High-quality trash

Just making use of my free will

Shane is incredibly picky about who gets to touch him and when. Usually the answer is nobody and not at all. Everyone assumes he's just touch averse.

The truth is, Shane is horribly conflicted. He hates that when most people touch him, his skin feels sore. He hates that he can't tolerate most hugs. He feels separate from his body and it makes him want to weep. Because deep down, where no one can see, Shane is desperate to be held, to be caged in firm hugs, to be caressed and kissed and driven wild. The crazy part is that Ilya doesn't know any of this, and yet still he gives Shane exactly what he needs. He kisses Shane with fervor, like he wants to devour him. His hands leave burning trails of desire as they map Shane's body. He grasps Shane's hair, pulls on it when he fucks deep into him. He closes his large palm around Shane's throat, squeezing gently. "Too much?" he asks, and Shane shakes his head. No, more, please. Moremoremore. Ilya chuckles like he can read Shane's mind. His thumb traces Shane's lips. "You want something in your mouth solnyshko?" Shane suckles on Ilya's thumb, feels the pattern of his fingerprint on his tongue.

so i posit for your consideration:

autistic shane who becomes like a cat when he's comfortable with someone (speaking from personal experience)

yes, draping himself on ilya at every opportunity, biting ilya's face and then tearing off laughing when ilya jumps up to chase him, leaning his full weight on the top of ilya's head when he's trying to answer emails or be even slightly professional, sneaking his hands under ilya's tank or shorts just to self-soothe on his husband's warmest, softest skin

but also

leaning with his arms dangling over hayden's chest like a living backpack while talking to jackie (probably with the twins on his back), and hayden ignoring it completely

curling up against Yuna's side, shoulders touching, while they watch a game together, each person used to subconsciously dodging the other's wildly swinging arms at a bad call or goal

laying with his head on rose's lap when they go on a "bffcation" to cabo, each on their phones with drinks at their knees, showing each other memes and tipsy giggling

curling his arms around harris's neck and putting his cheek gently against harris's while harris scrolls through the photos he took for the latest social media campaign, talking excitedly about them

and some reporter asks ilya if he thinks shane is cheating on him bc ofc the tabloids have caught wind of this behavior and his face gets that particular smirk that means someone is about to be verbally defenestrated. "genius observation. they hire you at top of your class? breaking news: man is affectionate with loved ones. congratulations your pulitzer will arrive in mail in 6-8 weeks. no, truly brilliant idea for next Centaurs social media campaign. adopt a hockey player. ‘shane hollander: domesticated but not trained. may climb into pockets unsupervised.'"

of course it goes viral. of course shane reams ilya bc what was all that media training for??? and ilya just shrugs and gives him the big eyes like no one talks shit on you but me, but also fuck toxic masculinity and shane sighs and pets his hair and grumbles i knew i shouldn't have let you on tumblr

and of course harris absolutely loves the idea and begs shane to let them do it, which he acquiesces to.

shane's has an entire reel of him hanging off of people and shane is mortified bc he didn't even realize he was doing it but he's not actually mad bc it proves how many people he can be open and loving with, and the response is insanely positive

and then ilya's goes live and it leads with that infamous image of him skating away smirking with blood running down his chin.

“You still want?” “I still wunnt.” leads me to believe that once shane drops masking a little more, he starts feeling comfy letting himself echo ilya from time to time. it starts out with words and phrases that conveniently double as an answer to whatever they’re talking about. like above, ilya asks him something and shane answers using the same words and same inflection, just with his monotone little drone. “You have remote?" "I hayve re-mote."

he fucking loves the was ilya says “probably.” ten out of ten times if ilya’s saying probably, shane’s bringing up the rear with a deadpan but delighted “prah-bubly.”

And after a while together Shane gets much more comfortable unmasking specifically around Ilya (I don't know that he ever learns to fully unmask in public or around people he's not close with) and he sees many more sides of what that looks like

Like Shane copying half of the words and short sentences he says because Shane likes the way it feels to use Ilya's accent. Or Shane rocking in place when their standing in the kitchen together and he doesn't know what to do with his body. A big one is that Shane likes to make humming or grunting noises for all kinds of reasons, good and bad. But vocal stims are very common for Shane.

And Ilya just lives with all of this and more constantly and has grown so deeply used to the consistent stream of noise or movement and comes subconsciously from Shane, and when they're apart, Ilya can almost physically feel the space where all that used to be.

Ilya hates any insinuation that he finds Shane or his antics annoying or tiresome. The few people who Ilya has spoken to about it over the years might say shit to him like "god that sounds so exhausting I could never live with someone like that" and he's immediately like well this conversation is over because every part of Shane fuels my reason to go on and see the good in the world and I will not take slander on his innocent, self regulating behavior that is hurting no one.

He thinks this must be a joke so he goes to the comments, and sure enough it's absolutely full of people who not only seem to think this spoon is worthy of rating in the first place, but who seem to have very strong opinions on what makes it a good or bad spoon. To Ilya a spoon is a spoon is a spoon. It's absolutely baffling to him that people seem to think the handle looks like it's not weighty enough, or that the shape of the bowl is wrong, or that it's too flat or too square. He opens the playlist of cutlery rating videos because surely this can't be the norm, and sure enough every single one has a comment section full of very strong opinions about how good or bad this normal fucking fork or knife is.

And then a memory returns to him, as he looks over at his peacefully sleeping husband, of Shane moving in and having to get rid of all his cutlery to replace it with his.

"Sorry, I know it's stupid, but yours are really bad to hold, baby. It's literally all I can think about every time I eat here."

And Ilya didn't mind at the time. So Shane likes his own cutlery better? That's a small compromise when Ilya doesn't have strong feelings about silverware in the first place. But now things are beginning to click, and he's beginning to draw a line between the opinionated spoon people and the day he had to drive his cutlery to the nearest goodwill.

But he doesn't know who Bad Bunny is, and Bad Bunny doesn't know who Shane is... So they're both just making small talk with this hot guy they met at the bar while they wait for their drinks. They're enjoying talking to someone who doesn't know their celebrity status. And Shane is getting a little flustered despite being married, because damn if this guy isn't his type, and Bad Bunny is lowkey flirting with him.

And then Ilya shows up and has a heart attack. Alternating between fanboying over Bad Bunny and wanting to fight him. Just standing there frozen with this bonkers expression on his face.

Luckily, Ilya has grown incredibly good at spotting the first signs of Shane slipping - kind of by ill necessity. He has had to pull him back in a crowded bar after a deep kiss, when Shane was a little too tipsy to keep his defences up; in a hotel lobby when their check-in was delayed and Shane was so tired that a single hand pressed to the back of his neck, firmly digging into the knots there, nearly put him under; in several public bathrooms they'd retreated to in order to escape the crowds, when Shane was already wrung out by socialising and having to be Shane Hollander.