every trust between them is lost. In this moment Enrico only thinks about his career. This moment Lidias professional success is not to him... because she will not have any anyway.

But you don't think the show lets him get away with that, right? Oh our boy will learn his lesson.

He and Lidia meet a lesbian who had to hide her relationship with another woman. The following conversation takes place.

THIS! This is the first time he has to look into a mirror and realize he is part of the problem. Until this point he probably thought that he is a good guy. He lets his sister work with him, he lets her solve her own cases. But now he is forced to realize that he also judged his sister, every day. He has to realize that his sister suffers and he is one of many reasons. He is not one of the good guys. We see him being ashamed and he starts to think.

The show ends with Lidia not being allowed to ever work as a lawyer or lawyer assistent ever again.

When Enrico and Lidia are called to court, Enrico says this to Lidia:

But his tone has changed. He doesn't try to muzzle her anymore. He tries to protect her. Because he knows that whatever she will say, it will become worse... for him, but also for her.

And when the judge announce the sentence, Enrico shortly looks to her sister. Checking how this sentence will effect her. He starts caring. Because the conversation with the lesbian character - him being forced to look in the mirror - slowly starts changing him.

Episode 3 marks a turning point in Enricos character development

In epsiode 3 Lidia is solving a murder. The victim is the father of a guy she was supposed to marry when she was younger. The engagement was arranged and Lidia ran away because she didn't wanted to marry him. While she is solving the murder Lidia finds a letter from her own father to the father of her arranged-ex-fiancé.

It turns out that Lidia was only supposed to marry so that her father gets his debts canceled. Lidia shows Enrico the letter. He is horrified.

While he is reading the letter he is so ashamed he can not even look into Lidias eyes.

His voice breaks while he keeps on reading, he panics and is still not able to lock eyes with Lidia.

And now comes the quote that - imo - shows his character growth: "Thats a cattle market".

In this moment he realizes that the life of his sister, a woman, is worth nothing. That she can be easily auctioned off like a cow. That she is at the mercy of her own family... men... who can drop her any moment and cause harm to her. Because legally she has no protection and can not speak for herself. A cattle market indeed.

When Enrico hears how calm Lidia is... sad, broken... but super calm like she isn't surprised, Enrico is horrified. Because he realizes that this is what Lidia is confronted with every day. For him thats shocking, for her? thats the reality of her every day life. And being confronted with that, changes Enrico. He realizes that he can not longer close his eyes and pretend that his sister is some kind of "freak" for wanting to make her own voice heard

Its time for him to step up, to do something. To fix all the injustice that happened to Lidia, just because she is woman. Not standing in her way, but standing alongside her.

And Lidia smiles, with hope in her eyes, because it is the first time a man stood up for her and fights for her rights alongside her.

Because Enrico now knows what it means to be a woman. He saw the injustice and he can not be quiet anymore.

He grew so much. We came from Enrico telling Lidia that she shouldn't work in law to him seeing them as equal.

To him eventually waiting outside her house, neither saying goodbye to her nor trying to stop her from leaving to America. Just respecting whatever choice she will make.

This is character growth doen right!

TL:DR

This show takes a really raw and human approach to Enrico character growth: want to work along side a woman? Then you have to face the reality women are suffering from. And eventually this reality will change also your perception of the reality surrounding you. Is this character growth idealized? Sure but that’s not the point.

There are easy answers, like that it’s just fetishizing.  And like, I find men attractive, yes.  But I also find women attractive.  I don’t have a problem with enjoying het romance, assuming I can find good ones.  I enjoy stories with female characters I can relate to.

But there’s something much deeper at play, IMO.  A friend of mine who is a gender studies professor was the first person to point this out to me, but a lot of women enjoy m/m romance and gay porn because of the lack of women.  It removes a source of pressure and sexism.  Without any women present, you don’t have to constantly evaluate the sexism of their portrayal, or be reminded of negative experiences in your own life.  It allows women to experience romance and especially sexuality without all the baggage that comes with it in our patriarchal society.

This was recently illustrated to me rather dramatically.  I read a recommendation for a het romance.  And it sounded cute, and came highly recommended.  The tropes at play were fun.  Until I read a snippet and realized this was a romance between a woman and her boss.  I had a visceral negative reaction.  

Instantly I’m thinking of sexual harassment stories I’ve read and heard from other women. I’m thinking of how uncomfortable it would be to have your boss develop feelings for you.  How icky the power dynamics would be, etc.  

And then I realized…this wouldn’t bother me if it were two men.  Now, there’s no logical reason for that.  Sexual harassment is just as wrong when its object is a man.  But I know I’ve read fics with a similar premise and never thought about it.  Because when it’s two men I can accept this is just a light romance, a fantasy, meant to be fun and sexy and not to represent the real world.

But I can’t when it’s a het relationship.  There’s too much baggage there.  Too much societal history of abuse.  I can’t relax enough with the premise to enjoy that story.  

Now some people can.  And that’s fine.  And some people are never going to be okay with power imbalances like that regardless of gender.  That’s also fine.  I don’t think having either reaction makes one morally superior.  It’s okay to just enjoy light entertainment for what it is without going into deep analysis.

But I wanted to highlight one set of tags (via @reallifepotato​ )

Because I AM comfortable with my sexuality and fairly comfortable with my body, but still, this resonates so hard as someone who has always been overweight.  The amount that our society teaches women to constantly compare ourselves, almost always negatively with every other woman out there, can utterly ruin our enjoyment of this kind of thing.  Like how many times have you tried to watch a mainstream romantic comedy where some utterly gorgeous actress is bemoaning that she can’t get a date, or WORSE is made out to be less than attractive.  And you look at her and go…but she’s fucking perfect?  And you just want to puke.