need to sleep but i’m not tired and all i can do is sit and write and try to feel anything other than sorrow and sinking further and further into my bed as my soul feels like it’s being ripped out of my cavernous chest over and over again all the while you are off away in your own place, your own bed, your own world, and i cannot breathe wondering if you wonder about me too sometimes
the way it hurt to lose you is the way i self destruct. my stomach is empty and tearing at my insides begging for a parcel of you but you have been gone for some time now so i starve myself because all i can stomach is the thought of you. the thought of your lips on my cheek and your hands on my hips and your love on my heart. that is gone now. so i laugh and i sing and i cry and i cry and i cry.
i miss you, oh god how i miss you. sleepless nights with you felt like the most peaceful slumber because when i had you i needed nothing else. you were my life you were my energy you were my muse and now i find it hard to express myself at all. the way it made me feel when we agreed it was over is nothing i had ever felt before. i could feel the cells in my body exploding one by one. i could feel the blood in my veins slowing to a stop. i could feel the ocean of tears coming to wipe out nations of strong emotion from my weary eyes. it came. and it went. and here i am. and there you are.
and i wonder.
do you think about me sometimes?
do you miss me too?
do you regret the fights, and the fire, and the anger?
do you regret me?
…
i have been dreaming of you coming home to me.
but there is no home.
and there is no you.











