Maria

Oh fuck dude, you smoked that weed? That's the forever weed. The weed that makes you high forever. Hope you're having a good time because it's permanent. Also I hope it's okay, but I just invited 100 people over, and if they find out you're high you're FUCKED.

Every single note and comment is comedy gold and I'm wheezing from laughing so hard

also at the end when they ask you "any questions?" and you can't think of anything: ask about parking. even if you don't have a car.

I have an interview today in a couple hours, how did the algorithm know I needed this

Btw when they ask if you have questions some actual good options are stuff like “what’s a typical day like in this role” or “is this job open because someone is leaving or is this a new position”

does anybody want to touch my body during my sleep study next week #sleepapnea #feelmeup #somnophilia

does robbing count?

what are you gonna take? my medicaid card?

with the rise of censorship and purity culture i need more freaks to write freak ass nasty fanfics that are perverted and disgusting

thank god vampirism is a flexible metaphor

it’s about being queer it’s about surviving assault it’s about alienation and most of all it’s about how everyone who loved you before might not be able to even look at you now, no matter how many times you try to explain that you didn’t ask to die and you didn’t ask for that death to leave you only half-eaten when it got bored of you.

Is the guy in the cuck chair supposed to stay quiet or is he allowed to clap and cheer

he's supposed to take notes and make an intrigued hum when an interesting plot point occurs

one is getting cucked by the bottom and the other is getting cucjed by the top. Subject matter experts discussing the sex like a sports panel

One cuck always lies, the other always tells the truth. You have one question to determine who’s a top and who’s a bottom.