Feral for beautiful men

I write for JJK and Heated Rivalry primarily. (I do have a DMMD fic but it's mostly abandoned)

AO3 links:

Hunger (JJK, gego, explicit, unfinished, canon-divergent)

Cursed Tongue (JJK, itafushikuna, explicit, unfinished, college band au)

hollanov au coming soon

my quarterly allotted oc content post lmao

so my solo dev kinetic (one ending/no choices) visual novel is up for free on both Steam and itch. by solo dev i mean i personally did all the writing, art, coding, etc. (i did use royalty free music cuz ya cryptid sucks at making music, and the bgs are either 3D renders from daz or my own art) no asset packs, no ai (*fuck* ai)

it's short. only like 4k words. 30min~ of playtime. check it out if you like mythic tales about inhuman creatures, space dragons, women's wrongs, or fuck-around-and-find-out stories with bittersweet endings.

so i had the dumbest idea for a hollanov au right

guideverse. and i kinda halfheartedly worked on some worldbuilding for it but it just wasn't feeling right so i set it aside

i came up with an equally dumb idea that might actually make me work on it at some point:

isekai

WHAT IF

our dumbass hockey rival boys were isekai'd into a guideverse

i mean you do you, every writer is different

but i will get so confused and spiral if i don't have a 20k lore document detailing the entire history of the planet, its species, its cultures, the characters, their interactions, why the color blue is considered holy by this group and unholy by this one

literally, i named this guy in 2024 well before i'd even heard of heated rivalry

"Mmm, boring is okay," Curls hedged, clearly still amused, "sometimes."

"Sometimes," Shane echoed, feeling a slow smile blossom.

Curls' gaze flicked down to Shane's mouth and visibly hooded, though he answered Shane's smile with a smirk he quickly covered with his drink.

"You know stupid English saying, too much of good thing?" He drawled over the rim of his glass. "Girlfriends must like it. Unless dick is boring too."

Shane nearly choked on absolutely nothing. "Oh my god. I am not talking about my dick with you. I don't even know your name."

"Ilya."

Shane's train of thought came to a screeching halt. Il'yuh, his brain repeated like it had just found a new source of dopamine.

Then he realized Curls — Ilya — had stuck his hand out. Shane generally hated handshakes — physical contact was baseline iffy, and the context of a handshake was usually performative, required, and with people he wouldn't touch otherwise. The dislike had long taken residence in Shane's skin.

But the thrill of touching Ilya would not be denied, so Shane slid his palm into the proffered grip. The contact wasn't romantic or electric, but did loosen something that had been tightly curled in Shane's chest.

This wasn't just some random mouthy asshole in a club. He had a name. Ilya.

"Shane," he responded with his own name maybe a beat too late, actions lagging well behind his racing thoughts.

"Shane," Ilya repeated, accent curling around the word in a way that made Shane's spine tingle in the way he'd long associated with his stims.

Then Ilya blew it by following up with: "Now we talk about how girlfriends liked your dick?"

***

little under 3k on this photog/model au

having fun giving shane some of my autistic quirks lmao

i have absolutely been repeating il'yuh to myself over and over cuz it makes a fun shape on my tongue. (it's like, you touch the middle of your tongue to the roof of your mouth and then scoop it out immediately the next second) fuck handshakes in particular. stimming can be a physical sensation (boy i have suuuuch a stimmy thing for voices)

so i posit for your consideration:

autistic shane who becomes like a cat when he's comfortable with someone (speaking from personal experience)

yes, draping himself on ilya at every opportunity, biting ilya's face and then tearing off laughing when ilya jumps up to chase him, leaning his full weight on the top of ilya's head when he's trying to answer emails or be even slightly professional, sneaking his hands under ilya's tank or shorts just to self-soothe on his husband's warmest, softest skin

but also

leaning with his arms dangling over hayden's chest like a living backpack while talking to jackie (probably with the twins on his back), and hayden ignoring it completely

curling up against Yuna's side, shoulders touching, while they watch a game together, each person used to subconsciously dodging the other's wildly swinging arms at a bad call or goal

laying with his head on rose's lap when they go on a "bffcation" to cabo, each on their phones with drinks at their knees, showing each other memes and tipsy giggling

curling his arms around harris's neck and putting his cheek gently against harris's while harris scrolls through the photos he took for the latest social media campaign, talking excitedly about them

and some reporter asks ilya if he thinks shane is cheating on him bc ofc the tabloids have caught wind of this behavior and his face gets that particular smirk that means someone is about to be verbally defenestrated. "genius observation. they hire you at top of your class? breaking news: man is affectionate with loved ones. congratulations your pulitzer will arrive in mail in 6-8 weeks. no, truly brilliant idea for next Centaurs social media campaign. adopt a hockey player. ‘shane hollander: domesticated but not trained. may climb into pockets unsupervised.'"

of course it goes viral. of course shane reams ilya bc what was all that media training for??? and ilya just shrugs and gives him the big eyes like no one talks shit on you but me, but also fuck toxic masculinity and shane sighs and pets his hair and grumbles i knew i shouldn't have let you on tumblr

and of course harris absolutely loves the idea and begs shane to let them do it, which he acquiesces to.

shane's has an entire reel of him hanging off of people and shane is mortified bc he didn't even realize he was doing it but he's not actually mad bc it proves how many people he can be open and loving with, and the response is insanely positive

and then ilya's goes live and it leads with that infamous image of him skating away smirking with blood running down his chin.

somehow struggling a lot more with their banter than i would have expected?? but ig it makes sense. i write a lot of banter across all my projects but i haven't written shane and ilya before, so they're going to have their own flavor i have to get used to. (but it's also kind of annoying me lmao)

my favorite part posted under the cut. **warning, it's an outline. there is no prose here, just ideas**

i haven't done anything creative (writing, art, nothing, on either oc or fanstuff) in like a week and i'm going fucking stir-crazy

there's no point in forcing it bc i'm constantly having to deal with complex paperwork and problem-solving and contracts that i have to be so On for that i can't be On for anything else. and creative work requires me to be On or my perfectionism Screams, and my difficulty tolerance is so low rn that i'd just make myself feel worse

something happened with the house two days ago that almost threw the whole thing in the fucking garbage (and i had a full on panic attack over it) and so i spent the entirety of yesterday playing Elden Ring running my level 240 ass around the early areas to collect stuff i missed

it was stupid nice.

and like. i know i need to rest. (i know i need to rest more in general, but that's neither here nor there.) but creativity is how i keep myself out of the Pit of Despair, and i feel it creeping up on me

sometimes hyperfixations are the Worst

i think??? they accepted the offer on the house?? and i should be packing (and honestly i will, i just woke up and am drinking my tea still)

but like. there's only so much physical work my body can do at one time, so i need to figure out what to occupy myself with when i'm not packing

and therein lies the brain pudding issue

i wish i could just play a godsdamned video game -- i know i need the rest -- but lately i've been coping by way of productivity and it's working well to keep me emotionally stable

except brain pudding

i don't want to make any decisions, i don't want to think hard about anything, i want to just turn off

but i also want to be productive bc it helps me from slipping into a depression (and *heavy sigh* before you say it, my brain does not quantify physical labor as productive. don't take it up with me, i just work here)