Hey! I’m Halo😇

you betrayed everyhting you stand for and all you got in return was a kickass sword and ability to start fires with your mind and d cups. pretty good deal !

The earthy smell of rain is one of the most divine scents I’ve ever beheld.

i have a box of bacteria that produce that scent and i sniff it whenever i need to feel something real

is this a personal box of bacteria?

enough old man yaoi. We need old woman yuri IMMEDIATELY

*eating balsamic that’s too strong* they laced my shit grand son

i do accomodate people with disabilities when they collect my pages btw

thank you Slenderman! can I wear earplugs? the static is a bit overstimulating

yes you can 👍

I love you Slenderman. can you kill my boss.

i love you too and i cant leave my forest but if you send your boss over to me i can probably arrange something

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

passing in public makes me feel like white shrek

why does it take SO much energy to keep your house only sort of clean

cats always step precisely on your most sensitive areas when theyre crawling on you lovingly for cuddles. bladder dick ovaries boobs stomach bruise it doesnt matter. they have homing devices on their paws for the exact area you’re most tender at the moment and they put their full weight into that step. and sometimes they might keep their stance midstride so theyre just standing there forever forcing you to endure the pain. because they are simply too cute to get mad at

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

listen to me, this is so so important: you've gotta get used to really giving it your 60% as a default. like don't half-ass it necessarily but try not to go over 70% or so of an ass. you'll feel better and live a happier more fulfilled life, and on the rare occasions where you do need to lock the fuck in you'll be able to pull off bullshit that the sad miserable wretches giving it their 100% can never dream off, because they're busy draining themselves dry and you have energy reserves to spare.

This is actually what I was adviced to do at the work rehabilitation program I went to. Hasn't left my mind since. 10/10 solid advice

hey you guys my friend just told me i have a stain on my shirt (embarrassing) and hes put his finger on the shirt to indicate where it is. Im gonna look down so i can asses the stain situation